Monday, September 28, 2009

Feeling left out

Thanks for the congrats, Amanda and Amelia and Leah! (My only readers...I post for you!) :)

So, the past few weeks have been discouraging. I've been nauseous all day long, particularly in the mornings, so I've been loathe to leave the house to exercise on the weekends. I've been reduced to 50 minutes at lunch on the spin bike or elliptical, a few times a week at work.....and one yoga class per week. Of course, it's regular yoga, so I'm skipping the ab work and also the twisting motions. Once the bump arrives, I fear that will be the end of regular yoga. We spend so much time on our tummies or bending over, I cannot imagine what I will end up doing to pass the time.

On top of feeling like crap, we close on our house on Wednesday AND have to move out by 5pm the same day. So I am a bit of a wreck, trying to pack everything up and place it in storage as an interim holding place. My stomach has been a huge impediment, as I've discovered round ligament totally prohibits me from lifting anything over 20 lbs. Talk about a bummer. I'm mad!

My rec center's schedule has been atrocious for swimming, so I haven't done any swimming since I volunteered at Tri for the Cure in early August. Thankfully, swimming comes back easily for me, so I'm not too concerned about starting it up later in pregnancy.

I'm still in denial, btw. I think I'll be like you, Leah. Detached until the end. I wish I wasn't, but somehow I still don't believe there's a baby in there. I've just gained 7 lbs for nothing. (Don't get me started on the weight gain....what the hell?!!!)

The prenatal care is also making me nuts. My uber conservative company has purposely excluded genetic testing from our maternity coverage, so the $700 NT scan which tells us our risk for Downs and other genetic disorders (and gives us the only ultrasound in between the Blob stage and the anatomy scan) is out of pocket!! I canceled the test. I can't spend that kind of money right now to be told I have a 1 in 1000 chance of having a kid with Downs. I'm thinking I'll wait until 15 weeks to get the Quad Screen blood test. But I'm still mad about the cost of the nT scan and intend to bitch about it to the Dr. next week when I go for my regular appointment.

I guess that's my update. I'm totally out of shape, too nauseous to work out in the mornings, and panicky that I'll never get back to the way I used to be. All my old friends did the OC Tri this past weekend, and I stared at the results page for an hour this morning, wondering where I would have been last year vs. how pathetic I would have been this year. (Heck, in my condition, I wouldn't have finished!) Pre-partum depression? Yeah, that's me. Or it's just me being stressed and hating the fact that I can't button any of my pants.

Why did I do this again?

Oh, so someone can afford to put me in the retirement home when I turn 90.


Sunday, September 13, 2009

On Hiatus

I've been gone for about 8 weeks now. Mainly because I haven't been training, racing, or doing much of anything aside from hanging on.

You see, the improbable has happened.

Now, before you go thinking this was an accident, you might be surprised that this was 100% planned. I'm not stupid! (Although I kind of feel that way right now)

Meet the spawn. The parasite. Voldemort. The next member of our family. :) Right now, the blob is 8 weeks, 1 day this picture, it was 7 weeks, 4 days.

We are very happy, but at the same time, I'm not really the model pregnant woman. I'm thankful to have a healthy baby, but I loathe being pregnant. I hate what it's done to my energy levels. I hate feeling so nauseous all day long that I just want to cry. I hate having crazy food and smell aversions. I hate the extra lbs and squishiness. Oh my gosh, it's torture! Not to mention the skin breakouts and the gargantuan boobs.

My workouts have been pathetic as of late. When I do have the energy for them, it's usually a slow aerobic bike ride averaging 16-17 mph for only an hour and ten minutes. I've got random 20-milers logged here and there. The running sucks pretty bad. I get winded so easily, so I am constantly walking to get my rate of perceived exertion back down to an acceptable range. My rec center pool's swim schedule blows, so I haven't been to the pool yet, either. I can manage 50 minutes on the elliptical at work, but only if I have the time and my boss lets me go over my lunch hour.....lately, she hasn't been so willing. We've been working crazy hours and I just feel myself slipping away.

ugh! Anyway, I struggle every day with feeling so miserable when I should be so thankful. I know it won't have any impact on how I feel about this baby once it arrives, but I still am weirded out by everything. Even hearing the heartbeat was a freakish experience. That's coming from ME?! There's something alive inside of me? Oh my gosh -- so weird.

I'm signed up for next year's triathlon season. I'll be going to swim practices starting in hopefully I'll be in really good shape by the time delivery rolls around on April 24th. But we'll see. I've got my medical deferral to Boulder 70.3 next year, so the goal is to just toe the line the first week in August. Wonder if I can do it?!

We are also closing on our new house on the 30th of September. We've been squared away on the loan side for over 2 months now, but the inspections on the home are insane. I'll be leaving work for a few hours here and there for the next few weeks, but I'm not allowed to take more than a 1/2 day off because we're in the busy season. Lucky me! So we're packing on the weekends and putting boxes into a storage unit. I'm so stressed, but I guess we'll manage to work it out.

So that's my update! Will try to post more regularly now that my secret's out. Still trying to keep it quiet on Facebook while I get over it a little more.....but what can you do?