Can I Get a Do-Over?

Yes, silence on the line. I'd blame it on the kid, but he's really not the sole cause of my absence here. I guess I'm just not inspired!

Until this morning.

We're a few days shy of the 4-month mark, and I find myself thinking that my child has certainly gotten the shaft in the parenting department. Who let me out of the hospital with him?? Despite all my reading and classes, I really knew nothing and was petrified of him for months. I couldn't swaddle to save my life, breastfeeding was insane, I didn't know how to get him to fall asleep, I was sleep-deprived because I couldn't figure out how to multitask.....well, the list goes on and on.

After 4 months, I finally feel like I know how to take care of this baby. Took me long enough, huh? Consequently, I am also more attached than ever. I had to go to Book Club last night and I missed seeing him entirely after our morning feeding, and I was so upset when I went to sleep. How crazy is that?

I can't help but feel that poor D could have had it better if I knew what I was doing from the get-go. It certainly makes the case for a #2. Slow the rush of pregnancy down, try to enjoy the experience, and then be all over caring for the baby instead of feeling like we are drowning. But first....recover the body.

Next weekend is my first real race after pregnancy.....Iron Girl Boulder. I signed up thinking I'd be in stellar shape by now, but the truth of the matter is, I'm a far cry from the way I used to be. I struggle to run -- my pelvis still feels bruised and for days after runs, I feel like my lower guts are going to just pour out of me! I don't have time to swim -- I come home at night and my parents have the baby all ready for me and leave me immediately. They have him for 6 hours during the day, and that's it.......so no time. And my bike? Geesh, perhaps the hardest sport of all. I could try to ride my trainer, but he doesn't go to sleep until 8-9pm.....and then I have to shower, clean bottles, pump, and clean again before bedtime. I really cannot do a hard trainer ride at night! And mornings are out -- I am exhausted enough as-is getting up at 5:30am to pump before I have to wake D up and then get ready for work.

What I have done, though, is sneak away for a few weekend days and take my bike down to the trail. My first ride back was 25 miles, and I was proud of myself. Going to the turnaround, I was only hitting 16 mph and pretty much broke down into tears....but things improved on the way back, bringing me to an 18mph average, which is about 1 mph slower than I typically do for the distance. I guess I can handle that.

Two weekends ago, I joined the old triathlon team for a mock tri at Aurora Reservoir. It was a 1/2 mile swim, 12 mile bike, 3 mile run...... I had a heck of a time squeezing my fat body into my wetsuit, but I managed. Time trial start -- I managed to pass almost everyone in my division by the time I got out of the water. It's not saying much, but I was pretty proud. No watch on, but I was well under 20 minutes. Hoping it was around 15 minutes, because then I wouldn't have lost much time in the swim since pregnancy. But who knows??? The bike was really hilly and a blast on the outbound route, although I did miss the turnaround and added 7 miles to my total bike ride.....almost 19 miles for me that day! And then run? Hardly a run. I could cardiovascularly only handle a 2 min run/1 min walk interval. I kept getting, "you can do it!" comments from people, and I just wanted to yell at them, "I had a traumatic birth and pushed out a baby 3 1/2 months ago!" But I just ignored them and continued on......and finished, although it wasn't pretty.

So just in case you are wondering, you can finish a triathlon on no training at all. It sucks, but it's possible.

Next Saturday is going to be quite an adventure. I signed up to prove to myself that I could do it..... But now that I know so many old college friends are racing, I wish I'd been able to train appropriately for it. Because instead of handing them their butts on a platter, it will likely be the other way around..... And my baby won't be at the finish line to greet me, so I'm really lacking the motivation to "suffer" because there aren't too many rewards. Oh well! Should make for an interesting race report, eh?

On the baby front, he is growing by leaps and bounds and next week is his 4-month appointment. I can't believe how quickly time flies! He is rolling over from back to tummy now, can sit up with assistance, loves to jabber away, shrieks to get my attention, and cries when DH puts him in his carseat to go to my parents' house for the day. Funny boy. His witching hour is unfortunately when I have him, so from 5:30-8:00pm, he is hell on wheels and quite the challenge. He's a bit of a teething, drooling machine, so we live for Sophie the Giraffe and other toys he can shove into his mouth, like the Winkel! I'm putting myself on a budget, because the baby spending is quite literally insane.

And that's that! Evil baby is waking from his half hour morning nap, so I have to run. Here's some cuteness:

What I wish I knew BEFORE I had this baby!

So now that the doom and gloom is subsiding, I thought it would be interesting to run through some of the things that would have been nice to know before popping out this child o' mine..... It seems everyone has advice, but really, I think it totally depends on your kiddo.

#1- When everyone tells you when you are pregnant to "enjoy sleep now" and you want to tell them to go shove it up their rears because you don't really sleep when pregnant?? Well, they were right. Enjoy waking up to pee every two hours and then getting to go back to bed immediately afterwards. You can't bank sleep, but you can savor the precious memories of it.

#2- All that cocoa and shea butter crap to stop stretchmarks that I started at 7 weeks pregnant? Worthless!!! Week 37 was universally cruel to me. Not only did I explode in a spiderweb of stretchmarks under my belly, but the Hemmorrhoids hit as well. Horrid.

#3- Wait to buy baby clothes until after baby is born. I was absolutely convinced my child was going to be ginormous, so we purposely did not buy many newborn clothes and predominantly went with 0-3 and 3-6. Well, lo and behold, Mr. Teeny Weenie didn't even fit in newborn and we had to go out and buy 5-8 lb Gerber kimono-style onesies to get us through the first two weeks without looking like he was buried in a sack of baby clothes. :) One quick trip to the Carters outlet and we were set with all the sleepers in the world, which he lived in for the first 5 weeks of his life.

#4 - Buttons rock. When you have a blowout, any clothes that go on via the head result in a dirty baby that needs an immediate bath. Which sometimes isn't fun at 7am.

#5 - Long live the video monitor! Worth the money. Wish we'd registered for the more beefed-up version, because we love it. Derek was in his crib at the 2-week mark because DH couldn't sleep with him in the room in the bassinet.....so the video monitor has been worth its weight in gold. (And added sleep)

#6 - Breastfeeding sucks. Everyone says it's fast and free, but I think that's only true if you lucked out. Between the 2 lactation consultant appointments, Boppy, pump, pumping supplies, 1-month hospital pump rental, milk storage bags, nursing tanks, sleep bras, Soothies, and Lanolin, I am likely out $700 from breastfeeding a 7-week old. Insanity!! Breastfeeding is not free, people. Seriously. Once I realized that I could have blister-free nipples, pump, feed, and clean up in less time than I could breastfeed Derek, I decided to exclusively pump. (Except on days when I need to increase supply -- then I suck it up and put him on the boob, and hate every second of it)

#7 - The instant "I'm so in love with my baby" moment that everyone talks about after baby is born? I had a traumatic birth, and I did not have this at all. It was more of a "thank goodness that's over. Can I have more drugs please?"

#8 - Sleep Sheep = best invention ever. Ocean waves equal sweet sweet dreams.

#9 - Square swaddle blankets or bust. And they must be big. Something like the Woombie is preferable to the Kiddopotomus or Sleep Sack with swaddle attachment. But I do love my sleep sacks when I don't feel like swaddling my escape artist.

#10 - Swings in every room -- genius! Derek always kind of like swinging, but now he adores them. We have two right now...we are finding that the small plug-in one doesn't swing as aggressively as it used to now that he's becoming a porker. So spring for a nice big, robust swing IF baby likes it. Start with a travel swing first, that way if they hate it you are only out $50 vs. $150. And you can take it with you when you need to get dressed, shower, use the bathroom, etc... I currently use an infant bouncer, but it's not very exciting these days....so travel swing it is!

#11 - We love our Diaper Genie Elite. So much so that we have one on each floor of the house. No smell at all, and for $5, I am not complaining too much about the refills.

#12 - We use the pack n' play quite a bit to change diapers -- but the changing table "droops." So if you need one, look for a pack n' play that has a robust changing table with supports on both sides!

#13 - Nobody told me that after I delivered, I would swell to gargantuan proportions. It was so painful! The best thing for the swelling was a brief walk around the neighborhood, even though the hoo ha hurt.

#14 - About that hoo-ha. A few days after birth, I did a little exploring and was appalled to find myself swollen and disfigured beyond all imagination! The horror! I was convinced things would never go back to the way they were. And to some extend, they haven't....but it's a heck of a lot better than it was at the beginning.

#15 - Sexy time. I thought I'd want some, but I don't. Something about a still-open episiotomy creeps me out. He can wait!

#16 - Why did nobody tell me that they grow so fast? I should have book a photographer and set up photo sessions when he was a newborn. Now he is clearly NOT a newborn, and all I have are snapshots we took. I'm so sad!

#17 - The diaper bag is a critical piece of equipment. Seeing as how it stores bottles, burp clothes, diapers, wipes, clothing changes, pacifiers, and blankets, it has to be big. The cute small ones don't do it. And a diaper bag for Dad? Waste of money. He just makes me carry mine. So now we have a backpack for nothing.

#18 - The wash clothes with all the cute frog appliques?? Useless! Abrasive! Who does this?? We love our little gerber washclothes the best.

#19 - So many people said that if you don't go natural in childbirth, your baby will feel the effects of the epidural or other drugs and be listless when born. Well, I'm happy to report that not only was my epidural brilliant and quite possibly the biggest positive of my birth experience, but my baby (after his initial Apgar of 3) was wide-eyed and alert for two hours after his birth. Everyone commented on his alterness! So take that.....I felt no pain AND my baby was totally with it.

#20 - I could go on forever. Having this baby had been such a huge learning experience....one that has differed from everything I have read and one that I never could have adequately prepared for!

So now I need to run, because the beast has awakened from his catnap and I must entertain him!

No Miracle this time around....

Well, I'm sorry to say that my cousin's baby is globally brain dead. Per the recommendations of a whole slew of doctors, my cousin and her husband have placed him in hospice care, made him comfortable, and have removed his feeding tube. In just a few days, this nightmare will be over. :(

I'm going to step on my soap box now in hopes people googling things like "home birth," "breech vaginal deliveries," and "the Business of Being Born" will read this. People, it is ultimately your choice what you do with your body, but for heaven's sake, think about the health and safety of your baby. The internet may say that things are "statistically" as safe as vertex vaginal births in hospitals, but who reports the bad statistics? You never read about the horror stories.

Well, this is a horror story. A perfect pregnancy. A perfectly healthy baby. Dying as we speak because my cousin's caregivers persuaded her that trying to deliver him breech, vaginally, was safe. She did what she thought was best for her and the baby, and he died. It's not all sunshine and happiness, and just because someone has a perfect birth doesn't mean they all end up like that.

My OB yesterday was disraught when I told him the news, as we'd discussed this during my delivery. His nurse says she's been doing this for 26 years and she wishes people knew how lucky they are to have uncomplicated, healthy births, because in reality a lot can and will go wrong. My OB himself has seen 10 braindead babies from vaginal breech births. It's horrible.

So there, I said my peace. Do what you will, but know that statistics still involves chance, and there's no guarantee that you won't be the one to deviate. Please research everything you do thoroughly. I don't want this little boy to die in vain. Some lesson must be learned from this.

:(

On a completely separate note, I am now cleared for "all activity." All activity includes sexy time, but there's no way in hell that's happening anytime soon. Part of my episiotomy is still open and healing. He says that the angled cuts take longer to heal, but they also prevent tearing into the rectal muscles, which can cause permanent fecal incontinence. Ew!!! So I'll take the open wound, I suppose.

I've been doing 30 Day Shred at home in lieu of other exercise, mainly because I can't get the time away from the baby and it's way too hot to run outside with him! I still have 14 lbs left to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, and it's a slow journey back down the scale. Very annoying. I hope to get my pool card before the weekend so that I can test out the new community pool and see how my swimming endurance is? Should be amusing....

Little man still isn't on any sort of schedule. I'm exhausted and worried about work. I may try to contact my boss today and ask for 2 weeks unpaid leave so that I can make it an even 10 weeks off. Going back at 8 weeks when he's still unsettled just isn't going to work for me. :(

Anyway, there's my update. Thanks for the kind words! They definitely helped with the grieving process, but like the saying goes, time really does heal all.

Life is Fragile

I've been absent moreso because I've been busy than anything else. But this past week, my cousin gave birth to her firstborn son, Owen. And everything since then has been a blur.

Last summer, we decided together that it would be fun to have children close together in age. As in, as close to the same birthday as possible. I got pregnant first, and then I shared my "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" book and sperm-friendly lubricant with her, and the next month....bingo! It has been so much fun to go through this whole thing together. We were 5 weeks apart, but it was so exciting to think that our kids were going to be playmates and friends for life.

She had an uneventful pregnancy until the very end, when she found out her baby was breech. All along, they'd been having midwife care and were planning a home birth. Obviously, the midwife couldn't deliver a breech baby at home, so they sought out one of the only doctors in the state who would permit a breech vaginal birth. He did an ultrasound and attempted a version...then told her that she should show up at the hospital at 8cm and that they would allow her to attempt a vaginal birth at that time.

Fast forward to Wednesday morning. She waits too long in the birthing tub and they speed through a 39 minute drive to the hospital. She shows up fully dilated, and as she is wheeled into the OR, two feet emerge first. Bad. At that point, the clock starts. Owen's vitals degrade and it quickly becomes clear that the cord is wrapped around his neck twice and his head is far too big to make it through the birth canal. The Dr. had to reach in and physically pull him out, breaking his shoulder in the process. My poor cousin did this all med-free, so apparently it was excruciatingly painful.

We don't know what happened after he was born, aside from the fact that his brain had gone 9 minutes without oxygen. They rushed him to the NICU, and his brain began to swell so they put him on hypothermic treatments. They lower his body temperature and cool his brain for 72 hours in hopes of helping stop the brain injury and give it time to recover. He had to be on a respirator. He never cried. :(

It's now been 4 days. The first and 2nd day of the treatment, Drs told my cousin and her husband that Owen was brain dead. Yesterday, at the 72-hour mark, they removed the body cooler and brought his body back to body temperature. They switched ventilators, and he took a few breathes on his own. All his vitals have stabilized, he is pinking up, gaining weight, and having plenty of wet diapers. But they don't know if his brain has any activity. :(

They were able to hold him for the first time yesterday, and I guess when they started talking to him, he opened his eyes and followed their voices? So part of us hopes and prays for a miracle and that his cognitive functions have returned.... Miracles do happen, right?? It's just been so hard, because he was a perfectly healthy and perfect baby boy. He has loving parents. But the birth trauma just seems so unfair. I guess this is something I will never understand.

So if you can spare a few thoughts and prayers for a miracle, we could use them. I've been totally disraught and suffering from survivors' guilt. Why do I have the perfect, healthy baby boy when hers is suffering so much? How can we get together for holidays when Derek will constantly remind them of their lost son? I know I am jumping the gun, but I am being realistic so I don't get too heartbroken. I'm assuming tomorrow, after their neurologist meeting, they will decide if they should take him off the ventilator or not. Tomorrow may be a very bad day. :(

My boy is doing really well. We've had our second night of a 6 1/2 stretch of sleep, which is phenomenal. He doesn't sleep during the day, but it's okay because the nighttimes are looking great. He is smiling a lot now, and he loves to coo. I am enchanted. It took a while, but at 6 weeks, I cannot imagine life without him.

I'm signed up for a mock triathlon on June 27th....I am not cleared to exercise yet, but I have done some run/walking. Not so fabulous! Still waiting to swim -- not sure he will let me yet because the episiotomy still stings. I'm afraid to think of the bike.

Here are a few pics of the past month.

He's Here!

Wow. It's been 2 1/2 weeks already, and I can't believe it. It still seems so surreal. In my sleep-deprived haze, time has both stood still and flown by. I'm a Mom and I'm still in denial about it!

So, it all started on the 26th. I woke up at 3am to pee, as usual, but when I got back to bed I noticed that my Braxton Hicks contractions were starting to migrate down into my pelvis a little bit. This was definitely a new sensation, so I looked at the clock and waited to see if I had another one....and sure enough, 8 minutes later, there it was. So, I kind of freaked out at this point and headed out of bed and onto the computer, where I setup a spreadsheet to time contractions and then kill time. Within an hour, they were down to 5 minutes apart, and then a half hour after that, we were at 3 minutes apart. At this point, I was pretty positive this was "it," so I hopped into the bathtub to see if the contractions would slow down or stop....if they did, then it would be false labor. Alas, in the tub, they stayed 2-3 minutes apart. At 6am, I called the Dr. because the contractions had been 2-3 minutes apart for over an hour. She told me to get to the hospital, so I woke up DH and told him this was it! His response? "Do I have time to take a shower and eat breakfast?"

Sure. Why not?! They were still just uncomfortable, so I flat ironed my hair and put on makeup while DH scrambled about getting ready to leave. I forced myself to eat, called my Mom to tell her this was it, then sobbed in the living room on my yoga ball. (Which, coincidentally, provided no relief at all) What an emotional roller coaster!

We checked into triage at 8am and they put me on the monitor to see if I really was in labor. The nurse said, "so, you are 40 weeks and 2 days. Do you think you are in labor?" I almost smacked her. I told her if this wasn't the real deal, then she should shoot me now!

Since a bunch of women came in at the same time who were farther along than me (vomiting in transition -- seriously?!), we stayed in triage for about an hour and a half. At about 9:30am, we were admitted to our antipartum room. The founder of my OB practice was on hospital duty for the day, so I was excited. I never thought I'd want a man to deliver my child, but when the time comes, you really want the experience. At any rate, I was 4.5cm dilated and 70% effaced at that point, so they hooked up my IV and he sent me on a walking tour of L&D. 1 hour of walking, a check, and then another hour of walking.

The first hour wasn't too bad, and I was really tearing ass around L&D. In fact, we got numerous "this is not a race" comments from people. (Seriously, why walk slowly?!) The contractions were staying pretty tolerable, but I was hopeful that the walking was helping.

Eh. 5cm after an hour of walking, so off we went on another hour of walking. This hour, things got more intense. I had trouble walking through most of the contractions.....and I was tending to drop a few "f" bombs here and there. There was definitely relief in between contractions, but I had a few issues where my contractions would not die down -- the uterus would just continue contracting with little relief. THAT sucked.

My Dr. checked me at 12:30 and I was 5.5cm and 100% effaced. At that point, he recommended that I get an epidural (it was in my plans from the beginning).....he said that oftentimes, the epidural slows down contractions, and we wanted to see that because baby was having a few issues with my psychotic overactive uterus. SO, I cried Uncle and ordered the epidural. I'm glad I didn't wait until I was in excruciating pain, because it took about an hour to get the darn thing! But the anesthesiologist was fantastic --- his wife was a marathoner so he was talking triathlon with me as he placed it. He did a bang-up job and there was pretty quick relief. I LOVED it. All this worry about the epidural, and it was the best part of my day. And the Fentanyl they lace the epidural drugs with? Bloody brilliant!

Dr. broke my water at that point, which was really weird. I had sensation in my legs and could move them, so I felt the gushes of water after every contraction -- at that point, I realized that all sense of modesty went out the window. Especially since there was meconium in my water. Ew.

DH and I were trying to figure out what movie to watch when my parents and sisters came in to visit me. I felt great, but I was paranoid about the pushing part. I think part of me enjoyed laying around in my epidural-induced stupor. Anyway, as we were visiting, about 3 nurses ran into the room really quickly. They rolled me onto my side, wrangled my family out the door, and then shoved an internal probe up my you-know-what so that they could monitor the baby. Apparently, I had dilated to 10cm within the hour and baby had dropped to -2, creating a massive deceleration in his heartrate that got them worried. Thankfully, he recovered, but the nurses were still a little traumatized.

At this point, my Dr. comes in. It's 4:00pm or 4:30pm? He says that we are going to sit at 10cm for an hour or so in order for baby to recover from the deceleration, and then we'll start pushing. I was fine with this, as I didn't have the urge to push, nor did I particularly want to get started!

Somehow this hour flew by and before I knew it, we were pushing. I couldn't really feel the contractions too much, but we did what we could. An hour into pushing, I apparently developed a fever of 103 and they started pushing antibiotics into my IV. Around this same time, we noticed that the baby's heartrate was hovering around 200 bpm and was not recovering in between contractions. They had me stop pushing, which at this point became quite difficult. I didn't want to up my epidural drip because I was concerned about how it was effecting the baby, but I didn't enjoy writhing in pain as I resisted pushing. Dr. was apparently delivering a baby next door, so we were on hold. Poor nurse was freaking out in silence!

When my Dr. came back in, he announced that the baby was sunny side up. He decided that he would reach in and try to turn him during a contraction. THAT was the most painful thing I've ever felt in life. I didn't scream, but I desperately wanted to. What a nightmare. We made no progress whatsoever! While the Dr. continued to monitor the tape of my contractions and baby's heartrate, I kept pushing....it did seem pointless, though.

All this time, I kept telling my husband to prepare himself for a c-section. I knew that all the silence in the delivery room and the worried faces meant that a vaginal birth was likely not possible. My Dr. sat down next to us and basically told us we had 2 options, and neither one was going to be easy -- we either do an emergency c-section, or we attempt a forceps delivery....and risk having a c-section regardless. I opted for option 2. I know forceps are frowned upon, but I was thinking if any Dr. could do a skillful delivery, it was mine. He looked worried, but I went ahead and signed the consent forms for the c-section just in case. A slew of nurses came into the delivery room....NICU nurses for the baby, one to monitor me and my fever, and then the anesthesiologist.

My favorite Dr. gave me a little extra booster into my epidural, and it was wonderful......I didn't feel a single thing, even when they reinserted the urinary catheter. (yes, it went in twice -- woohoo!) When the Dr. grabbed the forceps, I was blissfully unaware of what was happening. I just kept pushing on command (DH did a great job counting to ten, since I was inclined to cheat and stop at 9). DH was so traumatized by what was happening that he didn't even peak. Thank goodness, because rest assured I had probably crapped the table fifty times by the time the delivery was over.

Long story short, Dr. managed to turn him 3/4 of the way and then with forceps, pulled him into this world. Derek's initial apgar was a 3, but they quickly pumped his tummy and lungs and by the five minute mark, he was up to an 8. He's been robust and healthy ever since! 20.5 inches long and 7 lbs, 10 oz in weight. I was so shocked I had a relatively little baby. DH and I were mostly traumatized when he was born and they didn't let us hold him for about 20 minutes after he was born. Which was fine, as we needed the time to compose ourselves. I made DH leave my side 5 minutes after his birth to go look after Derek in the corner of the room while I found out that I'd had an episiotomy. Ouch! Well, I didn't feel it at the time. No additional tearing, either, so that was nice.

We called our family in after we got stitched up and acquainted for the first time, and they were all in tears. He was born at 8:12pm.......can you imagine being at 10cm for that long? Insanity. But we are incredibly thankful he was born safe and sound after that long ordeal.

The first few weeks have been a trial, I won't lie. I didn't realize that sleep deprivation, hormones, and the recovery pains would knock me out quite like they have. I do love Derek, but some nights I wonder what I've done to my life. Apparently, this is all normal. So, I am just waiting.....waiting for the weather to turn nice so I can take some longer walks, and waiting for the feelings of regret to be overcome with love for this baby. Don't get me wrong....I love him. I may even be IN love with him. But I haven't been hit with the "I cannot imagine my life without him" schpiel that women wax about the instant they become pregnant. Perhaps I'm just not wired like that? Or perhaps once my sleepy fog lifts, I'll be there. Nonetheless, he is plenty loved, so no worries.

So, that's the birth story! I'll add a few pics to the bottom of this post. Thanks for the well-wishes......

Like the Energizer Bunny

.....this pregnancy keeps going, and going, and going.....

39 weeks and 6 days as of tomorrow. One day away from the big due date. I should be excited, but if I've learned anything these past 9+ months, it's that the due date really doesn't mean anything. Baby will come when my body is ready and not a day beforehand. I can hope and pray that I fall within the "normal" range and drop this child at 40 weeks, but I have a sneaking suspicion I have another week left of contractions and backaches and stretch marks to look forward to.

I am loathe to admit that exercising stopped 3 weeks ago. Aside from neighborhood walks, I have not been swimming, nor have I worked out in the gym at work. I have an irrational fear of my water breaking on the elliptical machine. Or my water breaking in the pool and having meconium in it, so everyone knows who to blame for the greenish hue. You know, totally stupid. And to be honest, I finally reached the uncomfortable, sleepy stage where I just don't care anymore. I've worked hard for 8 months....this month was a lost cause for me.

Seeing the Dr. tomorrow for my last "official" appointment. He'll tell me I've gained a million pounds, that my blood pressure is stellar, and that I've made no progress since 37 weeks. And I'll be hella-pissed. But I'm going to make him sweep my membranes tomorrow, even if it hurts like a mofo. I figure, it's got to be better than a Pitocen induction, right?

Speaking of induction, it's on the books. Next Friday morning, the 30th.... How scary is that? Assuming nothing happens tomorrow, this next weekend will be our last without a child. Our lives are never going to be the same again. How am I supposed to be productive at work when I have these kinds of big thoughts to stare down?

And then there's the fear of labor. Oh my gosh, I'm really petrified. I figure I can probably handle the pain, but emotionally am I ready for it? Ugh. Everyone else seems ready. Guess I'd better wrap my head around it pretty quickly.

So with that, I'm updated. Still pregnant. Still huge. And increasingly tired. So if anyone out there thinks I should rest more, kiss my ass -- insomnia blows. :)

Not over Yet.....

So I sit here at 38 weeks, 1 day......and I am restless!

Lots and lots of upheaval on my new triathlon team. The head coach and really the greatest thing since sliced bread was fired, which was just devastating news because I've loved training with her this past year. (Even though I've been injured or pregnant most of the time) I don't understand most of the circumstances surrounding it, but I think it's probably because she had an affair with one of the other coaches. To be honest, I could care less about this! So she is starting her own team and I will be joining that after I recover from having the baby. They are meeting up and practicing on their own, and it's making me so jealous that I can't make it. AH!!

Had a huge pregnancy-related setback last week that required me to stay home from work in agony for 6 days. Horrible! Will have to deal with that after the baby is born with some surgery. JOY.

I'm finding myself constantly wondering when labor is going to start. It's almost an unhealthy obsession. My back hurts? Is it coming in waves? Was that an abdominal cramp? Could my Braxton Hicks get any tighter? Was that the "bloody show?" Seriously, it's enough to make me crazy. I've eaten 4 packages of swiss rolls in 24 hours. 800 calories. Can you believe that crap? I'm drowning my sorrows in chocolate, since I haven't really indulged during this pregnancy.

So, that's about it from me. Still here. Still ginormous. Still wondering when it's all going to go down. I do know they won't let me go beyond May 1st, so at least the end is on the horizon...... I *will* make it.

Stick a Fork in Me!

I'm done. Seriously, this is getting a bit ridiculous. I know I have 3 more days until I hit "full term," but I feel like I've done my time. I've put up with months and months of Braxton Hicks contractions. I'm starting to get stretch marks under my belly from this ginormous baby I am growing. My nights are full of 3-5 pee breaks a night, sometimes interspersed with bouts of insomnia. My feet are starting to swell. We don't discuss the roids. It's all bad at this point, and I don't think it's going to get better until this baby comes into this world.

Instead of hitting the gym today, I walked in, smelled the guy who was running on the treadmill, then ran out while choking back vomit. Got dressed back into my work clothes and had a spur of the moment lunch with the hubs. !!!! What has become of me?

Well, up until last month, exercise made me feel better. I still got that high. I got energized. But now, exercise makes me tired. I have to stop frequently so that the cramps calm down, and afterwards, I want to take a nap. What the heck?! But I hope I can get back to swimming soon...

Speaking of swimming, my triathlon team has completely gone soap opera. They fired the head coach, who I have a HUGE amount of respect for, and now I am so angry I don't feel motivated to attend the group practices. Quite frankly, the remaining coaches don't have the skills or teaching abilities that I think I need in a Coach. So, I guess this also makes the timing right for baby. It'll give my old Coach time to get her business together and then when I am ready to train again, I'll sign on with her and go from there. :)

Anyway, have my 37 week appointment tomorrow. Since last week I was neither dilated nor effaced, I don't intend to consent to an internal tomorrow. What's it going to tell me? At this point, my water either needs to break or I need to be crying in pain in order to know if I'm in labor. I don't need the disappointment of an internal showing no progress. And who wants internals, anyway? They are so painful!

So, that's my scoop. Not feeling like doing the pregnancy survey, because it's getting a little old. And besides, I think I've covered all the bases. While I'm not "miserable," I'm now ready to meet my son. BRING IT!

Hanging on

This week, I downgraded myself to "Upper Intermediate" swimming. It's a bit slower-paced than Advanced, and when I am done, I am not left crampy and out of breath. (Instructions from Dr.: "Easy does it.")

I have to say, swimming is a heck of a lot more enjoyable when I'm not one of the slowest in the pool. In fact, I got quite a few "oh shits" when I got out of the pool at the end and my lanemates discovered I was pregnant. Go me! It's endurance month, so this makes life much easier than doing painful kicking drills. I just hope I can keep it up until the bitter end.

Which, isn't too far off. How scary is that? Had my baby shower last week, and so many people came- it was so much fun to have all of my friends and family in the same place. Stressful, but fun! My little house BARELY held everybody. And they put quite a dent in my registry so that this weekend, I didn't have to drop $1K at Babies R Us to finish it all off. Whoever said all a baby needs is a crib and love is full of crap! (Or am I full of baby crap?! I do feel like I could run a nursery now)

I'm DONE with work. Not literally, just figuratively. I haven't checked out, but I am way more sensitive and stressed out than I usually am, and it's just not making for a pleasurable last month. My feet are starting to swell, too, so this makes looking good a little problematic. Some days, I am tempted to leave the office barefoot!

Anyway, here's my weekly log for baby this week, as i haven't done much on the workout end aside from swimming and a few hours of elliptical and yoga. Woohoo.....

How far along? 34 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 34 lbs GAINED....I'm so over it.
Sleep: I wake up to pee every hour and a half, but most of the time I can go back to sleep.
Best moment this week: Um....Friday night when I was done with work???

Movement: He's a sleepy little guy. Has a few bouts of hyperactivity a few times a day, but is mostly pretty quiet.
Food cravings: Nope. But chocolate sounds extra good.
Stretch Marks: Last weekend, I got one under my belly. I'm pissed. So much for my fancy lotion.
Gender: Boy!!
Labor Signs: More Braxton Hicks this week, but Dr. isn't concerned. Thinks it'll be fun to see if I've progressed at my 36 week appointment.

Belly Button in or out? In...but it ain't pretty.
What I miss: Full use of my right wrist.
What I am looking forward to: Taking the baby for a run in the stroller. Can't wait for warm weather and the ability to run without feeling like I have a bowling ball between my hips.

Weekly Wisdom: It's possible to be ready but not ready. ;)
Milestones: Um, that crappy stretch mark!

Hold Your Horses!

That's a message to my uterus, by the way. My irritable uterus.

What a week. After two solid weeks of insane Braxton Hicks contractions, I decided that I needed more reassurance that nothing was happening than an internal exam. So yesterday I call the nurse's line and told them that I was well-hydrated, had a desk job, and that my 6-10 contractions an hour were taking my breathe away. So in I go to the office.....

We start with the fetal fibronectin test, which basically tests for a protein that can indicate whether you will go into labor within the next 2 weeks. A negative is more conclusive than a positive......it basically assures you with 95% confidence that you won't go into labor within that 2 week period.

After that, I had an ultrasound to check out my cervical length. Of course, they pull out the vag-cam for this one. Joy! More probing. (Get used to it, right?) Everything looks great....nice and thick and high, and baby's head is down already. He was sticking his tongue out at us and practicing breathing, so that was pretty cute.

General consensus after the negative fetal fibronectin test and the high and closed cervix is that I just have an irritable uterus. The contractions aren't causing anything else to happen, so they are harmless at the moment. I'm not supposed to exercise too much when they are hot and heavy, but I also don't have to put my life on hold unless they get even stronger or more painful.

So, that was scary yesterday. For a minute there, they were talking about drugs like terbutaline and procardia, and mentioning going to the hospital for fetal monitoring and other fun stuff. I'm so relieved that he's staying put for a while and that I'm not on bed rest! I did skip swimming this week, though.....figured I owed it to the baby to at least take his safety and well being seriously.

Anyway, we have childbirth classes tomorrow night and Saturday, so it should be entertaining! And just to keep with the general baby-related theme of the day, I thought I would include the pregnancy questionnaire that everyone seems to put into their baby blogs. Better late than never, right??

How far along? 30 weeks, 5 days
Total weight gain/loss: 30 lbs GAINED....kill me now!
Sleep: Not the best, but could certainly be worse
Best moment this week: Finding out I won't be having the baby within the next 2 weeks....and watching him stick his tongue out at us on the ultrasound

Movement: Lots. Especially at 11pm. And he wakes up and kicks whenever the cat snuggles up next to the belly.
Food cravings: None?!
Stretch Marks: Not yet, but I'm sure they're coming.
Gender: Boy!!
Labor Signs: Had craploads of Braxton Hicks contractions, but I'm not dialated or effaced and fetal fibronectin was negative, so I have time.

Belly Button in or out? In...but struggling.
What I miss: Not looking totally fat.
What I am looking forward to: Being able to walk into a room and not have everyone stare at my stomach. Oh, and the baby, of course!

Weekly Wisdom: Follow your gut. If you need more reassurance than your Dr. is giving you, then get it. Be squeaky.
Milestones: New horrific pregnancy symptom this week -- carpal tunnel syndrome. Woohoo!! I just love this stuff, can't you tell?

Return of Coach Meanypants

Monday marked the start of Triathlon Season #4 for me. Unlike the previous three years, where the season started with excitement and delusions of grandeur, this season was marked with Braxton Hicks contractions. So many, that the OB considered me "dehydrated" and I was told to go home and rest.

Rest?? The first day of the first swim practices?!! Seriously!!!!

So I rested, and my second opportunity came on Wednesday. Upper and Lower Intermediates were swimming at 6, and Advanced was swimming at 7. I wanted to move down to Upper Intermediate, but Coach Yoli said I still needed to come to Advanced, despite the fact that I am slower than usual! Argh. So I show up....very pregnant....and throw the towel around my waist while I wait for the Intermediates to finish up. (Good call -- they were barely moving in the water)

Coach Meanypants was there, barking out instructions. Now, I will admit, the man scares the crap out of me. Because he's good! He sees right through me usually, and he demands perfection. His critiques are so spot on that you notice improvements immediately in the pool. But his critiques also mean you were doing something wrong, and then you feel pretty terrible about the whole situation. So I guess because he hurts my pride and kicks my butt, I'm petrified of the man.

Wednesday, when I hopped in the pool in a lower lane and started warming up, I felt a little like an outsider. Very few of the women wanted to talk to me, and I think a few probably wondered what I was doing at practice. As DH says, "what are you practicing for?!" Well, for me the answer is simple....if I can keep up my fitness through this pregnancy, the faster I will return for my race at the end of August. Simple enough, right?

Coach Meanypants starts us out with 4 x 150's of kicking drills. I'm all over Superman the first time around, but as soon as I get on my side, I have trouble taking a breathe. I was flabbergasted by how hard it was to breathe as I made my way to the deep end, substituting my sideways kicking with some breastroke. I HUNG on to the end of the pool and proceeded to take many deep breathes, and then started to panic as they became shallow. I was like, "what the heck?"

Meanypants comes over and says, "what's wrong?" to which I reply, "my legs feel great but I can't breathe." He asks me when the last time I swam was. I told him I've been swimming 2000 meter sets for the past 3 months, at least once a week. So while I am not in good shape, I am not OUT of swimming shape. He just looks at me and says, "kicking is hard. Just float on your back."

And that was that. I did the back kicking drills to finish out the set, then joined in with the rest on the remainder of the repeats.....slowing down a little to make sure my breathing problem wouldn't return. You see, I was watching the girls in the first lane the entire time and up until my hyperventilation problem, I was beating them. BAD!!!! This is not a race. This is building fitness, and I shouldn't try to be competitive. I just can't help myself.

Apparently my stroke was very shallow and I was crossing over with my arms -- really atypical for me. He mentioned that once, so I did my best to correct it. Unfortunately, the night sweats are really taking a toll on my upper back muscles, so I think that is the reason why I have a shallow entry into the water and maybe why I'm overcompensating with one arm over the center. At any rate, I was informed by Coach #2 that my kick was also "so messed up." Huh?! I still have my little 2-beat flutter kick. How is it messed up? Oh....hips have spread. I'm hoping she was talking about that.

So after an hour, I managed to complete the entire workout along with the other girls...in fact, I was middle of the pack, so I didn't disgrace myself at all. I was exhausted, but glad that I at least sucked it up and did it. Last year, this workout was cake.....this year? Damn near impossible.

I can't help but feel that Coach Meanypants was wondering why I even bothered to show up. He gave up on me after the first 10 minutes, and I really felt like a leper! But I will continue to drag my pregnant, fat ass to the pool at least twice a week to bother him, because I'm going to prove him wrong. I'm going to come back after having this baby, and I'm going to be swimming BETTER than I am today, and I am going to kick the fast lane's butts in races come this fall. I am determined!

Oh, and to top it all off, I actually joined in on a locker room conversation post-workout. I asked one of the older women how she liked Coach Meanypants' workouts in the gravel pond over the summer, since I never made it out in time last year. She said that she found them pointless, because when it's racing season, there's no reason to practice speed because in a race like Danskin or Tri for the Cure, there are so many people in the swim you can't go fast. I looked at her like she was smoking crack!! She was totally serious. I'm like, "it's helpful if you get out in front of everyone in your wave and then you don't have to deal with too much traffic," to which she indignantly said, "there are just so many people in the water, if you went too fast you'd swim over someone."

And your problem is???

So, being pregnant does a few things to people. #1, they think you should be home on the couch waiting for the baby arrive. And #2, they forget that you were ever an athlete, and cannot possibly fathom that your now round body would be capable of doing anything OTHER than sitting on the couch at home.

I freaking HATE that.

We had another swim practice this morning, but I opted to stay in bed. Twice a week should work just fine for me right now....today we are painting the nursery. I need my energy!

And if you managed to make it through that horribly depressing and angry post, I'll reward you with some uber cute 3D pictures of the little man after his re-take last Friday. He's kind of cute....and he loves to smile when he hears his Aunties talk. The facial distortion is caused by his snuggling with the umbilical cord. He's a heart breaker and playing hard-to-get already. :)

The freight train is coming

The baby freight train, that is. Equipped with skin anomolies, hip pain, random belly cramps, and an enormous amount of uncontrollable weight gain. I look at myself in the mirror every morning and cry. Can this be over yet? Oh, no....it's only going to get worse.

Exercise is getting more and more difficult. In yoga, when we do "pansy" pushups, I find my arm strength has practically disappeared! And when we do balancing poses, I'm starting to get a little bit wobbly. Yesterday in the gym, my upper back and shoulders were so seized up that I lasted only 5 minutes a piece on the elliptical and then stationary bike before moving on to the treadmill for some fast walking....but then 20 minutes later I had horrible cramps under my bump and they would only go away when I slowed down. What the *(&(*&@34*&~!!!!! How am I supposed to exercise through this crap?

My one saving grace is that CWW starts up again next week with 2 sessions a week that I'll be able to attend pretty easily for swim practice. Of course, it's with Coach Meanypants, but how can he yell at a woman who is 28 weeks pregnant?? (Yes, we are at the 28 week mark starting tomorrow...insanity) I have 1 swimsuit left that fits, but that might even be pushing it. I look like a beached whale. i'm getting slower by the day...but surely I'll be faster than some of these women there.

I've started panicking about my maternity leave as well. I've had 5 days off from work in the past 2 weeks (use 'em or lose 'em) and they have been incredibly boring! But moreso than that, they've left me feeling more disconnected from my job than ever. This depresses me more than you could possibly know. My boss told me I was being ridiculous and that I have nothing to worry about, but the whole thing really does seem unfair. 12 weeks off to bond with baby is a blessing -- I get it. But my career has been #1 for over 5 years now.....why do I have to feel like it's so vulnerable now that I've chosen the path of motherhood? Times like these make me wish DH had a uterus. He'd be happy as a clam popping out babies and staying home to cook and clean and play. I will slit my wrists.

My only positive this week was a 3D ultrasound of the little man. We're going back this afternoon for a second chance, since he wasn't too cooperative, but I did manage to get one good side profile of him. He's pretty darn cute, I have to say. But if one more person tells me he looks like DH, I am going to smack them. (OK, it wouldn't be bad for him to get DH's looks and body composition genes....but I hope he gets a good combination of our brains because then he'll have the perfect balance of book smarts and street smarts!) :) Here's his first photo:

And then the moment you've all been waiting for. (NOT) This was a few days ago. 27 weeks, 27 lbs up. KILL ME NOW. My shirt is loose so I had it pulled back -- I am not that lumpy....it just feels like it. As you can see, it looks like I'm carrying high, but that's crap because I feel him punch me deep down in my pelvis. So that's just stomach and guts and stuff. Lucky me. :)

So that's my scoop! Stressed about impending baby, dealing with new maladies day by day, and anxiously awaiting a better face shot so I can tell once and for all how cute this little one really is. :)

Hit with the Ugly Stick

You would not believe the night I just had.

We had a lovely Outback dinner and I behaved *so* well, opting for the grilled tilapia and vegetables, holding the sauce and only using lemon. It tasted so gross, but I was so proud for being such a healthy girl. And then I had an individual serving of the peanut butter pie, because I had behaved too well for my liking and needed a little chocolate and peanut butter in my system. Sinful.

So things were looking great. We catch up on our DVR'ed shows from the past week, and I head to bed where I get 3 1/2 excellent hours of sleep.....and then I wake up. Am I hungry? Yes. But this shall pass. I lay in bed some more, and hunger starts to turn a little.....sick. I switch sides, and almost instantly I shoot out of bed and run to the bathroom.

Poor DH followed me in but he doesn't have the stomach for vomit these days, so he stood in the hallway telling me how sorry he was. I just wanted everything OUT of my stomach.

I felt pretty fabulous afterwards, but this morning I looked in the mirror and I look as though I've been bludgeoned in the face!!! I must have popped every damn blood vessel, because I have the face of a liver-spotted 100-year old man. Woe is me.

What else is next, little baby? What are you doing to me?!

In other news, I went to my first prenatal yoga class on Thursday. I walked into the room of 10 women and checked everyone out......basketballs, watermelons, mangoes......and a 60-year old woman who looked at us like we were nuts when we asked her how far along she was. "What? I'm not pregnant! I'm 60!" My instructor had to inform her that "prenatal" implied before child is born, and that this was no regular class. The poor woman got up and left, but not without all of us having a good laugh at her expense. Oh well.

Class itself didn't start out too promising. "Picture your baby swimming in a sea of tranquility." Speaking of vomit......I had trouble not laughing out loud at the start. But eventually, my slightly wacked out, crunchy doula-turned-yogi led us through a pretty normal class. Down dog, sun salutation, crescent lunge, runner's lunge, cat/cows, child's pose, warrior, reverse warrior..... It was more intense than I was expecting, but in a good way. Challenging to the muscles and preparing us all for the road that lies ahead. She gave us a few ways to change the baby's position, and this helped me out a ton because baby had been lying inward for 2 days and had been tap dancing all over my bladder. After yoga, he had turned and my lower back felt instantly better.

Did I meet my new best friend in prenatal yoga? Um, no. But these ladies will do for now.

I owe everyone a belly pic, so I'll see if I can cover up the ugly face with some good makeup and get the hubby to start documenting this pregnancy since it's reached some gargantuan proportions. This better be the only time in my life that I weight this much!

25 weeks today.......3rd tri's coming.....like a freight train.

New Year....No Resolutions

I'm not going to promise to write more. I'm not going to try to lose weight (until after April). I'm not even going to try and be a better person.

Nope. My goal? Make it to April 24th in one piece and add a new member to the family.

As things progress, I find myself getting more and more antsy. Which new symptoms will plague me this week? When are the stretch marks coming? Can I get any slower in the water? Do swimsuits really break under pressure? Can I start sleep training the little one in the womb?

Yes, very antsy indeed. Am pleased to report that a lot of the important stuff is done. 20 week ultrasound -- done. Baby is still a boy, and he is perfect as far as we can tell. Maternal serum test came back negative for open spinal cord defects. 4D ultrasound is booked for the 26th. Glucose screen booked on the 26th. Crib and coordinating furniture were not only ordered, but arrived 12 weeks early and are assembled! Crib bedding is ordered. Shower invitations have been ordered. Prenatal yoga class has been signed up for. Aqua Aerobics is being added to the rotation briefly. DH and I are signed up for our Childbirth classes and Infant Care classes. Is this impressive or what?

Admittedly, I haven't run at all since my crawling episode at the Turkey Trot. Heard one too many stories of pelvic floor injuries postpartum that I think I will just return to running after I drop this little one. Instead, I've been on the elliptical for 50 minutes over lunch watching the Dog Whisperer, making sure it all seems "easy" to me. I swim on Sundays with my needy friend who actually laps me within 200 meters. (She claims it's because of her flip turns.....I secretly hope in a race situation she becomes timid and gets dunked a few million times so that I beat her) I've noticed some interesting things over the past few weeks, though..... My freaking hips must be spreading, courtesy of that fantastic relaxin crap. It's painful to walk for the first few minutes after getting up from a chair, and they ache late at night. I'm also feeling more awkward in the water. At first, swimming was liberating because I was blissfully unaware of my abdomen. But then baby turned into a 1lb sack of sugar and now, I always know he is down there.

At my 23 week appointment, I was up 20 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight. Oops! And I managed to do this all while eating no more than 1800 calories a day and by working out 3-4 times a week. My Dr. isn't concerned at all. She doesn't realize how traumatizing this is. My boss just says I must not love my baby enough if I am concerned about gaining weight while pregnant. Eat me, people. I seriously need everyone to understand that I am very conscious of my weight and it doesn't mean I care for the baby any less. Couldn't I be like my cousin and be even with the pre-preg weight? Seriously?!

Is there anything non-baby in my life, you ask?

No, not really. I'm pretty sad and pathetic. I'm watching my bikini line disappear as my abdomen gets bigger and bigger. I'm discovering all sorts of new maladies that my body is capable of throwing at me. I pee a lot. The heartburn is enough to make me want to slit my wrists.....thank goodness for Prilosec. And when I go to bed, I read about sleep training and infant care. I'm pretty special these days.

Anyway, will leave you with a few pics. Not terribly exciting, but it's all I'm capable of right now!

Here's my munchkin caught sleeping in the infant bouncer. Boy is he in for a surprise!

This is the crib, assembled in its new home!

And here is the little snot at 19 weeks and 3 days.

Giving Thanks

I know I promised to update more frequently, but I just feel my life isn't blog-able these days. I'm so boring! But I did have some excitement on Thanksgiving....

So, at 6:30am on T-giving Day, I rolled out of bed and went to my closet.....pulled out my faithful Fiona (thank goodness she still fits!), my compression tights, my sexy Sugoi hoody, and laced up my running shoes. And you know what? I didn't look half bad! Where are those 14 lbs that I've gained?!! I hide them well, I must admit....and all my clothes still fit. Woohoo!

At 7am, after coffee and half a bagel, my little sister arrived, and then we were off to the Turkey Trot. I had sent out the SOS earlier in the week.....anyone want to do a 5K with me on Thanksgiving? Baby has the need for speed!

It was a joke, of course.....but my sister answered the call, thank goodness. So we drove to the site, and walked over to the stadium for packet pickup where I led her through the routine of getting the race number, the chip, and the t-shirt.....and then scoping out all the potties in the vicinity. Oh yes, I was very serious about all of this!

My objective was simply to have a good time and burn some calories. But in the back of my head, I was thinking, if this takes more than 40 minutes, I'm going to kill myself.

HA! I got so excited when the gun went off and we started making our way through the start chute. I'm back! And I had no idea baby was in there at all, even at 18.5 weeks. (Technically in my 19th week, but we won't go into that crazy stuff) We took off at a slow jog and did our best to avoid the baby strollers and joggers with dogs. I was thinking we'd do a 2 min run/1 min walk interval, but I didn't slow us down until 5 minutes went by and we hit our first hill. I was trying to stay aerobic and was talking to my sister the entire time to gauge where my heartrate was, and that hill KILLED me. Granted, I haven't really run in 2 months. I mean, I do the elliptical for 50 minutes 4 times a week, but that doesn't really do the job. We ended up walking more than I wanted to in the first mile, hitting it in 13 minutes even.

Yuck. The second mile was more of the same....uphill for a while, taxing my heart rate. I kept thinking I was killing the baby, so I slowed down and calmed down. My sister was great -- she just let me call the shots and she followed. THEN we hit the downhill section of the course. I gave her my free speed lecture and told her to lean into the hill to let momentum carry her down, but she thought I was nuts. I led the way and tried to make up ground going down the hills, while she moaned and groaned about how we needed to walk. Poor thing -- I was killing her. We hit the aid station and I made her keep going...... at the two mile mark, I hit my 5K PR of 25:52. Ha! It was not so fabulous. My sister kept saying, "keep going without me!" But why would I do that? We were doing this together...and anything less than 25:52 was a disappointment to me, even though I knew darn well I couldn't do it.

So we chugged along, and I tried my best to keep my sister moving. She has exercise-induced asthma but refuses to use an inhaler because of how shaky it makes her feel, so she was starting to get all panicky and was breathing way too much. So I talked to her about beaches. And massages. And Thanksgiving sticky buns. I coaxed her along to the finish line, grabbing her at the end and forcing her to sprint across the line. She said she didn't know she had a final kick in her until I started dragging her! Poor thing..... But she did it. We did it. Baby crossed his very first finish line in 38:56. And he's kicking up a storm, so I didn't kill him. Victory!!!

Now if only people thought I was pregnant and not just slow..... Next month, perhaps.... Am considering another 5K that I can run in my Santa stockings and boxer shorts. I may run it again under my fake name so that nobody can trace my dismal results. They should have a special asterix in the results next to the names of pregnant women. You know, to indicate that our bodies have been taken over by aliens and that we aren't who we used to be?!

So, we had a great holiday and I definitely felt like I had some bragging rights. Of course, when I go to the Dr. on Monday for my 20 week ultrasound (more like 19 weeks 2 days), I'm sure I'll get in trouble for the weight gain. But seriously, I've been eating salads and grilled chicken and Special K with skim milk. I work out more than the average pregnant woman. Throw me a bone here!

I braved the Black Friday crowds yesterday, but I can't say they were bad at all. Got up at the leisurely hour of 9am and then met up with my cousin and her husband for a trip to Babies R Us. We got there at 11:30 and I got their doorbuster $150 glider in espresso -- so the first thing for the baby's nursery has been purchased! Other than that, Black Friday was a bust, but I was pleased with the glider.

And that is about all that's up with me. I'm pretty boring, but I'm trying..... Maybe I'll become more exciting in the next few weeks!

It's a....

BOY!!!

Well, there's a 6% chance she was wrong, but I saw the bits.

Baby is healthy and busy, hiccuping and twisting all over the place. Has a mild obsession with his hands....they must taste good and look pretty....not that he has his eyes open or anything.

Neuchal fold was 2.5 mm, which is at the upper end of normal, but more normal for a later NT scan like mine.

It was so good to finally see this baby looking like a baby. DH was totally enthralled with it, amazed that we had hands and feet and that they moved like a human. And when he found out it was a boy, I don't think I've seen him look happier. :) Such a relief to know that he finally realized what was happening and was finally "with" me.

Anyway, that's my update! Here's a pic.....

Time Consuming New Home

I had no idea how much work was involved in new construction until we finally moved in....to our beautiful, spotless new home that was twice the size of our rental townhome, had no blinds at all, no garage door opener, and dirt for a backyard.

I think I've spent every waking moment unpacking, ordering things, or waiting around for delivery truck drivers. Insanity! Baby is definitely taking a backseat to all of this madness. I am 13 weeks 1 day today, and aside from some obnoxious "stretching" pains, all is well.....well enough that I can help hang blinds and fight with fencing contractors. I tell you what, I'm Psycho Bitch these days! ;) I blame it on the hormones.....

I hate to say that there's not much going on for exercising. 3-4 times a week at work, I jump on the elliptical or spin bike and go for 50 minutes of aerobic work. I watch Caesar Milan and enjoy the only time during the day when I don't feel like crap. I'm still expanding by about a pound a week, and truthfully, I cannot stop it. The weight gain is like a freaking freight train! I'd dearly love to eat healthy, but I've removed aspartame and other artificial sweeteners from my diet...the staple of "diet" food items that I've been living by for the past four years. I also have wrotten acid reflux that prevents me from eating things that are too acidic no matter how low cal they are. AND I have to constantly shovel food into my mouth, because if I don't, the nausea is just as bad as ever. How 'bout them excuses??

Today I should have gotten up for a run, but I am whooped. Absolutely exhausted from everything we've been doing. On the agenda for today? Cancelling the fence contractor's check (he is giving me the heebie geebies....I'm going to write checks to the neighbors instead), heading to the mall to buy some maternity work pants so I don't feel quite so fat, and back to the grocery store to feed my milk obsession. Aren't you terribly jealous of my very exciting day?

I'll update Wednesday after our NT scan. Hopefully all is well and the blob will look like a real baby. :)

Hobbling Along

I'm pleased to report that I attempted to run once more this weekend. The weather has changed here in Colorado. It is cold, and time to whip out the pants and the ear warmers.... Jogging weather!

Unfortunately, we moved into our new house on Wednesday, and each subsequent night we made copious trips to the storage unit. Yours truly tweaked her upper back lifting a 10 lb box out of the car, and every minute since then has been torture.

Alas, I still thought a run was all I needed to feel better.

Wrong! Hey, it was a valiant effort, at least. I went 10 minutes up the road and decided that it hurt too much to hold my arms up. All that jumping up and down really killed my back. So I cried, then walked the rest of the way home dejectedly. (Oh, except when I came within eyesight of my street -- I sucked it up and ran straight to my driveway because I can't have the neighbors thinking I am a walker) Endurance wise, I think I'm still doing fine. Baby isn't making running that hard, and my legs felt strong. I was so bummed that my back of all things halted this glorious potential run.

Today, I attempted to do 50 minutes on the elliptical. Of course, 3 rotations in, I decided that it hurt my back way too much to tolerate, so I headed over to the spin bike and did a solid 40 minutes of intervals. I miss training so much! The only time in the day when I actually don't feel like crap is when I am exercising. I seriously should do it twice a day....except it makes me ravenous!

Oh, speaking of that, I seriously have a major tapeworm. I tried to deal with it today sensibly, but I did the math and it still was an abysmal attempt. I started out the day with a Carnation Instant Breakfast....one cup of milk, one packet of mix, and one tablespoon of peanut butter with ice. Yum!!! Then I had 2 whole wheat mini bagels at work that I shoved in my mouth at regular intervals so as not to yack, along with my 1 cup of coffee with 50 calories of creamer with it. (I'm creating a hardy child here -- no weaning off the coffee for me!) Then I had a string cheese. A 90 calorie granola bar. Lunch was a Weight Watchers ravioli, followed by a small apple sauce cup because I was getting desperate. I ended the work day with a regular Yoplait yogurt (I've weaned off the aspartame -- I'm going for an anatomically normal kiddo)....and then came home and had 3 holes in one! (You know, white bread with a hole in the middle.....cook the egg in it) 3 whole eggs. 3 slices of white bread. Holy crap! That's like.....10 points at least. Not to mention the margerine.

I'm so screwed.

Next appointment is on Wednesday. They switched it from the girl doctor to the guy doctor, so I am a little skeeved out. Thankfully DH will be there so I won't feel so creepy, but I'm still a bit bugged out by it all. And pissed I don't get another ultrasound!

Work is incredibly stressful and I still have a ton of crap to do with this house. I ordered blinds, but they won't arrive for another week. The couch also comes in 2 weeks. Need to buy a new flatscreen TV, since our 32 inch old school TV is pathetic in our huge living room. And then DH started in on the nursery....I never thought he'd bring it up himself, but suddenly he's Martha Stewart! I can see we may have a fight on our hands for the theme.

Oh, to top off all my extreme happiness, we met with the CFO today and my boss decided to tell him I was pregnant. Oh, gee, thanks for offering that little tidbit up. I bet he's really happy to learn about more lost productivity in the company.

Well, with that, I shall take my cranky butt to bed. 8:20.....How sad is that?

Where is this famed 2nd Trimester you all speak of? I'm 11 w 2 days today. Take away my nausea and give me a blast of energy! I'm ready!