When faced with troubling, stressful, life-altering news, I no longer want to eat. No, I am nauseous. Instead, I want to go for a long bike ride. A run. Or perhaps, go for a swim.
I'd do all those, except I can't stop crying.
DH failed his exam today. Most airlines send you packing if you fail a test, but this one thankfully gives you a second chance. Next Wednesday, after goes through more training with the group.
At this point, I don't know why he failed, and why he didn't work harder to make sure this didn't happen. This is OUR life he's potentially screwing up by not passing. He's smart, I know it. Why didn't he make sure he was prepared? Why didn't he stay up every night? Why did he insist on coming home for 4 whole days when quite clearly they gave them to him to study? Why did I allow it?
I'm upset that I am even doubting him at this point. He's doubting himself, and that just gets me....mostly because I can't relate. I NEVER say I can't do something. In fact, when I set my sights on it, it's happening. So it boggles my mind to hear him say "I don't think I can do it." How in the hell can I support him when I hear these words? I just don't know what to do. I can't do anything for him. I'm supposed to be supportive, but I want to scream at him for failing. Shake him violently. Tell him that he ruined my day and he's putting our future in jeopardy. Tell him to get his ASS IN GEAR and study!
I need the strength to be kind and supportive, two things I apparently am not.
And these f*cking ants. I hate them. They are everywhere, but not in large enough quantities where I can actually find where they are. And I have no idea what they are after--- they are in my bathroom, in my closet (ant on my suit this morning when I got out of the car-- I freaking had a meltdown), on my computer desk, on the floor in my computer room. But not in the flipping kitchen where there's actually food. I hate ants!!!!!!
There's no good news to report, either.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
{{hugs!}} Bless your heart!
Maybe failing this first time will be the kick in the ask that your hub needs. I know it's gotta be hard to not do it yourself. Just be there for him. That's all you can do. It's gonna work out - I promise!!
Just take a deep breath --- maybe failing the first time around will be a reality check and he'll get in gear and really study this time. Just be there for him...say it even if you don't feel it! You guys will get through this!
-Chris
BTW, I got lots of advice from folks at my wedding (most of it went right out of my head moments after it was said, but this one didn't:
Everyone says marriage is a fifty/fifty partnership, but that's just not true. Sometimes, you have to carry it all for awhile and sometimes he will. During the best of times, it's 50/50...
Post a Comment