Tomorrow evening, at 8:12pm, Derek will have been with us for a year. A whole year! I feel a mixture of pride, sadness, and serious denial when I start to process this. I can't say I knew half of what I was getting myself into a year ago today when I was desperate to NOT be pregnant anymore. I downed several cartons of spicey Chinese food and a Pu Pu Platter. My mother forced me to eat 3 of her incredibly potent "Labor Cookies." I walked several miles, even running down my street in the end for good measure.
I was impatient, but I had no idea of the road that lay ahead. Pain. Massive sleep deprivation. Depression. Questioning. More pain. Stress. Marital discord. Family drama. Tears. Hope. Promise. Devotion. Smiles. Smirks. Laughter. Raspberries. Hugs. Kisses. Tugs. Falls. First Steps. Happiness. Completeness.
I'm full circle in a year. Derek has brought a sense of family to our small family of 2 + cat, and the new reality isn't a sacrifice after all. We're meant to be together. A year with Derek has shown me that despite all the initial battles I had with this new sense of family, I no longer doubt that this was what we were meant to do in life. He is the perfect combination of DH and I. A super type A with a gentle side....mischievous, loving, and fun. He doesn't talk yet, but he is running laps around our house, can feed himself with a spoon, is nearly converted to all sippy cups and whole milk. He has grown up right before our eyes!
Driving to get him from daycare tonight, I felt anxious. But then again, I feel anxious every night when I return to him. It's true when they say that having a child means having your heart reside outside of your body. I almost feel pain without him around, but as soon as I pick him up, my heart is complete again. It was soooo corny the first time I heard it. And then when Derek was born, I still thought it was a total load of crap. But a year later? I subscribe.
So while reminiscing tonight and fighting back tears, I'm filled with amazement at this gorgeous little guy. I know that the next year will be a new, wonderful adventure and even though it doesn't involve triathlon (but it does involve the Tough Mudder!), I think it will be one of my best years yet. :)
Happy Birthday, Baby D. You make me proud!