He's Here!

Wow. It's been 2 1/2 weeks already, and I can't believe it. It still seems so surreal. In my sleep-deprived haze, time has both stood still and flown by. I'm a Mom and I'm still in denial about it!

So, it all started on the 26th. I woke up at 3am to pee, as usual, but when I got back to bed I noticed that my Braxton Hicks contractions were starting to migrate down into my pelvis a little bit. This was definitely a new sensation, so I looked at the clock and waited to see if I had another one....and sure enough, 8 minutes later, there it was. So, I kind of freaked out at this point and headed out of bed and onto the computer, where I setup a spreadsheet to time contractions and then kill time. Within an hour, they were down to 5 minutes apart, and then a half hour after that, we were at 3 minutes apart. At this point, I was pretty positive this was "it," so I hopped into the bathtub to see if the contractions would slow down or stop....if they did, then it would be false labor. Alas, in the tub, they stayed 2-3 minutes apart. At 6am, I called the Dr. because the contractions had been 2-3 minutes apart for over an hour. She told me to get to the hospital, so I woke up DH and told him this was it! His response? "Do I have time to take a shower and eat breakfast?"

Sure. Why not?! They were still just uncomfortable, so I flat ironed my hair and put on makeup while DH scrambled about getting ready to leave. I forced myself to eat, called my Mom to tell her this was it, then sobbed in the living room on my yoga ball. (Which, coincidentally, provided no relief at all) What an emotional roller coaster!

We checked into triage at 8am and they put me on the monitor to see if I really was in labor. The nurse said, "so, you are 40 weeks and 2 days. Do you think you are in labor?" I almost smacked her. I told her if this wasn't the real deal, then she should shoot me now!

Since a bunch of women came in at the same time who were farther along than me (vomiting in transition -- seriously?!), we stayed in triage for about an hour and a half. At about 9:30am, we were admitted to our antipartum room. The founder of my OB practice was on hospital duty for the day, so I was excited. I never thought I'd want a man to deliver my child, but when the time comes, you really want the experience. At any rate, I was 4.5cm dilated and 70% effaced at that point, so they hooked up my IV and he sent me on a walking tour of L&D. 1 hour of walking, a check, and then another hour of walking.

The first hour wasn't too bad, and I was really tearing ass around L&D. In fact, we got numerous "this is not a race" comments from people. (Seriously, why walk slowly?!) The contractions were staying pretty tolerable, but I was hopeful that the walking was helping.

Eh. 5cm after an hour of walking, so off we went on another hour of walking. This hour, things got more intense. I had trouble walking through most of the contractions.....and I was tending to drop a few "f" bombs here and there. There was definitely relief in between contractions, but I had a few issues where my contractions would not die down -- the uterus would just continue contracting with little relief. THAT sucked.

My Dr. checked me at 12:30 and I was 5.5cm and 100% effaced. At that point, he recommended that I get an epidural (it was in my plans from the beginning).....he said that oftentimes, the epidural slows down contractions, and we wanted to see that because baby was having a few issues with my psychotic overactive uterus. SO, I cried Uncle and ordered the epidural. I'm glad I didn't wait until I was in excruciating pain, because it took about an hour to get the darn thing! But the anesthesiologist was fantastic --- his wife was a marathoner so he was talking triathlon with me as he placed it. He did a bang-up job and there was pretty quick relief. I LOVED it. All this worry about the epidural, and it was the best part of my day. And the Fentanyl they lace the epidural drugs with? Bloody brilliant!

Dr. broke my water at that point, which was really weird. I had sensation in my legs and could move them, so I felt the gushes of water after every contraction -- at that point, I realized that all sense of modesty went out the window. Especially since there was meconium in my water. Ew.

DH and I were trying to figure out what movie to watch when my parents and sisters came in to visit me. I felt great, but I was paranoid about the pushing part. I think part of me enjoyed laying around in my epidural-induced stupor. Anyway, as we were visiting, about 3 nurses ran into the room really quickly. They rolled me onto my side, wrangled my family out the door, and then shoved an internal probe up my you-know-what so that they could monitor the baby. Apparently, I had dilated to 10cm within the hour and baby had dropped to -2, creating a massive deceleration in his heartrate that got them worried. Thankfully, he recovered, but the nurses were still a little traumatized.

At this point, my Dr. comes in. It's 4:00pm or 4:30pm? He says that we are going to sit at 10cm for an hour or so in order for baby to recover from the deceleration, and then we'll start pushing. I was fine with this, as I didn't have the urge to push, nor did I particularly want to get started!

Somehow this hour flew by and before I knew it, we were pushing. I couldn't really feel the contractions too much, but we did what we could. An hour into pushing, I apparently developed a fever of 103 and they started pushing antibiotics into my IV. Around this same time, we noticed that the baby's heartrate was hovering around 200 bpm and was not recovering in between contractions. They had me stop pushing, which at this point became quite difficult. I didn't want to up my epidural drip because I was concerned about how it was effecting the baby, but I didn't enjoy writhing in pain as I resisted pushing. Dr. was apparently delivering a baby next door, so we were on hold. Poor nurse was freaking out in silence!

When my Dr. came back in, he announced that the baby was sunny side up. He decided that he would reach in and try to turn him during a contraction. THAT was the most painful thing I've ever felt in life. I didn't scream, but I desperately wanted to. What a nightmare. We made no progress whatsoever! While the Dr. continued to monitor the tape of my contractions and baby's heartrate, I kept pushing....it did seem pointless, though.

All this time, I kept telling my husband to prepare himself for a c-section. I knew that all the silence in the delivery room and the worried faces meant that a vaginal birth was likely not possible. My Dr. sat down next to us and basically told us we had 2 options, and neither one was going to be easy -- we either do an emergency c-section, or we attempt a forceps delivery....and risk having a c-section regardless. I opted for option 2. I know forceps are frowned upon, but I was thinking if any Dr. could do a skillful delivery, it was mine. He looked worried, but I went ahead and signed the consent forms for the c-section just in case. A slew of nurses came into the delivery room....NICU nurses for the baby, one to monitor me and my fever, and then the anesthesiologist.

My favorite Dr. gave me a little extra booster into my epidural, and it was wonderful......I didn't feel a single thing, even when they reinserted the urinary catheter. (yes, it went in twice -- woohoo!) When the Dr. grabbed the forceps, I was blissfully unaware of what was happening. I just kept pushing on command (DH did a great job counting to ten, since I was inclined to cheat and stop at 9). DH was so traumatized by what was happening that he didn't even peak. Thank goodness, because rest assured I had probably crapped the table fifty times by the time the delivery was over.

Long story short, Dr. managed to turn him 3/4 of the way and then with forceps, pulled him into this world. Derek's initial apgar was a 3, but they quickly pumped his tummy and lungs and by the five minute mark, he was up to an 8. He's been robust and healthy ever since! 20.5 inches long and 7 lbs, 10 oz in weight. I was so shocked I had a relatively little baby. DH and I were mostly traumatized when he was born and they didn't let us hold him for about 20 minutes after he was born. Which was fine, as we needed the time to compose ourselves. I made DH leave my side 5 minutes after his birth to go look after Derek in the corner of the room while I found out that I'd had an episiotomy. Ouch! Well, I didn't feel it at the time. No additional tearing, either, so that was nice.

We called our family in after we got stitched up and acquainted for the first time, and they were all in tears. He was born at 8:12pm.......can you imagine being at 10cm for that long? Insanity. But we are incredibly thankful he was born safe and sound after that long ordeal.

The first few weeks have been a trial, I won't lie. I didn't realize that sleep deprivation, hormones, and the recovery pains would knock me out quite like they have. I do love Derek, but some nights I wonder what I've done to my life. Apparently, this is all normal. So, I am just waiting.....waiting for the weather to turn nice so I can take some longer walks, and waiting for the feelings of regret to be overcome with love for this baby. Don't get me wrong....I love him. I may even be IN love with him. But I haven't been hit with the "I cannot imagine my life without him" schpiel that women wax about the instant they become pregnant. Perhaps I'm just not wired like that? Or perhaps once my sleepy fog lifts, I'll be there. Nonetheless, he is plenty loved, so no worries.

So, that's the birth story! I'll add a few pics to the bottom of this post. Thanks for the well-wishes......

Like the Energizer Bunny

.....this pregnancy keeps going, and going, and going.....

39 weeks and 6 days as of tomorrow. One day away from the big due date. I should be excited, but if I've learned anything these past 9+ months, it's that the due date really doesn't mean anything. Baby will come when my body is ready and not a day beforehand. I can hope and pray that I fall within the "normal" range and drop this child at 40 weeks, but I have a sneaking suspicion I have another week left of contractions and backaches and stretch marks to look forward to.

I am loathe to admit that exercising stopped 3 weeks ago. Aside from neighborhood walks, I have not been swimming, nor have I worked out in the gym at work. I have an irrational fear of my water breaking on the elliptical machine. Or my water breaking in the pool and having meconium in it, so everyone knows who to blame for the greenish hue. You know, totally stupid. And to be honest, I finally reached the uncomfortable, sleepy stage where I just don't care anymore. I've worked hard for 8 months....this month was a lost cause for me.

Seeing the Dr. tomorrow for my last "official" appointment. He'll tell me I've gained a million pounds, that my blood pressure is stellar, and that I've made no progress since 37 weeks. And I'll be hella-pissed. But I'm going to make him sweep my membranes tomorrow, even if it hurts like a mofo. I figure, it's got to be better than a Pitocen induction, right?

Speaking of induction, it's on the books. Next Friday morning, the 30th.... How scary is that? Assuming nothing happens tomorrow, this next weekend will be our last without a child. Our lives are never going to be the same again. How am I supposed to be productive at work when I have these kinds of big thoughts to stare down?

And then there's the fear of labor. Oh my gosh, I'm really petrified. I figure I can probably handle the pain, but emotionally am I ready for it? Ugh. Everyone else seems ready. Guess I'd better wrap my head around it pretty quickly.

So with that, I'm updated. Still pregnant. Still huge. And increasingly tired. So if anyone out there thinks I should rest more, kiss my ass -- insomnia blows. :)

Not over Yet.....

So I sit here at 38 weeks, 1 day......and I am restless!

Lots and lots of upheaval on my new triathlon team. The head coach and really the greatest thing since sliced bread was fired, which was just devastating news because I've loved training with her this past year. (Even though I've been injured or pregnant most of the time) I don't understand most of the circumstances surrounding it, but I think it's probably because she had an affair with one of the other coaches. To be honest, I could care less about this! So she is starting her own team and I will be joining that after I recover from having the baby. They are meeting up and practicing on their own, and it's making me so jealous that I can't make it. AH!!

Had a huge pregnancy-related setback last week that required me to stay home from work in agony for 6 days. Horrible! Will have to deal with that after the baby is born with some surgery. JOY.

I'm finding myself constantly wondering when labor is going to start. It's almost an unhealthy obsession. My back hurts? Is it coming in waves? Was that an abdominal cramp? Could my Braxton Hicks get any tighter? Was that the "bloody show?" Seriously, it's enough to make me crazy. I've eaten 4 packages of swiss rolls in 24 hours. 800 calories. Can you believe that crap? I'm drowning my sorrows in chocolate, since I haven't really indulged during this pregnancy.

So, that's about it from me. Still here. Still ginormous. Still wondering when it's all going to go down. I do know they won't let me go beyond May 1st, so at least the end is on the horizon...... I *will* make it.

Stick a Fork in Me!

I'm done. Seriously, this is getting a bit ridiculous. I know I have 3 more days until I hit "full term," but I feel like I've done my time. I've put up with months and months of Braxton Hicks contractions. I'm starting to get stretch marks under my belly from this ginormous baby I am growing. My nights are full of 3-5 pee breaks a night, sometimes interspersed with bouts of insomnia. My feet are starting to swell. We don't discuss the roids. It's all bad at this point, and I don't think it's going to get better until this baby comes into this world.

Instead of hitting the gym today, I walked in, smelled the guy who was running on the treadmill, then ran out while choking back vomit. Got dressed back into my work clothes and had a spur of the moment lunch with the hubs. !!!! What has become of me?

Well, up until last month, exercise made me feel better. I still got that high. I got energized. But now, exercise makes me tired. I have to stop frequently so that the cramps calm down, and afterwards, I want to take a nap. What the heck?! But I hope I can get back to swimming soon...

Speaking of swimming, my triathlon team has completely gone soap opera. They fired the head coach, who I have a HUGE amount of respect for, and now I am so angry I don't feel motivated to attend the group practices. Quite frankly, the remaining coaches don't have the skills or teaching abilities that I think I need in a Coach. So, I guess this also makes the timing right for baby. It'll give my old Coach time to get her business together and then when I am ready to train again, I'll sign on with her and go from there. :)

Anyway, have my 37 week appointment tomorrow. Since last week I was neither dilated nor effaced, I don't intend to consent to an internal tomorrow. What's it going to tell me? At this point, my water either needs to break or I need to be crying in pain in order to know if I'm in labor. I don't need the disappointment of an internal showing no progress. And who wants internals, anyway? They are so painful!

So, that's my scoop. Not feeling like doing the pregnancy survey, because it's getting a little old. And besides, I think I've covered all the bases. While I'm not "miserable," I'm now ready to meet my son. BRING IT!

Hanging on

This week, I downgraded myself to "Upper Intermediate" swimming. It's a bit slower-paced than Advanced, and when I am done, I am not left crampy and out of breath. (Instructions from Dr.: "Easy does it.")

I have to say, swimming is a heck of a lot more enjoyable when I'm not one of the slowest in the pool. In fact, I got quite a few "oh shits" when I got out of the pool at the end and my lanemates discovered I was pregnant. Go me! It's endurance month, so this makes life much easier than doing painful kicking drills. I just hope I can keep it up until the bitter end.

Which, isn't too far off. How scary is that? Had my baby shower last week, and so many people came- it was so much fun to have all of my friends and family in the same place. Stressful, but fun! My little house BARELY held everybody. And they put quite a dent in my registry so that this weekend, I didn't have to drop $1K at Babies R Us to finish it all off. Whoever said all a baby needs is a crib and love is full of crap! (Or am I full of baby crap?! I do feel like I could run a nursery now)

I'm DONE with work. Not literally, just figuratively. I haven't checked out, but I am way more sensitive and stressed out than I usually am, and it's just not making for a pleasurable last month. My feet are starting to swell, too, so this makes looking good a little problematic. Some days, I am tempted to leave the office barefoot!

Anyway, here's my weekly log for baby this week, as i haven't done much on the workout end aside from swimming and a few hours of elliptical and yoga. Woohoo.....

How far along? 34 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 34 lbs GAINED....I'm so over it.
Sleep: I wake up to pee every hour and a half, but most of the time I can go back to sleep.
Best moment this week: Um....Friday night when I was done with work???

Movement: He's a sleepy little guy. Has a few bouts of hyperactivity a few times a day, but is mostly pretty quiet.
Food cravings: Nope. But chocolate sounds extra good.
Stretch Marks: Last weekend, I got one under my belly. I'm pissed. So much for my fancy lotion.
Gender: Boy!!
Labor Signs: More Braxton Hicks this week, but Dr. isn't concerned. Thinks it'll be fun to see if I've progressed at my 36 week appointment.

Belly Button in or out? In...but it ain't pretty.
What I miss: Full use of my right wrist.
What I am looking forward to: Taking the baby for a run in the stroller. Can't wait for warm weather and the ability to run without feeling like I have a bowling ball between my hips.

Weekly Wisdom: It's possible to be ready but not ready. ;)
Milestones: Um, that crappy stretch mark!

Hold Your Horses!

That's a message to my uterus, by the way. My irritable uterus.

What a week. After two solid weeks of insane Braxton Hicks contractions, I decided that I needed more reassurance that nothing was happening than an internal exam. So yesterday I call the nurse's line and told them that I was well-hydrated, had a desk job, and that my 6-10 contractions an hour were taking my breathe away. So in I go to the office.....

We start with the fetal fibronectin test, which basically tests for a protein that can indicate whether you will go into labor within the next 2 weeks. A negative is more conclusive than a positive......it basically assures you with 95% confidence that you won't go into labor within that 2 week period.

After that, I had an ultrasound to check out my cervical length. Of course, they pull out the vag-cam for this one. Joy! More probing. (Get used to it, right?) Everything looks great....nice and thick and high, and baby's head is down already. He was sticking his tongue out at us and practicing breathing, so that was pretty cute.

General consensus after the negative fetal fibronectin test and the high and closed cervix is that I just have an irritable uterus. The contractions aren't causing anything else to happen, so they are harmless at the moment. I'm not supposed to exercise too much when they are hot and heavy, but I also don't have to put my life on hold unless they get even stronger or more painful.

So, that was scary yesterday. For a minute there, they were talking about drugs like terbutaline and procardia, and mentioning going to the hospital for fetal monitoring and other fun stuff. I'm so relieved that he's staying put for a while and that I'm not on bed rest! I did skip swimming this week, though.....figured I owed it to the baby to at least take his safety and well being seriously.

Anyway, we have childbirth classes tomorrow night and Saturday, so it should be entertaining! And just to keep with the general baby-related theme of the day, I thought I would include the pregnancy questionnaire that everyone seems to put into their baby blogs. Better late than never, right??

How far along? 30 weeks, 5 days
Total weight gain/loss: 30 lbs GAINED....kill me now!
Sleep: Not the best, but could certainly be worse
Best moment this week: Finding out I won't be having the baby within the next 2 weeks....and watching him stick his tongue out at us on the ultrasound

Movement: Lots. Especially at 11pm. And he wakes up and kicks whenever the cat snuggles up next to the belly.
Food cravings: None?!
Stretch Marks: Not yet, but I'm sure they're coming.
Gender: Boy!!
Labor Signs: Had craploads of Braxton Hicks contractions, but I'm not dialated or effaced and fetal fibronectin was negative, so I have time.

Belly Button in or out? In...but struggling.
What I miss: Not looking totally fat.
What I am looking forward to: Being able to walk into a room and not have everyone stare at my stomach. Oh, and the baby, of course!

Weekly Wisdom: Follow your gut. If you need more reassurance than your Dr. is giving you, then get it. Be squeaky.
Milestones: New horrific pregnancy symptom this week -- carpal tunnel syndrome. Woohoo!! I just love this stuff, can't you tell?

Return of Coach Meanypants

Monday marked the start of Triathlon Season #4 for me. Unlike the previous three years, where the season started with excitement and delusions of grandeur, this season was marked with Braxton Hicks contractions. So many, that the OB considered me "dehydrated" and I was told to go home and rest.

Rest?? The first day of the first swim practices?!! Seriously!!!!

So I rested, and my second opportunity came on Wednesday. Upper and Lower Intermediates were swimming at 6, and Advanced was swimming at 7. I wanted to move down to Upper Intermediate, but Coach Yoli said I still needed to come to Advanced, despite the fact that I am slower than usual! Argh. So I show up....very pregnant....and throw the towel around my waist while I wait for the Intermediates to finish up. (Good call -- they were barely moving in the water)

Coach Meanypants was there, barking out instructions. Now, I will admit, the man scares the crap out of me. Because he's good! He sees right through me usually, and he demands perfection. His critiques are so spot on that you notice improvements immediately in the pool. But his critiques also mean you were doing something wrong, and then you feel pretty terrible about the whole situation. So I guess because he hurts my pride and kicks my butt, I'm petrified of the man.

Wednesday, when I hopped in the pool in a lower lane and started warming up, I felt a little like an outsider. Very few of the women wanted to talk to me, and I think a few probably wondered what I was doing at practice. As DH says, "what are you practicing for?!" Well, for me the answer is simple....if I can keep up my fitness through this pregnancy, the faster I will return for my race at the end of August. Simple enough, right?

Coach Meanypants starts us out with 4 x 150's of kicking drills. I'm all over Superman the first time around, but as soon as I get on my side, I have trouble taking a breathe. I was flabbergasted by how hard it was to breathe as I made my way to the deep end, substituting my sideways kicking with some breastroke. I HUNG on to the end of the pool and proceeded to take many deep breathes, and then started to panic as they became shallow. I was like, "what the heck?"

Meanypants comes over and says, "what's wrong?" to which I reply, "my legs feel great but I can't breathe." He asks me when the last time I swam was. I told him I've been swimming 2000 meter sets for the past 3 months, at least once a week. So while I am not in good shape, I am not OUT of swimming shape. He just looks at me and says, "kicking is hard. Just float on your back."

And that was that. I did the back kicking drills to finish out the set, then joined in with the rest on the remainder of the repeats.....slowing down a little to make sure my breathing problem wouldn't return. You see, I was watching the girls in the first lane the entire time and up until my hyperventilation problem, I was beating them. BAD!!!! This is not a race. This is building fitness, and I shouldn't try to be competitive. I just can't help myself.

Apparently my stroke was very shallow and I was crossing over with my arms -- really atypical for me. He mentioned that once, so I did my best to correct it. Unfortunately, the night sweats are really taking a toll on my upper back muscles, so I think that is the reason why I have a shallow entry into the water and maybe why I'm overcompensating with one arm over the center. At any rate, I was informed by Coach #2 that my kick was also "so messed up." Huh?! I still have my little 2-beat flutter kick. How is it messed up? Oh....hips have spread. I'm hoping she was talking about that.

So after an hour, I managed to complete the entire workout along with the other girls...in fact, I was middle of the pack, so I didn't disgrace myself at all. I was exhausted, but glad that I at least sucked it up and did it. Last year, this workout was cake.....this year? Damn near impossible.

I can't help but feel that Coach Meanypants was wondering why I even bothered to show up. He gave up on me after the first 10 minutes, and I really felt like a leper! But I will continue to drag my pregnant, fat ass to the pool at least twice a week to bother him, because I'm going to prove him wrong. I'm going to come back after having this baby, and I'm going to be swimming BETTER than I am today, and I am going to kick the fast lane's butts in races come this fall. I am determined!

Oh, and to top it all off, I actually joined in on a locker room conversation post-workout. I asked one of the older women how she liked Coach Meanypants' workouts in the gravel pond over the summer, since I never made it out in time last year. She said that she found them pointless, because when it's racing season, there's no reason to practice speed because in a race like Danskin or Tri for the Cure, there are so many people in the swim you can't go fast. I looked at her like she was smoking crack!! She was totally serious. I'm like, "it's helpful if you get out in front of everyone in your wave and then you don't have to deal with too much traffic," to which she indignantly said, "there are just so many people in the water, if you went too fast you'd swim over someone."

And your problem is???

So, being pregnant does a few things to people. #1, they think you should be home on the couch waiting for the baby arrive. And #2, they forget that you were ever an athlete, and cannot possibly fathom that your now round body would be capable of doing anything OTHER than sitting on the couch at home.

I freaking HATE that.

We had another swim practice this morning, but I opted to stay in bed. Twice a week should work just fine for me right now....today we are painting the nursery. I need my energy!

And if you managed to make it through that horribly depressing and angry post, I'll reward you with some uber cute 3D pictures of the little man after his re-take last Friday. He's kind of cute....and he loves to smile when he hears his Aunties talk. The facial distortion is caused by his snuggling with the umbilical cord. He's a heart breaker and playing hard-to-get already. :)

The freight train is coming

The baby freight train, that is. Equipped with skin anomolies, hip pain, random belly cramps, and an enormous amount of uncontrollable weight gain. I look at myself in the mirror every morning and cry. Can this be over yet? Oh, no....it's only going to get worse.

Exercise is getting more and more difficult. In yoga, when we do "pansy" pushups, I find my arm strength has practically disappeared! And when we do balancing poses, I'm starting to get a little bit wobbly. Yesterday in the gym, my upper back and shoulders were so seized up that I lasted only 5 minutes a piece on the elliptical and then stationary bike before moving on to the treadmill for some fast walking....but then 20 minutes later I had horrible cramps under my bump and they would only go away when I slowed down. What the *(&(*&@34*&~!!!!! How am I supposed to exercise through this crap?

My one saving grace is that CWW starts up again next week with 2 sessions a week that I'll be able to attend pretty easily for swim practice. Of course, it's with Coach Meanypants, but how can he yell at a woman who is 28 weeks pregnant?? (Yes, we are at the 28 week mark starting tomorrow...insanity) I have 1 swimsuit left that fits, but that might even be pushing it. I look like a beached whale. i'm getting slower by the day...but surely I'll be faster than some of these women there.

I've started panicking about my maternity leave as well. I've had 5 days off from work in the past 2 weeks (use 'em or lose 'em) and they have been incredibly boring! But moreso than that, they've left me feeling more disconnected from my job than ever. This depresses me more than you could possibly know. My boss told me I was being ridiculous and that I have nothing to worry about, but the whole thing really does seem unfair. 12 weeks off to bond with baby is a blessing -- I get it. But my career has been #1 for over 5 years now.....why do I have to feel like it's so vulnerable now that I've chosen the path of motherhood? Times like these make me wish DH had a uterus. He'd be happy as a clam popping out babies and staying home to cook and clean and play. I will slit my wrists.

My only positive this week was a 3D ultrasound of the little man. We're going back this afternoon for a second chance, since he wasn't too cooperative, but I did manage to get one good side profile of him. He's pretty darn cute, I have to say. But if one more person tells me he looks like DH, I am going to smack them. (OK, it wouldn't be bad for him to get DH's looks and body composition genes....but I hope he gets a good combination of our brains because then he'll have the perfect balance of book smarts and street smarts!) :) Here's his first photo:

And then the moment you've all been waiting for. (NOT) This was a few days ago. 27 weeks, 27 lbs up. KILL ME NOW. My shirt is loose so I had it pulled back -- I am not that lumpy....it just feels like it. As you can see, it looks like I'm carrying high, but that's crap because I feel him punch me deep down in my pelvis. So that's just stomach and guts and stuff. Lucky me. :)

So that's my scoop! Stressed about impending baby, dealing with new maladies day by day, and anxiously awaiting a better face shot so I can tell once and for all how cute this little one really is. :)

Hit with the Ugly Stick

You would not believe the night I just had.

We had a lovely Outback dinner and I behaved *so* well, opting for the grilled tilapia and vegetables, holding the sauce and only using lemon. It tasted so gross, but I was so proud for being such a healthy girl. And then I had an individual serving of the peanut butter pie, because I had behaved too well for my liking and needed a little chocolate and peanut butter in my system. Sinful.

So things were looking great. We catch up on our DVR'ed shows from the past week, and I head to bed where I get 3 1/2 excellent hours of sleep.....and then I wake up. Am I hungry? Yes. But this shall pass. I lay in bed some more, and hunger starts to turn a little.....sick. I switch sides, and almost instantly I shoot out of bed and run to the bathroom.

Poor DH followed me in but he doesn't have the stomach for vomit these days, so he stood in the hallway telling me how sorry he was. I just wanted everything OUT of my stomach.

I felt pretty fabulous afterwards, but this morning I looked in the mirror and I look as though I've been bludgeoned in the face!!! I must have popped every damn blood vessel, because I have the face of a liver-spotted 100-year old man. Woe is me.

What else is next, little baby? What are you doing to me?!

In other news, I went to my first prenatal yoga class on Thursday. I walked into the room of 10 women and checked everyone out......basketballs, watermelons, mangoes......and a 60-year old woman who looked at us like we were nuts when we asked her how far along she was. "What? I'm not pregnant! I'm 60!" My instructor had to inform her that "prenatal" implied before child is born, and that this was no regular class. The poor woman got up and left, but not without all of us having a good laugh at her expense. Oh well.

Class itself didn't start out too promising. "Picture your baby swimming in a sea of tranquility." Speaking of vomit......I had trouble not laughing out loud at the start. But eventually, my slightly wacked out, crunchy doula-turned-yogi led us through a pretty normal class. Down dog, sun salutation, crescent lunge, runner's lunge, cat/cows, child's pose, warrior, reverse warrior..... It was more intense than I was expecting, but in a good way. Challenging to the muscles and preparing us all for the road that lies ahead. She gave us a few ways to change the baby's position, and this helped me out a ton because baby had been lying inward for 2 days and had been tap dancing all over my bladder. After yoga, he had turned and my lower back felt instantly better.

Did I meet my new best friend in prenatal yoga? Um, no. But these ladies will do for now.

I owe everyone a belly pic, so I'll see if I can cover up the ugly face with some good makeup and get the hubby to start documenting this pregnancy since it's reached some gargantuan proportions. This better be the only time in my life that I weight this much!

25 weeks today.......3rd tri's coming.....like a freight train.

New Year....No Resolutions

I'm not going to promise to write more. I'm not going to try to lose weight (until after April). I'm not even going to try and be a better person.

Nope. My goal? Make it to April 24th in one piece and add a new member to the family.

As things progress, I find myself getting more and more antsy. Which new symptoms will plague me this week? When are the stretch marks coming? Can I get any slower in the water? Do swimsuits really break under pressure? Can I start sleep training the little one in the womb?

Yes, very antsy indeed. Am pleased to report that a lot of the important stuff is done. 20 week ultrasound -- done. Baby is still a boy, and he is perfect as far as we can tell. Maternal serum test came back negative for open spinal cord defects. 4D ultrasound is booked for the 26th. Glucose screen booked on the 26th. Crib and coordinating furniture were not only ordered, but arrived 12 weeks early and are assembled! Crib bedding is ordered. Shower invitations have been ordered. Prenatal yoga class has been signed up for. Aqua Aerobics is being added to the rotation briefly. DH and I are signed up for our Childbirth classes and Infant Care classes. Is this impressive or what?

Admittedly, I haven't run at all since my crawling episode at the Turkey Trot. Heard one too many stories of pelvic floor injuries postpartum that I think I will just return to running after I drop this little one. Instead, I've been on the elliptical for 50 minutes over lunch watching the Dog Whisperer, making sure it all seems "easy" to me. I swim on Sundays with my needy friend who actually laps me within 200 meters. (She claims it's because of her flip turns.....I secretly hope in a race situation she becomes timid and gets dunked a few million times so that I beat her) I've noticed some interesting things over the past few weeks, though..... My freaking hips must be spreading, courtesy of that fantastic relaxin crap. It's painful to walk for the first few minutes after getting up from a chair, and they ache late at night. I'm also feeling more awkward in the water. At first, swimming was liberating because I was blissfully unaware of my abdomen. But then baby turned into a 1lb sack of sugar and now, I always know he is down there.

At my 23 week appointment, I was up 20 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight. Oops! And I managed to do this all while eating no more than 1800 calories a day and by working out 3-4 times a week. My Dr. isn't concerned at all. She doesn't realize how traumatizing this is. My boss just says I must not love my baby enough if I am concerned about gaining weight while pregnant. Eat me, people. I seriously need everyone to understand that I am very conscious of my weight and it doesn't mean I care for the baby any less. Couldn't I be like my cousin and be even with the pre-preg weight? Seriously?!

Is there anything non-baby in my life, you ask?

No, not really. I'm pretty sad and pathetic. I'm watching my bikini line disappear as my abdomen gets bigger and bigger. I'm discovering all sorts of new maladies that my body is capable of throwing at me. I pee a lot. The heartburn is enough to make me want to slit my wrists.....thank goodness for Prilosec. And when I go to bed, I read about sleep training and infant care. I'm pretty special these days.

Anyway, will leave you with a few pics. Not terribly exciting, but it's all I'm capable of right now!

Here's my munchkin caught sleeping in the infant bouncer. Boy is he in for a surprise!

This is the crib, assembled in its new home!

And here is the little snot at 19 weeks and 3 days.

Giving Thanks

I know I promised to update more frequently, but I just feel my life isn't blog-able these days. I'm so boring! But I did have some excitement on Thanksgiving....

So, at 6:30am on T-giving Day, I rolled out of bed and went to my closet.....pulled out my faithful Fiona (thank goodness she still fits!), my compression tights, my sexy Sugoi hoody, and laced up my running shoes. And you know what? I didn't look half bad! Where are those 14 lbs that I've gained?!! I hide them well, I must admit....and all my clothes still fit. Woohoo!

At 7am, after coffee and half a bagel, my little sister arrived, and then we were off to the Turkey Trot. I had sent out the SOS earlier in the week.....anyone want to do a 5K with me on Thanksgiving? Baby has the need for speed!

It was a joke, of course.....but my sister answered the call, thank goodness. So we drove to the site, and walked over to the stadium for packet pickup where I led her through the routine of getting the race number, the chip, and the t-shirt.....and then scoping out all the potties in the vicinity. Oh yes, I was very serious about all of this!

My objective was simply to have a good time and burn some calories. But in the back of my head, I was thinking, if this takes more than 40 minutes, I'm going to kill myself.

HA! I got so excited when the gun went off and we started making our way through the start chute. I'm back! And I had no idea baby was in there at all, even at 18.5 weeks. (Technically in my 19th week, but we won't go into that crazy stuff) We took off at a slow jog and did our best to avoid the baby strollers and joggers with dogs. I was thinking we'd do a 2 min run/1 min walk interval, but I didn't slow us down until 5 minutes went by and we hit our first hill. I was trying to stay aerobic and was talking to my sister the entire time to gauge where my heartrate was, and that hill KILLED me. Granted, I haven't really run in 2 months. I mean, I do the elliptical for 50 minutes 4 times a week, but that doesn't really do the job. We ended up walking more than I wanted to in the first mile, hitting it in 13 minutes even.

Yuck. The second mile was more of the same....uphill for a while, taxing my heart rate. I kept thinking I was killing the baby, so I slowed down and calmed down. My sister was great -- she just let me call the shots and she followed. THEN we hit the downhill section of the course. I gave her my free speed lecture and told her to lean into the hill to let momentum carry her down, but she thought I was nuts. I led the way and tried to make up ground going down the hills, while she moaned and groaned about how we needed to walk. Poor thing -- I was killing her. We hit the aid station and I made her keep going...... at the two mile mark, I hit my 5K PR of 25:52. Ha! It was not so fabulous. My sister kept saying, "keep going without me!" But why would I do that? We were doing this together...and anything less than 25:52 was a disappointment to me, even though I knew darn well I couldn't do it.

So we chugged along, and I tried my best to keep my sister moving. She has exercise-induced asthma but refuses to use an inhaler because of how shaky it makes her feel, so she was starting to get all panicky and was breathing way too much. So I talked to her about beaches. And massages. And Thanksgiving sticky buns. I coaxed her along to the finish line, grabbing her at the end and forcing her to sprint across the line. She said she didn't know she had a final kick in her until I started dragging her! Poor thing..... But she did it. We did it. Baby crossed his very first finish line in 38:56. And he's kicking up a storm, so I didn't kill him. Victory!!!

Now if only people thought I was pregnant and not just slow..... Next month, perhaps.... Am considering another 5K that I can run in my Santa stockings and boxer shorts. I may run it again under my fake name so that nobody can trace my dismal results. They should have a special asterix in the results next to the names of pregnant women. You know, to indicate that our bodies have been taken over by aliens and that we aren't who we used to be?!

So, we had a great holiday and I definitely felt like I had some bragging rights. Of course, when I go to the Dr. on Monday for my 20 week ultrasound (more like 19 weeks 2 days), I'm sure I'll get in trouble for the weight gain. But seriously, I've been eating salads and grilled chicken and Special K with skim milk. I work out more than the average pregnant woman. Throw me a bone here!

I braved the Black Friday crowds yesterday, but I can't say they were bad at all. Got up at the leisurely hour of 9am and then met up with my cousin and her husband for a trip to Babies R Us. We got there at 11:30 and I got their doorbuster $150 glider in espresso -- so the first thing for the baby's nursery has been purchased! Other than that, Black Friday was a bust, but I was pleased with the glider.

And that is about all that's up with me. I'm pretty boring, but I'm trying..... Maybe I'll become more exciting in the next few weeks!

It's a....

BOY!!!

Well, there's a 6% chance she was wrong, but I saw the bits.

Baby is healthy and busy, hiccuping and twisting all over the place. Has a mild obsession with his hands....they must taste good and look pretty....not that he has his eyes open or anything.

Neuchal fold was 2.5 mm, which is at the upper end of normal, but more normal for a later NT scan like mine.

It was so good to finally see this baby looking like a baby. DH was totally enthralled with it, amazed that we had hands and feet and that they moved like a human. And when he found out it was a boy, I don't think I've seen him look happier. :) Such a relief to know that he finally realized what was happening and was finally "with" me.

Anyway, that's my update! Here's a pic.....

Time Consuming New Home

I had no idea how much work was involved in new construction until we finally moved in....to our beautiful, spotless new home that was twice the size of our rental townhome, had no blinds at all, no garage door opener, and dirt for a backyard.

I think I've spent every waking moment unpacking, ordering things, or waiting around for delivery truck drivers. Insanity! Baby is definitely taking a backseat to all of this madness. I am 13 weeks 1 day today, and aside from some obnoxious "stretching" pains, all is well.....well enough that I can help hang blinds and fight with fencing contractors. I tell you what, I'm Psycho Bitch these days! ;) I blame it on the hormones.....

I hate to say that there's not much going on for exercising. 3-4 times a week at work, I jump on the elliptical or spin bike and go for 50 minutes of aerobic work. I watch Caesar Milan and enjoy the only time during the day when I don't feel like crap. I'm still expanding by about a pound a week, and truthfully, I cannot stop it. The weight gain is like a freaking freight train! I'd dearly love to eat healthy, but I've removed aspartame and other artificial sweeteners from my diet...the staple of "diet" food items that I've been living by for the past four years. I also have wrotten acid reflux that prevents me from eating things that are too acidic no matter how low cal they are. AND I have to constantly shovel food into my mouth, because if I don't, the nausea is just as bad as ever. How 'bout them excuses??

Today I should have gotten up for a run, but I am whooped. Absolutely exhausted from everything we've been doing. On the agenda for today? Cancelling the fence contractor's check (he is giving me the heebie geebies....I'm going to write checks to the neighbors instead), heading to the mall to buy some maternity work pants so I don't feel quite so fat, and back to the grocery store to feed my milk obsession. Aren't you terribly jealous of my very exciting day?

I'll update Wednesday after our NT scan. Hopefully all is well and the blob will look like a real baby. :)

Hobbling Along

I'm pleased to report that I attempted to run once more this weekend. The weather has changed here in Colorado. It is cold, and time to whip out the pants and the ear warmers.... Jogging weather!

Unfortunately, we moved into our new house on Wednesday, and each subsequent night we made copious trips to the storage unit. Yours truly tweaked her upper back lifting a 10 lb box out of the car, and every minute since then has been torture.

Alas, I still thought a run was all I needed to feel better.

Wrong! Hey, it was a valiant effort, at least. I went 10 minutes up the road and decided that it hurt too much to hold my arms up. All that jumping up and down really killed my back. So I cried, then walked the rest of the way home dejectedly. (Oh, except when I came within eyesight of my street -- I sucked it up and ran straight to my driveway because I can't have the neighbors thinking I am a walker) Endurance wise, I think I'm still doing fine. Baby isn't making running that hard, and my legs felt strong. I was so bummed that my back of all things halted this glorious potential run.

Today, I attempted to do 50 minutes on the elliptical. Of course, 3 rotations in, I decided that it hurt my back way too much to tolerate, so I headed over to the spin bike and did a solid 40 minutes of intervals. I miss training so much! The only time in the day when I actually don't feel like crap is when I am exercising. I seriously should do it twice a day....except it makes me ravenous!

Oh, speaking of that, I seriously have a major tapeworm. I tried to deal with it today sensibly, but I did the math and it still was an abysmal attempt. I started out the day with a Carnation Instant Breakfast....one cup of milk, one packet of mix, and one tablespoon of peanut butter with ice. Yum!!! Then I had 2 whole wheat mini bagels at work that I shoved in my mouth at regular intervals so as not to yack, along with my 1 cup of coffee with 50 calories of creamer with it. (I'm creating a hardy child here -- no weaning off the coffee for me!) Then I had a string cheese. A 90 calorie granola bar. Lunch was a Weight Watchers ravioli, followed by a small apple sauce cup because I was getting desperate. I ended the work day with a regular Yoplait yogurt (I've weaned off the aspartame -- I'm going for an anatomically normal kiddo)....and then came home and had 3 holes in one! (You know, white bread with a hole in the middle.....cook the egg in it) 3 whole eggs. 3 slices of white bread. Holy crap! That's like.....10 points at least. Not to mention the margerine.

I'm so screwed.

Next appointment is on Wednesday. They switched it from the girl doctor to the guy doctor, so I am a little skeeved out. Thankfully DH will be there so I won't feel so creepy, but I'm still a bit bugged out by it all. And pissed I don't get another ultrasound!

Work is incredibly stressful and I still have a ton of crap to do with this house. I ordered blinds, but they won't arrive for another week. The couch also comes in 2 weeks. Need to buy a new flatscreen TV, since our 32 inch old school TV is pathetic in our huge living room. And then DH started in on the nursery....I never thought he'd bring it up himself, but suddenly he's Martha Stewart! I can see we may have a fight on our hands for the theme.

Oh, to top off all my extreme happiness, we met with the CFO today and my boss decided to tell him I was pregnant. Oh, gee, thanks for offering that little tidbit up. I bet he's really happy to learn about more lost productivity in the company.

Well, with that, I shall take my cranky butt to bed. 8:20.....How sad is that?

Where is this famed 2nd Trimester you all speak of? I'm 11 w 2 days today. Take away my nausea and give me a blast of energy! I'm ready!

Feeling left out

Thanks for the congrats, Amanda and Amelia and Leah! (My only readers...I post for you!) :)

So, the past few weeks have been discouraging. I've been nauseous all day long, particularly in the mornings, so I've been loathe to leave the house to exercise on the weekends. I've been reduced to 50 minutes at lunch on the spin bike or elliptical, a few times a week at work.....and one yoga class per week. Of course, it's regular yoga, so I'm skipping the ab work and also the twisting motions. Once the bump arrives, I fear that will be the end of regular yoga. We spend so much time on our tummies or bending over, I cannot imagine what I will end up doing to pass the time.

On top of feeling like crap, we close on our house on Wednesday AND have to move out by 5pm the same day. So I am a bit of a wreck, trying to pack everything up and place it in storage as an interim holding place. My stomach has been a huge impediment, as I've discovered round ligament pain....it totally prohibits me from lifting anything over 20 lbs. Talk about a bummer. I'm mad!

My rec center's schedule has been atrocious for swimming, so I haven't done any swimming since I volunteered at Tri for the Cure in early August. Thankfully, swimming comes back easily for me, so I'm not too concerned about starting it up later in pregnancy.

I'm still in denial, btw. I think I'll be like you, Leah. Detached until the end. I wish I wasn't, but somehow I still don't believe there's a baby in there. I've just gained 7 lbs for nothing. (Don't get me started on the weight gain....what the hell?!!!)

The prenatal care is also making me nuts. My uber conservative company has purposely excluded genetic testing from our maternity coverage, so the $700 NT scan which tells us our risk for Downs and other genetic disorders (and gives us the only ultrasound in between the Blob stage and the anatomy scan) is out of pocket!! I canceled the test. I can't spend that kind of money right now to be told I have a 1 in 1000 chance of having a kid with Downs. I'm thinking I'll wait until 15 weeks to get the Quad Screen blood test. But I'm still mad about the cost of the nT scan and intend to bitch about it to the Dr. next week when I go for my regular appointment.

I guess that's my update. I'm totally out of shape, too nauseous to work out in the mornings, and panicky that I'll never get back to the way I used to be. All my old friends did the OC Tri this past weekend, and I stared at the results page for an hour this morning, wondering where I would have been last year vs. how pathetic I would have been this year. (Heck, in my condition, I wouldn't have finished!) Pre-partum depression? Yeah, that's me. Or it's just me being stressed and hating the fact that I can't button any of my pants.

Why did I do this again?

Oh, so someone can afford to put me in the retirement home when I turn 90.

:)

On Hiatus

I've been gone for about 8 weeks now. Mainly because I haven't been training, racing, or doing much of anything aside from hanging on.



You see, the improbable has happened.


Now, before you go thinking this was an accident, you might be surprised that this was 100% planned. I'm not stupid! (Although I kind of feel that way right now)


Meet the spawn. The parasite. Voldemort. The next member of our family. :) Right now, the blob is 8 weeks, 1 day old.......in this picture, it was 7 weeks, 4 days.


We are very happy, but at the same time, I'm not really the model pregnant woman. I'm thankful to have a healthy baby, but I loathe being pregnant. I hate what it's done to my energy levels. I hate feeling so nauseous all day long that I just want to cry. I hate having crazy food and smell aversions. I hate the extra lbs and squishiness. Oh my gosh, it's torture! Not to mention the skin breakouts and the gargantuan boobs.


My workouts have been pathetic as of late. When I do have the energy for them, it's usually a slow aerobic bike ride averaging 16-17 mph for only an hour and ten minutes. I've got random 20-milers logged here and there. The running sucks pretty bad. I get winded so easily, so I am constantly walking to get my rate of perceived exertion back down to an acceptable range. My rec center pool's swim schedule blows, so I haven't been to the pool yet, either. I can manage 50 minutes on the elliptical at work, but only if I have the time and my boss lets me go over my lunch hour.....lately, she hasn't been so willing. We've been working crazy hours and I just feel myself slipping away.


ugh! Anyway, I struggle every day with feeling so miserable when I should be so thankful. I know it won't have any impact on how I feel about this baby once it arrives, but I still am weirded out by everything. Even hearing the heartbeat was a freakish experience. That's coming from ME?! There's something alive inside of me? Oh my gosh -- so weird.


I'm signed up for next year's triathlon season. I'll be going to swim practices starting in February....so hopefully I'll be in really good shape by the time delivery rolls around on April 24th. But we'll see. I've got my medical deferral to Boulder 70.3 next year, so the goal is to just toe the line the first week in August. Wonder if I can do it?!


We are also closing on our new house on the 30th of September. We've been squared away on the loan side for over 2 months now, but the inspections on the home are insane. I'll be leaving work for a few hours here and there for the next few weeks, but I'm not allowed to take more than a 1/2 day off because we're in the busy season. Lucky me! So we're packing on the weekends and putting boxes into a storage unit. I'm so stressed, but I guess we'll manage to work it out.


So that's my update! Will try to post more regularly now that my secret's out. Still trying to keep it quiet on Facebook while I get over it a little more.....but what can you do?

All Talk, No Action

Saturday night, I put my bike in the back seat of my car. I packed up my wetsuit and my race gear and stashed it into my backpack. I set my coffee machine to brew a nice cup o' joe at 4:50am. I mixed all my nutrition into bottles and stored it in the fridge. I even went to bed early.....

...but at 11pm, I panicked. I had trouble catching a breathe. Breathing deeply was extremely painful, if not impossible. My primary care physician seemed concerned, but decided it was likely acid reflux and that I should take a Zantac and see how I felt a few hours later....so off to the store we went to buy Zantac.

By 1am, I had a fever of over 101. And I still couldn't breathe, which totally freaked me out. Walking around made me feel dizzy and nauseous. I spent the entire night on the couch watching Cops!

Obviously this put to bed any hopes of racing that I had, since I could barely stand up...... At 7am, I woke up DH and asked him to take me to urgent care. We sped off and urgent care did an EKG and chest x-rays...... They couldn't do blood tests or anything else, but they were definitely concerned enough to call me in to the local emergency room for further testing. I was showing all the signs of a pulmonary embolism, and that freaked me out beyond belief.

So off we went to the local hospital. They got me into a room pretty quickly, then proceeded to stick me all over the place to get blood and push fluids. I was FREEZING! Poor DH stole a Time magazine from the waiting room and attempted to spread out reading it for 6 hours. He was *so* bored. They took me in for a CT scan with contrast, and that was the weirdest thing ever. It shoots hot dye into your veins and you feel like every part of your body is on fire for a minute. Wowee! I had a horrific fever of about 103, but they never gave me anything for it, so I shivered for hours under 4 blankets. It was horrific.

So at the end of the day, the general consensus was that I had viral bronchitis.

Huh?!

No coughing. No snotty nose. Nothing you would associate with bronchitis. But I am blood clot and pneumonia free.

They sent me home with an inhaler and told me to keep taking Advil and Tylenol to make the fever more comfortable.

Upon further reading online, I've found that a huge number of people taking Macrobid for bladder infections (I had been on it for 6 days prior to this event....took my pill at 7pm Saturday night) that have had my exact same symptoms! Even this many days into use, they complain of the difficulty breathing and the flu-like symptoms. So while the ER doc says it's Bronchitis, I'm still sticking to my guns that this was a very bad reaction to Macrobid, and you can bet I'm putting that drug allergy all over my charts in the future.

I'm slightly better today. Fever is down 2 degrees. I'm not nauseous anymore. I can actually take a deep breath and not feel like I'm going to die. My coloring is better. DH says I'm like a changed woman. Still not going to work today, but at least I am mobile.

So, what a change in events, huh? Within a 2 hour period, my life changed so dramatically..... People who saw me on Saturday even doubted my story, because I was totally normal! I mean, how bizarre? All this heeing and hawing over the Half Ironman, and I didn't even make it to the starting line. I am beyond upset about that, but I'm very thankful that I'm not facing down a blood clot in my lungs or something more devastating.

Life's bizarre, eh? I think I'm done with the surprises for this month, though..... Off to the couch.

Cold Feet

Yeah....so.....3 miles into my purposeless run last night, I thought to myself, "what was I thinking?!" 13.1 miles would kill me, I am certain of it.



I'm not sure what I'm going to do on Sunday now. Or what I'm trying to prove.



I hope I figure it out.

Temporary Insanity

*I* am all clear.

Dr. Asshat said I'm totally recovered. Only 10 degrees of flexion left to regain, but that will come if I really work on it. He said, "Have fun this summer. Don't hurt yourself again."

SO........

I'm going to do something potentially stupid this weekend. Potentially stupid, and potentially impossible. You see, this Sunday is a practice triathlon for the Boulder Long Course. My team is offering 2 options -- the Oly distance and the Long Course. I'm signed up for the Oly, which will be a stretch in itself since I haven't done any of the distances yet in training this summer with the exception of the swim.

But no. That's not the stupid part. The stupid part is I think I'm going to do the 56 mile bike course.

On no training.

Now, before you think I'm crazy, I think it's something I could do. It might wreck me, but I don't have anything to save these legs for. I got denied my chance to do the Boulder Long Course this year, so I feel like I still have a lot to prove to myself. I think if I take it easy, why can't I ride 56 miles?! I'm a strong cyclist. I love my bike. Just give me some buttr and I'm good to go......

But the crazy crazy part? Part of me really wants to do the run, too. Yeah, the run....13.1 miles.....on a long run of 5 miles. With a swelled knee.

Stupid! I know! So incredibly stupid. But when else am I going to have the chance? There will be plenty of other women doing it in 8 hours. Surely I can at least give it a shot? I mean, if I get too tired on the bike, I can just call coach to come pick me up in the Sag wagon. And if I get too tired for the run, I just don't do the run. Or I do one loop. I'll be walk-running it anyway, so what harm can I do?

I imagine this is creating a lot of heartburn right now. But I'm pretty calm. I have nothing to lose. I don't think I can hurt myself because I won't be pushing it. I'm gonna hurt. I'm going to be sore. And I may fail miserably.....but I really, really want to try.

So with that, I'm going to take my slightly crazy arse to bed to dream of 56 miles and what could have been this summer.....

Getting Back in Action

So, it's been a wild two months. I don't think I expected the whole knee thing to be as painful as it was, but I also cannot believe that I was ever on crutches or even in pain for so long. It feels like a mostly distant memory!

This past week, I've really stepped up the workouts so that I can start to feel like myself again. After our 4th of July trip to Aspen and 6+ miles of hiking, I knew I had no more excuses.

So, 2 days of hour-long elliptical sessions while watching the Tour de France whetted my appetite a bit. Then I hopped on my bike after work and rattled off a quick 20-miler, feeling brilliant the entire time. And then I decided to help my friend run her first 5K *ever* using a 2 min walk/1 min run interval (perfect for my out of shape butt!)..... And yesterday morning, I got up early and drove over to the Gravel Pond for a 45-minute continuous aerobic swim. It was phenomenally gorgeous out, the water was refreshing, and I was so, so thankful to be out there.

Today, I'm trying out mountain biking. Well, trying out is selling myself a little short. I have been off road with my mountain bike a few times, but I am a scaredy cat. I found some open space a few highway exits South, so I'm looking forward to the change of pace. I hope I'm not too much of a pansy!

On the home front, am happy to report that my plot of dirt now has a poured foundation in it! Footers went in 10 days ago, and foundation walls got poured 3 days ago. I expect they'll start framing here shortly, and then the countdown is on. I am starting to get excited, which is bizarre because I really haven't cared so much since we went under contract.

Wednesday is my last appointment with Dr. Asshat. Now, I don't intend to sing his praises, because I do still feel some swelling in the knee, and I do still have a dull pain in the back of the knee where the old pain used to be. It's different now, of course, but it's not gone like I was hoping. Now, I can do more these days than I could before the surgery, but is it possible he operated on the wrong thing? Must run between now and then and see what I think.....

Until then, time to enjoy the rest of the weekend....