Friday, May 25, 2007

Riding the Roller Coaster

So this isn’t a weight loss post. This is an urgent SOS.
I’m deathly afraid of roller coasters. OK, maybe that’s not true. I just don’t enjoy them at all. That feeling of my stomach dropping out from under me is just torturous. I close my eyes and just try to breathe, not enjoying any part of it and counting down the seconds to it being over. I LOVE weeny coasters like Space Mountain and Big Thunder, but California Screamin’ really makes me want to cry…..I’m not lying when I say cry. You all get an adrenaline rush after your ride that makes you super happy and excited? I get an adrenaline rush that drops me like a lead weight and makes me want to cry hysterically as soon as the ride ends. I’ve ridden it once, and I did not enjoy anything until after the last drop, when it was nothing but helixes to the end. (I can handle upside-down, I can handle spinning…..but I HATE drops and I HATE acceleration) Anyway, I need tips on how to enjoy the ride. Do you guys do anything to minimize the feelings? I can get on the stupid thing…..I’m mentally tough. But I don’t want to feel the dropping feeling in my stomach or the panic when we go from 0 to 60 in 4 seconds.
So, do you squeeze your muscles during the rapid acceleration to keep blood flowing? Does it help to exhale while going down a drop? Do you keep your eyes open? Do you sit in the front or the back? Any special breathing techniques? Do you imagine yourself as totally happy? Or do you enjoy feeling like you are going to die?
This, ladies and gentleman, is the ULTIMATE appetite suppressant. But I love my husband and feel too bad to leave him alone in line, so I think I am going to ride it tonight. Help!
POST SCRIPT: I’m alive!!! I even ended my day with only digging in to 2 flex points, too….. Impressive, I know. I did California Screamin’ not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES in a row! I hated it all three times, but I was determined to overcome my fear and try to find ways to cope with all the horrible things I feel when I’m on a roller coaster. I think I’ve partially cracked the code. So, just for my own self edification, here’s the list for getting over the roller coaster phobia:
1. Go to You Tube and search for your scary coaster. Then watch videos of the ride until you know every drop, twist, and turn in your head.
2. Don’t eat beforehand. Be hungry. Drink a lot.
3. Just get through the line and into the seat. Don’t think about the coaster in line. Think about being in line for free goodybags or something happy.
4. Request to sit near the front. The back is a rougher ride and you do pull more G’s. In the front, the cars are decelerated more than the back going down the big hills.
5. On launches, tense your leg muscles and look at your seatmate.
6. Going down hills, scream! Exhaling seems to be the biggest trick to not experiencing that dropping stomach.
7. Keep your eyes open. It’s tempting to close your eyes when you are scared, but it actually makes the ride much, much worse. Keeping them open allows you to anticipate where you are going, which somehow minimizes trauma.
8. Do it over and over again. It’s true, it’s gets easier the more times you do it.
While I will never love roller coasters and will probably not try a trip to Magic Mountain any time soon, I think I’ve cracked my personal code for overcoming fear. What an inspiration yesterday was!

Of Strawberries and Festivals

It really did sound too good to be true. This weekend is the “Strawberry Festival” in Garden Grove. Perhaps my visions of strawberry contests and shortcake stands everywhere was a bit delusional, but let me just say that this Strawberry Festival had NOTHING to do with strawberries and was no better than a dirty carnival with some HORRIBLE booths. We’re talking “write your name on a grain of rice” and “subscribe to the LA Times” kind of exhibitors. Real fun. There was only one stand who was selling strawberries….the rest were fried burritos (yes, I did say fried burritos….how gross is that?), corn dogs, and other vile fair fare. We walked the entire fair in less than a half hour and made out with no strawberries at all. Only I can go to a strawberry festival and not eat a strawberry.
Argh. Needless to say, this put me in a very grumpy mood for the remainder of my day. Why we went to Olive Garden for late lunch/early dinner is beyond me!! I had soup, salad, and breadsticks, with their special low cal dressing. I ate 2 breadsticks because I was angry, and now I regret both of them…..mainly because of my horrid garlic breath, but also, I’m still hungry and those 6 points could have equaled a very filling meal had I waited to eat at home.
Is it bad that I blame my husband for all of this? He is 6′5 and 203 lbs. The boy was blessed with the skinny gene, and he eats everything he feels like….almost as though he’s entitled to do it. When we first moved in together, I must’ve gained 10 lbs because all I did was eat his Toaster Strudel before he got up in the morning, sneak a few Chips Ahoy when he was working late, and partake in cheddar brats for a regular dinner!!! Thankfully, my way of eating has had some sort of effect on his, so those types of foods are not allowed into the house anymore. (If they are, he must place them somewhere so high and covert that I will never find them or get motivated enough to climb up to them) Darling hubby LOVES to eat out, and when he does, he craves the molten lava chocolate cake at Chili’s. And even though he loves me, he will always order it when I’m in the bathroom or even when I’m sitting right in front of him. He KNOWS that it takes more willpower than I often have to sit there and watch him chow down on 2000 calories right before my eyes. Yet he does it anyway.
Today, dear husband and I got in a little spat in the car and I told him he was obsessed. (He is– a bug smooshed into his windshield and he continued to clean it, even though it wasn’t that big of a bug) He turned it around on me and said things would be easier if I wasn’t so obsessed with not eating.
Yeah, not a good thing to say to someone who’s lost 30 some-odd pounds and struggles to keep it off every single day. Does he want the fat girl back? What was that about? I really lost it in the car at that moment. Does he not understand that everything I eat sticks? That if I don’t monitor or avoid situations like Chilis and their evil molten lava chocolate cake, I will go back to the way I used to be….and maybe even more?! Deep down, I know he knows, but it’s so much more convenient for him if I just go with the flow and eat what he eats. He’s a guy, what do I expect?
I expect more.
I know that there are more of you out there that experience the very same thing. The diet sabotage comes from those that you love the very most. They love you, too, but they don’t understand what you are going through. They can’t. I’m hoping that one day, my husband will realize that offering me another bite of his ice cream sundae or trying to lure me into ordering something blatantly unhealthy is not being nice to me….in fact, it’s hurting all of me, body and mind.
Well, this poor entry went South awful fast! My apologies for the vent, but I can’t do it anywhere else and for once, it’s actually on topic. Perhaps the day would have been better had there been more strawberries and festival at the Strawberry Festival.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

No Favors

“Andrew Puzder, CEO of CKE Restaurants, which owns Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s, is bucking the nutritious eating trend by insisting what consumers really want is “a big juicy burger.” Carl’s Jr. today will unveil a beef teriyaki charbroiled burger featuring teriyaki sauce, Swiss cheese, a slice of grilled pineapple and a calorie count of 1,060″ — MSN Money article
I just had to post this because it really irks me. Yeah, America might want a big juicy burger, but if a heart attack goes along with it….are you really doing us a favor?
This is why I don’t eat at Carl’s Jr.

Past Diet Confession

My burger post earlier brought up a very poignant memory from my not-so-distant past. Back in 2002, whilst getting my MBA, I went on Atkins for 9 months. I was a bunless burger-eating fiend and would go to all lengths to find a local McDonald’s to sneak into on our lunch break, often grabbing my partner in crime so we could order 2 double cheeseburgers and hide in the back of the restaurant in shame. I can’t believe I actually DID that! Frankly, I can’t believe I lost weight that way, either. My poor kidneys.
At any rate, that was just a funny memory. Burgers bring back all sorts of feelings of shame because of that. Now, you think WW is hard to stay on? Try Atkins! When you fall off that wagon, getting back on is PAINFUL. (Need we discuss sugar withdrawal? Three days of headaches and mood swings that could even make criminals cringe?!)
I think I went over on points today, but as usual, I’ll fess up in the table below and see how it shakes out. If nothing else, I had way too much sodium and have probably packed on a pound of water retention. Go me.
Food Points
Coffeemate creamer with coffee 2
Apple cinnamon oatmeal 2
Fiberful bar 1
2 servings of my quiche (made 6 servings) 6
1 small apple 1
Packet sugar free hot cocoa 1
1 small banana 1
1 100 calorie pack 2
1/2 cup Honeycomb cereal 2
1 serving of beef stir fry with brown rice 5

Totals 23

OK, used a flex point. Could’ve been worse!! But now the realization that rock climbing is coming up in less than a month is making me feel like I need to get to the gym BADLY. Hopefully it won’t make me gain another 4 lbs. Am just petrified of the gym at this point.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Piggy, piggy, checking in

OK, exaggerating a bit here, but I am writing on a full stomach and I do feel like I ate quite a bit today. No further commentary needed, really. I’ll let you know how I really feel when I see how it all totals in the end:
Food Points
Coffeemate creamer with coffee 2
Apple cinnamon oatmeal 2
Light string cheese 1
2 servings of my surprisingly good quiche (made 6 servings) 6
1 small apple 1
Packet sugar free hot cocoa 1
1 small banana 1
1 barbecue pork sandwich with light bread 3
2 100 cal packs of cupcakes (4 hours of separation) 2
1 pack of Lorna Doone 100 calorie cookies 2
1 Fiberful bar 1
Totals 22
Ok, I don’t feel so bad now. I suppose my banana may have been big enough for 2 points, but I’m not going to get fat eating bananas so I’m going to let that one slide. No activity points for me today. I’ve been soooo sleepy and lazy lately. Hopefully I’ll hit the sack early tonight and catch up on some much needed Z’s.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Danger! Cooking in Progress....

I’m not joking when I say dinner will be served at the sound of the smoke alarm. I may be a smarty pants when it comes to financial analysis, but I’m a D student in the kitchen. I’m currently attempting to make a WW quiche, courtesy of a slightly mangled recipe I found in the depths of the internet. I’ve never made a quiche before, so this could turn out to be 1 disgusting meal. (I have a backup plan, though– barbecue pork from Trader Jo’s) Here’s what I did with the recipe, which totals 17.6 points and probably 4 larger servings at 4.5 points a piece…but seriously, don’t hold me to the points because I don’t have the recipe builder and was only using a pen and paper:
1/2 cup chopped onions
3/4 bag of baby spinach
1 tsp salt, pepper
1 cube of basil (TJ’s has these frozen cubes that equal 1 tsp chopped)
1 1/2 cups 1% milk
3/4 cup reduced fat Bisquick
3/4 cup Eggbeaters
3 ounces mozzarella
2 very thin slices of proscuitto
You spray an 11 x 17 pan with non-stick, layer the proscuitto, spinach, onion, all the cheese, onion, and spinach into the pan. In a seperate bowl, mix the milk, egg, Bisquick, salt, pepper, and basil together (original recipe recommended blending, but I was too lazy for that). Then add to the pan and bake for 45 minutes at 400 F.
I will let you know how this one goes and update my day later on tonight.
UPDATE: SCORE!!! This is a good one. Soooo yummy. Make sure you cook it all the way, though. I got hungry and pulled it out at 40 minutes….it definitely needed 45-50 in my oven. Also, 2 layers of spinach wasn’t so smooth. The top layer didn’t get covered in egg and burned a little bit. Otherwise, fabulous. I’m so proud! UPDATE OVER
As for the weekend, well, suffice it to say I ate everything in site in my house. Thankfully, that only equated to a few bananas and 2 packs of Hostess 100 calorie cupcakes, but I was still hurtin’ for certain this morning and up a lb. Chinese food for lunch today probably didn’t help, but I’m hoping my quiche will redeem me!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Killer SoCal Deals

I just have to brag about the deal I got at Pavilions yesterday….all by accident, of course. Hostess 100-calorie cupcakes, 2 for $5 with the Vons card. Now, considering they are $3.99 each at Target, I was skipping to the register and not ashamed at all that this was all I managed to purchase.
I also just signed up for this online coupon thing called “The Grocery Game.” I figured that with all the name-brand stuff my husband eats, surely I can walk away from this with some savings, particularly when it comes to personal items and household cleaners. I’m not usually a coupon clipper because I hate holding up lines (hey, I came from DC and hate waiting, what do you expect?!), but the savings really can be phenomenal. This morning, I pulled up my grocery stores (I got free subscriptions to Vons, Ralph’s, Stater Bros, Walgreens, and CVS) and each printed me out a list with recommended items for stockpiling, freebies, and then good deals if I was desperate. I think we’re going to hit Stater Bros. tomorrow for some Lloyd’s Barbecue (can get it for $2.50) and chicken breasts. Until then, I’m hitting up TJ’s as always and trying to follow Miss July’s shopping list.
They aren’t going to quench your hunger, but they certainly are a nice treat

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Cake, and how it really messed up dinner

Yesterday was May birthday day in the office. I’m usually one of those people that hears the announcements and hides in the bathroom until the cake is demolished so that I don’t have to be tempted OR taunted. But today, since I’m a May birthday, I decided to enter the cake zone and partake in 1/3 of a slice because….it’s my birthday! (Well, not officially until the end of the month, but you catch my drift)
Although lovely, the cake certainly put a kink in my dinner plans. I surely had eaten the remainder of my points by the time I had the cake at 3pm, so when I got home I concocted the most obscene veggie egg white omlette you could imagine. Rather than adding my cherished cheese, I just doused it in Tabasco Sauce and reminded myself that *I* chose the birthday cake. Nobody made me do it. if I wanted cheese, I should’ve skipped the cake. At any rate, the omlette was enough and I survived my evening. Although I can’t know for sure what 1/3 a slice of heavenly cake is worth in points, I’m willing to wager yesterday was still higher than 22 points.
Alas, today is a new, cake-free day. We are headed to the Oceanside Pier for some fun and sunshine (if the May Gray ever lifts), and hopefully we can hit the gym, too. My gym is probably celebrating my prolonged absence— I will need to go every day next week to make up all this lost value!
So, here’s hoping that today is well-behaved and fun

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Why Can't Grey's be on Before Dinner?

Seriously, I wouldn’t get the evening munchies at all if Grey’s came on at 5:30pm. I’d spend half my night blubbering and nauseous and leave insane points on the table. Sorry, just had to vent. It never ceases to amaze me how that show can take you from comedy to sorrow/horror in no time flat! And now I have to wait all summer to feel better.
On the bright side (can you tell I’m not always an optimist? Bright side ALWAYS is in the second paragraph), my trip to San Francisco was fantastic. We walked our site and ALL around the SOMA/Embarcadero/Financial/Rincon Hill/South Beach areas of town, and I topped it off with a phenomenal lunch at some financial district grill……grilled mahi mahi on a bed of basmati rice in some sensational light, frothy, citrusy broth….. I loved it! Anyway, all the walking did make me think about why I want to continue on this weight loss journey. It’s all about an acronym: I - T - C. What I wouldn’t give to have daylight between my thighs so I can walk around in a skirt on a hot sweaty day and not be crippled within 2 hours if I’m not wearing hose. Yes, I know this is sort of a crude topic and definitely something that’s TMI, but I’m going there. I wonder what it’s gonna take for some ITC? 10 lbs? 15 lbs? 20? Good grief!!! I was with my new boss and I couldn’t exactly explain why I was walking around the airport with a pained look on my face. How crossing my legs at lunch made me want to cry. Why it’s probably going to be another 3 days before I can wear another skirt again without my skin turning permanently pink.
UGH. See, I turned my bright side into a negative. See what Grey’s Anatomy does to me?
I think I did well with my eating today, but I didn’t exactly tally all the points. OK, mentally it was 23. Tomorrow, I’m back to my regular journal. No more lazy, depressed, and sore excuses for not copying the stupid table and adding it to the blog.
With that, I am off to bed. To cry some more, to stew, and then to start the day all over again. Thank you, Grey’s Anatomy.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Preparing for Travel

Well, I just finished packing my travel bag for a quick day trip to San Fran tomorrow. Talk about spur of the moment! I know we’ll be eating at least two meals out, so I’ve got a few bars and some soy nuts in case I run out of gas in the meantime. The bonus of eating out while on business is that the brokers take us to very nice restaurants, and I’ve found that their chefs are much better about preparing you something that is low fat and good tasting. (Or they are just more willing to take orders!)
Today was nondescript. Admittedly, I have not been to the gym in a week and a half. I planned to go tonight, but with my impromptu trip I had to run a ton of errands and come home and iron/clean my suit of choice. I feel bad, but you know what?? 151.5. That, everyone, is goal. Why is it that I stop exercising, eat the same old stuff, and lose weight? (I say I haven’t been to the gym, but I have done a short upper body circuit in my condo’s gym every 3 days, so it’s not like I’ve been totally sedentary) My body is just weird.
So, I’ve eaten all my points today, but the night is young. I’m in trouble! But like I always say, le body loves 25 pts a day, and even if I have a day where I don’t officially “count,” I nearly always hit 25. Sort of my maintenance thing. So, if I overeat and then complain about not getting back to the 140’s, it’s my own darn fault this time:
Food Points
Coffeemate creamer with coffee 2
Special K 90 calorie bar 2
Fiberful bar 1
TJ’s light mozzarella string cheese 1
Lean Cuisine pizza 6
Packet sugar free hot cocoa 1
1 serving of rice crackers 2
Lo-cal pita with slice of 2% cheese and rotisserie chicken 7
1 cup of green beans with ICBINB spray 0
Chocolate Hostess 100 cal cupcakes 1

Totals 22

Friday, May 11, 2007

Menu Update

Just wanted to be accountable for yesterday and add my points table for the day. I did really well until the very end of the night when I added 4 dark chocolate covered macadamia nuts to the mix. Oops. ;) I did, however, drink more water than should be allowed by a human being. Here’s to hoping it flushed SOMETHING out of my system!

Food Points
Coffeemate creamer with coffee 1
Fiber One Bar 2
Pria Bar 2
ZPizza salad with bleu cheese crumbles and walnuts, 1 tbsp dressing 5
TJ’s light mozzarella string cheese 1
Packet sugar free hot cocoa 1
100 calorie pack Grasshoppers 2
Trader Jo Honey Nut O’s…..1 serving 2
Small Ham & Cheese sandwich 3
Mini TJ’s pizza 3
4 dark chocolate macadamia nuts 2
Totals 24
Used 2 flex points. I’m going to pull the plug on them until Sunday, so we’ll see if I can stick to 22 for Saturday!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Take That! You Naughty Scale.....

152. Same as when I started here. Woohoo!! You guys were right. Just get on it and get over it.
I sit here out of points, full, but knowing that the worst of my munchies will happen shortly. Oh, the joy of knowing your body and what it wants before it really wants it. I had a game plan earlier– eat 2 flex points in the form of an egg white omlette loaded with veggies and tabasco sauce. I don’t feel like doing dishes, so hopefully it won’t come to that.
I tried a new Lean Cuisine today for lunch, something about ravioli with vegetables in a bowl. I have to say, it looked really nice. But the taste was only so-so. I’d say that Smart Ones definitely has Lean Cuisine beat in the ravioli category. Now I just need to drink some more to get it all out of my system!!
Can I just say that whoever posted about the Holey Donuts is TOAST!!! Yes, you know who you are. Now you’ve got me considering ordering a dozen donuts from who knows where for an ungodly $2 a piece, without shipping. I don’t even spend that much on Vitamuffins! Are they even any good? (Please say no. Talk me out of it. Somebody shake me)
This has been quite a week for me. Turns out on Monday, I’m getting a new boss. I can’t say that this was entirely unexpected, but it certainly went down pretty quickly. In my heart I know that it’s a good move, but the unknown regarding his replacement is enough to make me want to eat. (See journal below…’ll know what I’m talking about) For just once I’d love a little bit of stability. I love change, but it’s been a little extreme for the past year. I suppose that’s why I enjoy blogging every night– it’s one of my few chances to create a routine in my life.
So, with that lovely token of psychoanalysis, here’s the day:
Food Points
Coffeemate creamer with coffee 1
Fiber One Bar 2
Pria Bar 2
Lean Cuisine stuffed ravioli with veggies 5
Fiberful bar 1
Packet sugar free hot cocoa 1
100 calorie Chips Ahoy granola bar 2
Trader Jo Honey Nut O’s…..4 servings (3/4 cup each) 8

Totals 22
Next week I’m throwing out all of my cereal. Or I’m moving onto chain-eating Fiber One!

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Still Too Afraid to Look at the scale

I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, but I have not wanted to step on the scale for nearly a week now. I didn’t go off the deep end with my parents’ visit, but I also didn’t count points and for all I know I blew through my flex points and then some. But that uncertainty is just killing me! I feel like I’m up, out of control, hopeless……all feelings that might, just might, disappear if I step on the scale and prove to myself that I didn’t do any damage. Yet I am sure I did, and somehow seeing the scale go up AGAIN would be far too much for me to handle– even worse than speculation!
Ugh. It must be a female thing. I’m just crazy and my hormones are surging. Tomorrow, I will step on the scale. I have to.
As an aside, yesterday’s Disneyland theme prompted me to find a great article that I read prior to my first park visit. It’s good stuff:
I ate a pretzel today. No butter. I was doing some shopping at Target on my lunch break and the hubby really wanted to stop at the snack stand. Lucky me! All the sandwiches were too many points, and I had a craving….so lunch was a salted, unbuttered pretzel with a 100 calorie pack of beef jerkey. Hey, at least I got my protein in. So now I need to find a way to get some veggies in for dinner, because I’ve been slacking in the health food department as of late. I need to get myself to a grocery store.
Here’s the day so far and what I hope to make for dinner if I can get motivated:
Food Points
Coffeemate creamer with coffee 2
1 All Bran Bar 2
1 Unsalted, Unbuttered pretzel 5
100 calorie pack of beef jerkey 2
Fiberful bar 1
Dannon Light n’ Fit yogurt 1
Ham & Cheese English Muffin 3
100 calorie cupcakes 2
2 prunes 1
Sugar free Jello 1

Totals 20

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Vacation Temptation

Just a quick little update so I don’t get out of the habit….
Parental visit has been a blast, but as expected, eating out every day has been difficult! Yesterday, while everyone had fish & chips and fried clams, I ate shrimp cocktail. The night before, while everyone got fabulous smothered burritos and carnitas, I tried to behave and had a plain taco, no cheese, no nothin’….. So I’m trying, but one never knows. If I maintain this week, it’ll be a miracle!!
At any rate, hope all is well with everyone this weekend. Take care