Taking the Reins

Tough Mudder Colorado

2011-06-27T18:57:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was a busy one in our household. Not only did D get ear tube surgery to fix some nasty recurring ear infections on Friday night, but on Saturday afternoon, I attempted the Tough Mudder adventure race in Beaver Creek.

Insane? Yes. Not only did I feel terrible leaving my infant with my parents while I headed up to the mountains, but I also felt incredibly stupid for showing up to this event woefully underprepared. Had I done Insanity and P90X videos with my coworkers at lunchtime a few times a week? Sure. Did I knock off 4 and 5 mile runs on the weekdays? Yep. But that was about the extent of it. The race advertised itself as initially being 8 miles long. Then a week before the race it was 9 miles. And then the day of, we heard that it was 10. *10* miles. Seriously, I have never run more than 8 because I've never raced for more than a 10K and would rather spend that time biking or swimming.

So as you can see, there were several physical factors that had me quaking in my dirty old sneakers. I had no idea if I could do this. To top it off, I am claustrophobic AND afraid of heights. Watching YouTube videos of the SoCal race practically gave me a panic attack. People at work asked me why I signed up. Peer pressure.

We arrived in Beaver Creek at 10am and parked at the event hotel, the Park Hyatt, where we made reservations for the night. (Brilliant idea, it turns out) There, I changed into my race attire, applied sunscreen, and then checked my bags. DH and I went to our respective packet pickup table -- he as a spectator and I as a crazy victim. Got my number, then decided to just get body-marked on the arm as I was wearing a hat and didn't happen to have any acetone on me for after the race.

I met up with my team -- 6 coworkers and their 2 friends -- and we stood around watching people get electrocuted by the "Electroshock Therapy" obstacle at the end of the race. Truly, we were all terrified and wanting to murder Brian, whose brilliant idea it was to enter this race.

As a last minute decision, we opted to sneak into an earlier wave and get this over with. It was 11:40 at the time and we wouldn't get to go until 12:40, so we lined up with the 12pmers and started in on the Tough Mudder Pledge. (I know, so bad -- I am normally not a rule-breaker, but again, peer pressure) At any rate, I gave my hubby a kiss on the cheek and told him to keep his cell phone handy because there was no way in hell I was going to make it through the course. And with that, the gun went off and the Braveheart Charge commenced.

We were lined up on a pretty steep mountain slope heading downhill, so we all slowly trudged down waiting our turn to run. The course took a turn through the Village and then headed up some steep slopes towards the first obstacle, the Berlin Wall. It's advertised at 12 feet, but probably more like 10. Regardless, with no upper body strength and a fear of heights, I was not only petrified, but screwed. My teammates were great and gave me a leg up followed by a push. I was able to get my arms up over the top and then swing my legs over....but then I made the mistake of grabbing the top and then flinging myself down, pounding my lower back in the process. Ouch?!!

We kept climbing until we got to the Boa Constrictor, a series pipes that empty into a pool of water that you have to climb into and back out of. Being claustrophobic, I dreaded this obstacle above all else. Brian stayed back with me and made the educated decision to observe all the tunnels and noted that the tunnel on the far right didn't empty into very much water at all. So, I sucked it up and went through.....and I did it! I was just so proud of myself. Everyone was cracking up because it was a bit of a non-event obstacle for them, but for me, it got the adrenaline pumping and made me quite proud of myself.

We then were able to traverse the mountain a bit, so we got a chance to run again for maybe a 1/2 mile through some gorgeous stands of Aspen. We had a few wood obstacles and some mud to maneuver through, and then we got to the "Kiss of Mud," which was the mud pit with barbed wire strewn over the top. Ouch! Lacking the upper body strength to drag my legs over the rocks and mud like all the guys, I just crawled and took breaks for my knees in between the barbed wire. (There was regular wire that didn't hurt to press up against) I was so glad to get out of this obstacle, until we realized that the next obstacle was the freaking dip in the 36 degree mountain pond.

I've never done a Polar Bear swim. In fact, my coldest swim was a wetsuit-protected 56 degrees up in Santa Barbara. Like a lemming, I jumped right in and wow! did my heart stop. It was so freaky, but one of the guys in front of me talked us all through it, saying that it does some crazy things to your heart but we had to keep breathing and moving forward. I have had palpitations in the past, so this really freaked me out...but before I knew it, we were out of the pond.

I thought we were in the clear of the freezing cold water until I saw the next mountain pond, complete with three rows of barrels we were expected to swim under. No problem! I got it this time. Into the water I went, and I was under the first barrel easily. Unfortunately, I was on the end towards the center of the pond and quickly found myself WAY over my head. I panicked at this point, despite years of open water swims under my belt. I was concerned with submerging myself without having the bottom of the pond to launch myself back up, so I did the smart thing for me and swam around the remaining two barrels. I was relieved that nobody questioned my decision -- I knew it was the safest thing for me to do, and since there were no lifeguards anywhere near me, I don't regret it one bit. I took the help getting me out of this pond, gladly received my foil blanket, and then proceeded uphill to the "Hold Your Wood" obstacle.

At this point, I was cold and wondering how the heck I was going to keep this up! And when I came across the logs and there was nothing but massive ones left, I was a bit defeated......Until I met my new best friend, who asked if I wanted to share a big log! So this lovely stranger and I commenced the Hold Your Wood loop, with our big ol' man log. We dropped it a few times and took some breathers here and there, but overall we finished the damn thing and were glad to be done with our log. Imagine our shock when people decided to carry a log to the end of the course for no apparent reason other than to torture themselves for the full 10 miles?!

So I think at this point we were at mile 3. And we ran.....and ran.....and ran.....until we hit the Chernobyl Jacuzzi. I had no idea what the actual obstacle was because all I saw was a ramp. And then someone asked if I wanted red, green, or blue. Well, I was wearing blue, so Blue!! So up the ramp I went and then I realized the damn tank was filled with ice cubes and water. Dyed blue. SHIT!!!!! But like the good lemming that I am, I jumped in, dove under the bar, and then jumped up as fast as I could. Somehow it didn't seem as cold as the mountain pond. Shocker, eh? I have to admit, I'm still finding blue on my body.

After that is sort of a blur. I think we started a really big downhill run, so I enjoyed chatting with everyone and getting a breather from the obstacles. At one point we hit mile 4 and I decided that maybe I was going to finish after all?!

Then the uphill insanity commenced. And boy, was it crazy! The steepest damn ski slopes they could come up with -- we were literally going from foothold to foothold, and sometimes the easiest way up was to go diagonally. I was winded and my feet were cramping, but somehow I made it. We got a nice traverse of the mountain again where we could run, and then the uphill started again. But this time it was strewn with obstacles --- firemen nailing us with hoses as we maneuvered through sloppy mud and jumped hay bales, crawling under cargo nets while climbing huge mountains of icy snow. The Mud Mile, where we blindly jumped into rock and log-strewn mud pits, twisting ankles and cursing the day we signed up for the race. It was all exposed to the sun and wind, and was an overall miserable segment of the race. I fell behind my teammates a bit here and was generally not enjoying life.

We finally hit the summit and were done with the uphills. Woohoo!! So we ran the rest of the way, and shockingly this wasn't too bad. The quads held up well, the foot and calf cramping stopped, and we were able to knock off some time. The obstacles on the back end of the course were pretty tough -- 3 more Berlin Walls, which totally kicked my butt but somehow I managed to get my rear pushed over the top of all of them; the cargo net that I nearly ate it on as it sent me upside down and perpendicular to the ground until I got over the top of it; and this weird tunnel crawl through a long tunnel. I didn't think I'd be able to do the latter, but by this point, I figured it couldn't be worse than what I'd already done. And it wasn't!

Heading back towards the ski village, we first had to run down a steep slope (the "Slalom") and then commenced the spraying in the mud before going down the Greased Lightening Slip n' Slide. I saw DH and he got great shots of our team as we all took headers down the slide and into the muddy pond awaiting us. I climbed over the hay bale and then we had to get down off this icy snow mound....so I followed the guy in front of me and sat down for a "slide." Um, this was incredibly stupid. I am sporting the biggest welts on the sides of my hips you could possibly imagine. It is seriously disgusting. I think this was the very worst obstacle solely based on the intense pain it subjected me to.

After the slide of doom, we entered the Monkey bar area. Having no upper body strength, I decided it would be safer to just jump in straight up rather than attempt one or two bars and then fall from a higher height into the mud. This worked well for me -- I bailed with another female teammate and we waded to the "shore" without too much stress.

The finish line was in site -- but there was Everest. The guys had no problems with it and were able to run up and hoist themselves to the top, no problem. I was the last one left behind, so I ran as fast as I could until I got 3 steps from the top....then my calf cramp and the forward momentum just stopped. I threw my hands out and my teammates caught me. For a minute I was worried they would drop me back down, but thankfully they hoisted me up and I was done. Phew!

The last obstacle was the shock therapy, and to be honest, you could have done anything to me at this point because I would have done anything to be DONE! All I wanted was a nice warm shower and then bedtime.

So we waited in line for this obstacle, decided to go in rows of 3, and off we went within a few seconds of eachother. I was lucky and Aaron in front of me took the biggest blows. I got shocked a bit in my calf, but nothing earth-shattering. :) We ran a few more yards and then finished, eager to get our silly orange headbands so that we could join this cultish order of daredevil fitness freaks and their fearless brethren.

I have to admit, this is my first finish line where I felt relief moreso than excitement. I really, truly doubted myself in this race. I was afraid of nearly everything, so I really didn't know if I could do it. But somehow I managed to put my fears aside, put my head down, and get it done. And now I can not only say I ran my first 10-miler (okay, we probably only ran 5), but I am a freaking Tough Mudder. Had I stayed a "serious" triathlete, I never would have signed up for this for fear of injuring myself and ruining the season, so I guess things do happen for a reason.

My teammates were exceptional and I couldn't have asked to be surrounded by better people. My co-racers were amazingly supportive and kind. I'm not a svelte little girl, but that didn't matter-- they helped me anyway. There were lots of high fives and way-to-gos the entire way, and I really enjoyed the atmosphere. Yes, triathletes are friendly, too, but Tough Mudders will stop and help you out if you are in trouble.

Overall, I am happy I did the race. My battle wounds make me look like DH laid down the law and threw me down a flight of stairs, and my right knee is a swollen mess, but I think it's all fixable. I now have bragging rights, a closer bond with my crazy coworkers and partners in crime, and a clear sense that I really can do anything if I want it bad enough.

The race was surprisingly well-run when all was said and done. The venue was phenomenal, the obstacles were solid and well-built, the aid stations were well-stocked with cold water and fresh bananas, and the race-day registration was easy peasy. DH enjoyed the roped off area with all the food vendors -- I think he ate his way through the afternoon. The bag check was pretty awesome, although I didn't have to use it. I just wish there had been some showers at the end, because a lot of people drove in from Denver and those hoses while fully-clothed just don't do the job at cleaning you. Must have been an uncomfortable drive home! But they will get there....clearly this company has caught on to the need for events like this in the US, and they will only get better with time if they keep listening to the criticisms constructively.

My biggest criticism? Well, it was my first time away from the baby since he was 3 months old (a year ago, nearly!) and I was too mangled to really get to enjoy that time away with the hubs. Thanks for the excellent birth control, Tough Mudder. :)

One Year

2011-04-25T18:36:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow evening, at 8:12pm, Derek will have been with us for a year. A whole year! I feel a mixture of pride, sadness, and serious denial when I start to process this. I can't say I knew half of what I was getting myself into a year ago today when I was desperate to NOT be pregnant anymore. I downed several cartons of spicey Chinese food and a Pu Pu Platter. My mother forced me to eat 3 of her incredibly potent "Labor Cookies." I walked several miles, even running down my street in the end for good measure.

I was impatient, but I had no idea of the road that lay ahead. Pain. Massive sleep deprivation. Depression. Questioning. More pain. Stress. Marital discord. Family drama. Tears. Hope. Promise. Devotion. Smiles. Smirks. Laughter. Raspberries. Hugs. Kisses. Tugs. Falls. First Steps. Happiness. Completeness.

I'm full circle in a year. Derek has brought a sense of family to our small family of 2 + cat, and the new reality isn't a sacrifice after all. We're meant to be together. A year with Derek has shown me that despite all the initial battles I had with this new sense of family, I no longer doubt that this was what we were meant to do in life. He is the perfect combination of DH and I. A super type A with a gentle side....mischievous, loving, and fun. He doesn't talk yet, but he is running laps around our house, can feed himself with a spoon, is nearly converted to all sippy cups and whole milk. He has grown up right before our eyes!

Driving to get him from daycare tonight, I felt anxious. But then again, I feel anxious every night when I return to him. It's true when they say that having a child means having your heart reside outside of your body. I almost feel pain without him around, but as soon as I pick him up, my heart is complete again. It was soooo corny the first time I heard it. And then when Derek was born, I still thought it was a total load of crap. But a year later? I subscribe.

So while reminiscing tonight and fighting back tears, I'm filled with amazement at this gorgeous little guy. I know that the next year will be a new, wonderful adventure and even though it doesn't involve triathlon (but it does involve the Tough Mudder!), I think it will be one of my best years yet. :)

Happy Birthday, Baby D. You make me proud!

Men

2011-02-09T19:59:00.000-08:00

The day you become a mother, some gene in your distant chemical make up must switch on. It not only turns on, but it goes into overdrive, and despite your best intentions to NOT be run by instinct and to rule with a calm head, somehow this crazy Mom Gene hijacks your damn brain and settles in for a long, long time.

You can distinguish the cry of your infant in a sea of babies. You can be in a sound sleep one moment, and halfway down the hallway in another, without even knowing what it was that woke you up and sent you sprinting.

Whenever somebody messes up with your child, you have an overwhelming urge to take over completely and never let them be in that situation ever again.

When you are so sick you can barely stand or you accidentally take Tylenol PM in the middle of the day, you still have a sense of "must take care of the child at all costs." Even if it means you will never, ever recover. Or that you will always, always catch whatever it is said child is sick with.

It is this stupid gene, tragically, that men lack. And the longer you are a mother, the more apparent it becomes that they really are from another freaking planet. One where they hunt, copulate, and admire themselves while the women protect the future of the species. Women may claim to have found a man who treats their child the same way they do, but I'm calling bullshit right now. Impossible! They care. They may even attempt to help. But mom = nuture, and despite my best attempts at sharing that role, it has become increasingly obvious that DH is just doing the best that he can and the ultimate survival and well-being of my son is totally up to me!

Sorry, just a little rant after reading about sick familieis....and more Dads who whine in beds with fevers while the equally sick mother cares for the sick kids. The equally sick mother who consequently makes more money than said Dad and already worked an insanely hard and stressful day at work.

:) I wouldn't be opposed to tweaking this genome some day.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T08:37:00.000-08:00

What a year it has been. Not a stellar one for blogging.....or triathlon....or weight loss for that matter, but a stellar one nonetheless.

A year ago today, DH and I were totally unaware of how our lives were going to change. We didn't think we had enough time in the day to do the things we did. I was complaining about being pregnant and "tired" all the time. We didn't care about our budget. We were coasting, I guess you could say. We stayed up until midnight to ring in the New Year -- in fact, I think we may have even gone out for dinner?

Not so much this past year. New Year's was spent nursing a sick baby, cooking dinner, and re-caulking the bathroom. I kid you not -- what a difference a year makes.

Last year we welcomed Derek into our lives, and he is a spitfire. We love him more and more every day, and each and every day is a new adventure that gives us interesting perspectives on the things we used to overlook or take for granted. We've become masters of multitasking. We've discovered patience where we never knew it existed. We've tested our relationship in more ways than we should and we still spring right back to eachother. We've experienced loss and we've also been a part of some healing. We've sacrificed hobbies, but we've also learned to balance and find joy in other tasks.

I've grown up a lot in the past year. My dreams now don't involve finish lines and being a svelte little athlete -- I'd like to reach those goals some day -- but they involve learning to walk, family camping and hiking trips, and the possibility of brothers and sisters. It's amazing what a year will do.

Next year, I'm setting a few goals that I hope I'll be able to keep. First is Weight Watchers-- I am determined to make it stick and get rid of this baby weight. I'd also like to find a way to fit my tri team into life, but also find enough time to spend it with Derek as he continues to grow up and learn every day. I'd like to be better about documenting his childhood....for so long I just wanted him to "grow up" and out of the infant stage, that I lost site of all the amazing changes that were happening within him. So I need to start writing more and taking more pictures. And I'm also reforming our budget. We're going to eliminate our student loan debt and our second mortgage within the next 4 years.....if we stay disciplined, we will set ourselves up to have a stellar future.

So with that, welcome 2011. I learned my lessons in 2010, so let me have some fun this year as I start to embrace this whole "Mom" thing, but to also let me keep the real Me. Happy New Year!

Well, I never.....

2010-11-25T06:58:00.000-08:00

....thought I'd start a Thanksgiving morning:

at 5am

with the words, "don't lick that, that's gross"

and a dancey dance to Yo, Gabba Gabba!

My, how things can change in one short year.

Am sitting on the computer, watching Derek mess around in his crib on the monitor when he should be sleeping. My dough for the Thanksgiving buns is resting and rising. DH is still sound asleep, and the cat is getting his turn with his Mum. I desperately need to run and shower, but at this point, it's not looking so good for the run!

Things on the home and work front are settling down. While I'm getting passed over for a promotion yet again this year, I'm just thankful to still have a job and still have respect around the company. I've come to terms with the fact that Derek will never settle into a set schedule....but I still hold out hopes that daycare will turn things around. I literally have 5 different baby books that talk about scheduling and sleep, and so far, all of them have been wrong with MY baby. So I call crap on all of it. I'm going to put this out there - like people, all babies are different. And mine is super special.

Have started up with a run coach. She's very sweet, but the plans are pretty basic and feedback thus far has been more supportive than I am looking for. I do like her, so I am hopeful I can stick to her plan and start to see some results. Thus far, my run fitness is just catastrophic. Between running with the baby, on the hills of my neighborhood, into the wind, in the cold.....well, suffice it to say I'm about as slow as you can get without walking. Something's got to give! I'm doing Insanity workouts at work 2 times a week now, which are quite literally "insane." And I'm still doing a P90X workout once a week as well. Am I losing weight?

Ha! Ha hahahahahahahahaha...... Never!

But I'll figure this out one day, too.

Until then, I'm off to commence Turkey Day activities. This nap does not look promising, so to the screaming teething monster I go.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sleep Regression

2010-11-08T18:55:00.000-08:00

Everyone told me that once baby turned 12 weeks, he'd be "STTN." That's internet for "sleeping through the night." And sure enough, he hit that milestone early! 8 weeks, and we were sleeping from 8:00pm - 5:30am. It was fantastic.

But then I started reading about the "4 Month Wakeful." It's this scary beast of a time where the ex-perfect baby becomes raging nighttime psychopath and makes you want to pull even more of your already-shedding-like-a-yeti hair out of your head. We hit this at 4 1/2 months. And while it sucked, it was more like a wake up at 2:30am in addition to the 5:30. So, while tiring, it was doable.

Enter 6 months. A fabulous time in the life of baby. He is super interactive. When you ask him questions, sometimes he figures out how to answer with a movement or a look. He makes all sorts of weird sounds that I guess constitute combinations of vowels and consonants, but really, all I think is that my child is going to blow raspberries solely until he is 20. He eats all sorts of crazy purees, like broccoli, peas, and pears....with whole grain rice cereals and oatmeals and dissolvable crackers called "Mum Mums." He laughs constantly and is a master at finding spare skin on your face and pulling it every which way. He basically cracks his shiz up.

But 6 months must be tough on the brain, because not more than 2 days later, the worst night of my life ensues. Down to bed at 7:30pm. Up screaming at 8pm. 9pm. 10pm. 11pm. But he won't be comforted at 11pm, so we have to feed him a bottle, then keep him up for an hour so he will get sleepy enough to go back down again. Then DH takes over so I get a breather, but then....2:30am, 3am, 4am, 5am, 6am. Does he have a freaking alarm clock he's hiding from me? I very nearly lost my freaking mind.

Never been a fan of cosleeping, but after the 6am wake up, I grabbed him out of his crib and took him to the daybed in the guest room, and just held him as he flailed and cried until he fell asleep. And we slept for 2 whole hours. Because I was that exhausted.

Now, the subsequent nights haven't been as bad, but they've sucked all the same. Some nights he screams an hour after I put him down, then 2 hours later, then 2 hours after that. Other nights, he just flails all around until you have to go in to insert his pacifier to calm him the eff down. And last night, he slept straight through the night for the first time in weeks. I'm not holding out any hope of a repeat.

But boy, are those sleep regressions hard! He's oblivious to them, but they kill me, especially when I am working the 12 and 13-hour days that I have been. I read a lot of blogs where people say that even though you are working and have a baby, you should never have an excuse to not exercise or train. I'm calling bullshit right now. If you couple a husband who works nights with my work schedule and my sleep-regression-riddled child.....well, perhaps you would understand why I am now in the worst shape of my life.

Quite frankly? I'm lost. My social life four years ago centered around triathlon and my friends on my team. I didn't have those friends when I moved to Colorado, but I did still have the training and the sport. Now?? I can't even find the time to go on a run. And when I have the time? I've had 3 1/2 hours of sleep and opt to get 1 more. It's a sorry state of affairs, but my body calls the shots.

Surely I would have known about this before having a child, right? Ha! I didn't even have a friend who had a kid, really. I was the first! So no, I didn't realize life would come to a crashing halt post-baby. But I know that I will crawl out of this hole one of these days. Until then, I shall continue to kvetch, particularly when we go through these horrific regressions.

Hard to be mad at this face for not sleeping, though.....

Thanks in advance of thanks

2010-10-11T20:17:00.000-07:00

Wow. Just found a blast from my past. How crazy is that? An "ex" if you want to even call him that. Still arrogant. Heavier and uglier. Happily married with family.

Made me think....how lucky am I??

I have a beautiful baby boy who gets cuter and cuter every day. His smile and laugh are contagious, and he brightens the room when he enters it. I think the day he says "mama" is seriously going to melt my heart.

I have an amazing husband. My polar opposite in many ways. After baby, everything is more passionate -- in arguments, I hate him far more than ever....but I also love him deeper as well. A tradeoff? But he's an excellent partner in life, and I really lucked out. AND he's improved with age. Hot damn!

Anyway, just thought I'd get it all out there.

Work is starting to get insane, so I've had to cut down on the pumping. Only twice a day now. I feel incredibly guilty for shifting my little man to formula, but he doesn't seem to be doing too poorly on it. And now I have time for life -- 4 hours+ a day of pumping was just not fun!

On the plus side, it's helped me lose 3 lbs in a week. I'm hoping for some more rapid weight loss as this pumping stops completely.

And to end, a few photos of my little munchkin. He's too cute!

Something Special

2010-09-21T19:40:00.001-07:00

Five years ago, I was a lowly analyst in a going-nowhere job, working for a slightly psychotic boss and going about my day wondering how to turn things around. I had no substantial work experience, I didn't know what I wanted to "do," and I had just moved out of my parents house and in with my fiance.

Every morning, the Chief Development Officer at our company, Al, would walk by my cube with his cup of coffee and say "hello." He had a towering presence and his footsteps could be heard long before he was seen. He was in his late fifties, with grey hair and a stern countenance about him. Frankly, he scared the pants off of me, yet I said hello in return......every morning, for six months.

In my sixth month of misery, my current boss pulled me into his office one day with a strange look on his face. To my surprise, Al had approached him regarding me. He found out I had my MBA, and was wondering if I could do some work for him while his analyst was out on maternity leave and he sent her replacement to another office in Boston. This prospect terrified me, as I didn't know anything outside of Corporate Research. But my boss insisted, saying that working for one of the "Top 5" in our company was going to be good for the both of us!

So I walked into Al's office, his computer and head facing away from me as he summoned me in. My first memories of working for him mainly involve the back of his head. "Find me the basis on the Orange County project!" The basis? What the hell is a basis?

I frantically walked from cube to cube in my office, asking people if they knew what a "basis" was. Come to find out, it's what Accounting has on the Books as the total cost of a project. I was like, "why didn't he just say total cost?" So eventually, I returned to him with the basis on the project. To which he responded with, "did you find out what the GMAX was?"

G-wha?

Well, you get the point. I was thrown into a world of things I didn't know, and I was expected to know them, so I got really good at finding my allies and getting the things I needed in order to keep him satisfied. I did my best to up-manage him, keeping him reminded of important dates on deals, taking good notes so I could have him check up on items with his direct reports across the country.....I even shuttled him around Denver to pick up and hide his Harley. Things were crazy.

At one point, he was given an additional title --"President" -- and was asked to relocate to Washington, DC to rule the roost from the Arlington office. My then-fiance and I were petrified of what this meant. Would he want me to move with him? It was exciting, yet at the same time, we didn't want to leave Colorado!

Sure enough, one morning at the Egg & I, Al put it out on the table. Would I be his analyst and move to Washington with him? He emphasized that I had a steep learning curve and that I wasn't perfect, but that he enjoyed working with me and thought it would be a good experience for me. I was so torn at this point, because DH loved his flight instructor job in Colorado and desperately wanted to stay.

So Al proposed 3 things. The first was a massive pay raise, effective immediately. The second was an all-expense paid trip to DC, staying in Reston, Foggy Bottom, and Pentagon City to decide if we wanted to live there. And the third was dinner at his house with his wife and daughter, so we could all get to know each other better.

The first was hugely tempting. We had student loans, there wasn't much leftover after paying rent, and we didn't have much in savings at all.

The second was a blast --- we stayed in Ritz Carlton's, ate fabulous dinners, and looked at tons of places to live. While we didn't love it, we decided that we could survive.

And the third was the best part. We met his wife and daughter, had a wonderful dinner, and DH decided that Al was the type of person worth changing your life for. He said that he had a "presence" about him. So hard to describe, but he was just a special person who you KNEW was much greater than anybody else. It would be silly to turn him down.

Of course, we didn't. We followed him, I became his analyst, and an insane 2 years followed as I learned more than I ever thought possible. Not only did I learn the technical stuff by digging around and begging from people, but Al taught me how to manage people. He proclaimed himself to be a bad manager, but this could not be farther from the truth. He led by example, and he set the very best. He was dedicated to his work, not because he had to be, but because he loved it. He was passionate about deals and negotiations. We'd get into a conference room, sit around a spider phone, and he would just light up as he expertly guided the conversations. His enthusiasm was contagious.

He kept a sense of humor about everything, shot straight from the hip, tolerated no bullshit, and expected your very best. He valued and trusted your opinion, empowered you to make decisions on his behalf, and genuinely cared about each and every person he worked with. Once you gained his trust, you were "family."

I left Al a little earlier than I should have, but it enabled me to spend time in California, where I met so many amazing people. But Al never left my life......on trips back to DC, I'd do dinner with him and his family. He'd come out for lunch and dinner in California, and sometimes, DH could even come along and enjoy his company. When the economy started to slow, he was my sounding board when I told him I was thinking of transferring back to Denver. And when I was back in Denver, he continued to keep in touch with me and listen to what I had to say.

3 weeks ago, Al came out to Denver and invited me to lunch. We went to his old haunt from the Denver days, J Alexander's, and he told me he wanted to see my hubby and Derek. So DH and the baby showed up at lunchtime and we had an amazing time catching up. He was so happy, and looked great, too. Things were picking up at work, he was coming off a relaxing vacation, and it seemed his wife and daughter were doing really well, too. Al gave me some amazing career advice and really boosted my confidence when he told me I was too bright to be where I am right now; leave it to Al to throw me a bone when I desperately needed it.

I'm just devastated to report that on Friday night, Al passed away suddenly. Several of my coworkers from VA called me on Saturday morning to relay the news, and it really took a while for it to sink in. I'd always imagined him retiring. This was never something I'd considered -- he was invincible! Made of steel! Al was a presence that you always thought was going to be there.

Yet his body decided to leave life the same way Al lived it.....fast and on his own terms. In the mountains of Montana, at sunset, surrounded by friends after a relaxing week of riding his motorcycle. He was laughing, and then he just closed his eyes and was gone.

I never told Al how much he meant to me. I never told him that he saved me from that first job. That he influenced the way I think about our industry. That his leadership style inspires me to this day to treat my direct reports the same way he treated me. That his sharing his family with me in DC while DH was still in CO really helped keep me sane. That the support he continued to give me, emotionally and professionally, after I left him made me feel strong, self assured, and capable. That I loved him like a father. And I'd give anything to be able to give him another bear hug and tell him this to his face. Because he was THAT extraordinary of a person. And he touched me, and my husband....so very much.

Driving home tonight, I still felt in denial that he was gone. And the ache in my heart returned, knowing that I'd never be able to talk to him again, or see that trouble making smirk, or hear his silly "at the usual and customary tone" voicemail message. But I looked at where I was, and realized, "Al developed this entire business park." And he did. So crazy, but back in the 70's, he'd put together the land development plan for the very road and area I was driving through. So in a way, I see him every day, in the work that he did.....and I can just imagine the excitement he felt when he inked that deal, got approval from the City, and watched it grow.

The funny thing about all this? There are dozens of people who could write a similar story about Al. About how he changed their life for the better. I cannot even begin to say what an extraordinary man he was, or what an impact he made. But this girl misses him terribly, and just hopes that if he's up there looking down on her, he knows how special he was.

Al, I love you. Tim loves you. And I hope one day Derek will look back on the photos you took together and know that this was the man who made his parents who they are today.

Back at Iron Girl....feels like home

2010-09-02T21:00:00.000-07:00

Iron Girl Boulder Race Report

My, what a long, strange trip it’s been. I don’t think I’ve written a proper race report in years – at least, not since I left my “Tridivas” and started anew in Colorado. Since then, I’m definitely not the same athlete I was when I left. I’ve had a knee surgery that kept me out of commission for a few months, 9 months of pregnancy, and a pretty terrible post-partum recovery.

At four months after the birth of my son, I entered Iron Girl Boulder on the least amount of training I’ve ever had: one mock triathlon 3 weeks prior, one 25-mile bike ride, a few runs on the treadmill and around the neighborhood with the stroller, and 3 days a week of P90X over the lunch hour. Insanity! Yet I still wanted to race, because somehow I needed to prove to myself that I still had it in me.

I got up at 3am, and this time, instead of throwing on my clothes, grabbing a cup of coffee, and running out the door, I had a little more prepwork involved. In order to squeeze the girls into my faithful Fiona, I had to pump for 20 minutes first! Never in a million years did I ever think….. Well, I got out the door around 3:55am, and arrived at Boulder Reservoir at 5am. Parked the car, grabbed my gear, and then checked in at the tent where I got my timing chip and bib. You know you’ve been there and done that when you skip the swag tent!

I set my things up into transition pretty quickly – not a great rack placement at all, but since I didn’t come up the day before, this was what I had to work with. After setting up, hitting the porta potties, and checking out the swim course, I headed back to the car to….you guessed it….pump one more time so that I continued to comfortably fit into Fiona until after the race.

After my pump break, I was back in transition to chat with the coaches from my old team, hang out with my old college pals, and chat up the girls from work who were doing the race. 4 people in total I was going to try to beat. On no training.

At 6:50am, they cleared us out of transition and encouraged us to go down to the swim beach. I sat on the grass and put my wetsuit on, then went into the practice area and swam for a minute….yep, I can still swim. I then lined up with my wave, and before I knew it, I was staring down the first buoy.

The swim was short – under 500 meters, so I knew it was going to be a real gut-buster because everyone would be sprinting the entire way. I lined up in the second row, and when the Aflac duck went off, I just went for it. Stupidly!!! By the first buoy, the people in back were starting to catch up, and they were grabbing, kicking, clutching….you name it. It was the roughest swim I’ve ever hard, aside from almost dying in the ocean at Pendleton. When I rounded the second buoy, I started to have a quasi-panic attack. My lack of swim training (hello, I stopped at 35 weeks pregnant and had one 800 meter swim under my belt from 3 weeks earlier!) really freaked me out when I looked at the shore and realized how far out I was. So I thought of a song – You’re So Gay by Katie Perry – and just sang it in my head….over and over and over. Somehow, I managed to come out of the water in a somewhat decent time. There was at least a 1-1.5 minute run up the beach to the timing mat, so I’d say I swam about a 1:40/100 meters?? Final time was 8:55 and put me just outside of the top 1/6^thswim times. Not as good as usual, but we’ll take it!

I ran into transition and had a pretty stellar transition for me. Sunglasses, helmet, shoes, bike….and out we went. I pressed start on my Garmin, crossed the mat, and then promptly ran into a girl who had stopped right outside the mat! I fell into my bike, stepping right in the middle of my tire spokes. Shit! I was stuck. I had to reach in, take my shoe off, then put it back on in order to get out of the tire spoke. I moved my bike to a corner of the road, then proceeded to get on, but when I clipped in, there was no resistance! I looked down, and my chain was hanging off the front gears. Geeze!!! So I tried to back pedal and get it to catch, but my first attempt failed. Fortunately for me, the second attempt was a success, and over 2 minutes after this whole ordeal happened, I was on my merry way.

The course was 17.3 miles….the Boulder Sprint course, if I recall correctly. It’s a slow uphill to Highway 36 and to Neva Rd., but then a blazing fast downhill for the majority of the ride. I did the course 5 weeks after knee surgery last year in 1:01, so I knew I could finish on minimal training. How fast?? Well, that was certainly a good question. I got passed quite a bit heading up to Highway 36 – stuck at 14 mph, and secretly cursing my lack of conditioning. Granted, I did my fair share of passing, but I expected that considering most of the field started before me!

I managed to spot my cousin Kristen and her hubby Greg coming down from their apartment off 36^th, so I waved to them and told them this was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. J Then I motored off and that’s when the downhill started. I was holding 26mph the entire time, and it was a great feeling. Lots of farmland, horses, and shade along the course --- it made me happy that I’d decided to do this race, because I do love the bike. And I had fun changing positions with another racer the entire bike ride. She was a solid climber and downhill rider, but sometimes she’d peter out and I’d pass her, but then she’d pass me right back 5 minutes later. I got her in the end, but she took off on the run and I never saw her again!

Coming back into transition, I was pleased with my time. Sub 56 minutes according to my Garmin. 58 minutes according to the race clock. Damn fall. Hooray for auto pause! My Garmin says my average was 18.3 mph for the course. You know what? I’m going to chalk that one up to “pretty damn good” on no training. I’ll take it!

I had a great transition – dumped my gear, put on socks, sneakers, grabbed my hat and race belt and just boogied out of transition. I felt strangely good at this point, so I ran up the hill and put my hat and belt on. And then I felt it. The shortness of breathe…… Lack of cardiovascular training. And then I had this mantra float into my head, “you are four months postpartum. You have an excuse!” And somehow I allowed that to justify my walking breaks. Yes, I did try to run off and on……but I kept telling myself that just being there was enough of an accomplishment, so that really took the desire to go until I vomited and squashed it. Friend from college #1 passed me right before the turnaround, and at that point, I decided to try to get my act in gear. She was 5 minutes behind me – how in the heck did I give up that much time? Shame on me! So I picked it up, and tried to run…..but it wasn’t pretty.

There’s something about pushing a baby out of you for 3 ½ hours that kind of makes it hard to run for a good long while. Your lower pelvis area feels as though it’s been kicked really hard; you feel as though if you continue, your insides will pour out of your gut! Yes, it’s that weird. So sometimes I get a little “gun shy,” if you will, and back off. So this is what happened in part during the last part of my race. My hips hurt, and I was out of breathe.

Yet I did manage to sprint the last 1/8^th of a mile to the finish line, and I still remember the rush of that “kick” I managed to find. The announcer said my name and I was like, “YES! I am BACK!” Of course, the race clock was at 2:06 or something ridiculous….people had finished before I even got to the run……so it wasn’t like a “yes, I am back and I am good” kind of exaltation. More of a “thank goodness I can bear children and still exercise! There is hope!”

No vomit at this finish line….and nobody there cheering me on, either, but I was okay with that. Grabbed my water, my disgusting Gatorade substitute (they had it on course and I barfed it up the whole way), and then headed for a little walk in the shade. Was joined by college friend #2, who I HAD managed to beat, but not by much, and only because she had an upper respiratory infection. We chatted for a while and then talked to her sister, who had beaten us by over 10 minutes….. and then I left them to go force myself to eat something….where I met up with the work girls. One had beaten me by 10 minutes, and I had managed to beat the other.

So, 2 out of 4….could’ve been worse, right? I was something like 50/120 in my age group and 220/660 overall. I was slightly disappointed, but then I thought to myself, that’s not too bad for racing cold turkey when you are 20 lbs above your racing weight and still trying to recover from childbirth.

And with that, I am going to try to be happy with this race. Because it proved to me that with a little grit and determination, you CAN do anything, and even though a baby makes it harder, it’s certainly not impossible. Next year? I’m gonna beat 4/4, so watch out!

Of course, now that I've seen the official race photos, the site of my fat body makes me want to vomit and I am all the more amazed at what I have been through now. Tomorrow: starvation begins, with or without the milk supply.

Can I Get a Do-Over?

2010-08-21T07:20:00.000-07:00

Yes, silence on the line. I'd blame it on the kid, but he's really not the sole cause of my absence here. I guess I'm just not inspired!

Until this morning.

We're a few days shy of the 4-month mark, and I find myself thinking that my child has certainly gotten the shaft in the parenting department. Who let me out of the hospital with him?? Despite all my reading and classes, I really knew nothing and was petrified of him for months. I couldn't swaddle to save my life, breastfeeding was insane, I didn't know how to get him to fall asleep, I was sleep-deprived because I couldn't figure out how to multitask.....well, the list goes on and on.

After 4 months, I finally feel like I know how to take care of this baby. Took me long enough, huh? Consequently, I am also more attached than ever. I had to go to Book Club last night and I missed seeing him entirely after our morning feeding, and I was so upset when I went to sleep. How crazy is that?

I can't help but feel that poor D could have had it better if I knew what I was doing from the get-go. It certainly makes the case for a #2. Slow the rush of pregnancy down, try to enjoy the experience, and then be all over caring for the baby instead of feeling like we are drowning. But first....recover the body.

Next weekend is my first real race after pregnancy.....Iron Girl Boulder. I signed up thinking I'd be in stellar shape by now, but the truth of the matter is, I'm a far cry from the way I used to be. I struggle to run -- my pelvis still feels bruised and for days after runs, I feel like my lower guts are going to just pour out of me! I don't have time to swim -- I come home at night and my parents have the baby all ready for me and leave me immediately. They have him for 6 hours during the day, and that's it.......so no time. And my bike? Geesh, perhaps the hardest sport of all. I could try to ride my trainer, but he doesn't go to sleep until 8-9pm.....and then I have to shower, clean bottles, pump, and clean again before bedtime. I really cannot do a hard trainer ride at night! And mornings are out -- I am exhausted enough as-is getting up at 5:30am to pump before I have to wake D up and then get ready for work.

What I have done, though, is sneak away for a few weekend days and take my bike down to the trail. My first ride back was 25 miles, and I was proud of myself. Going to the turnaround, I was only hitting 16 mph and pretty much broke down into tears....but things improved on the way back, bringing me to an 18mph average, which is about 1 mph slower than I typically do for the distance. I guess I can handle that.

Two weekends ago, I joined the old triathlon team for a mock tri at Aurora Reservoir. It was a 1/2 mile swim, 12 mile bike, 3 mile run...... I had a heck of a time squeezing my fat body into my wetsuit, but I managed. Time trial start -- I managed to pass almost everyone in my division by the time I got out of the water. It's not saying much, but I was pretty proud. No watch on, but I was well under 20 minutes. Hoping it was around 15 minutes, because then I wouldn't have lost much time in the swim since pregnancy. But who knows??? The bike was really hilly and a blast on the outbound route, although I did miss the turnaround and added 7 miles to my total bike ride.....almost 19 miles for me that day! And then run? Hardly a run. I could cardiovascularly only handle a 2 min run/1 min walk interval. I kept getting, "you can do it!" comments from people, and I just wanted to yell at them, "I had a traumatic birth and pushed out a baby 3 1/2 months ago!" But I just ignored them and continued on......and finished, although it wasn't pretty.

So just in case you are wondering, you can finish a triathlon on no training at all. It sucks, but it's possible.

Next Saturday is going to be quite an adventure. I signed up to prove to myself that I could do it..... But now that I know so many old college friends are racing, I wish I'd been able to train appropriately for it. Because instead of handing them their butts on a platter, it will likely be the other way around..... And my baby won't be at the finish line to greet me, so I'm really lacking the motivation to "suffer" because there aren't too many rewards. Oh well! Should make for an interesting race report, eh?

On the baby front, he is growing by leaps and bounds and next week is his 4-month appointment. I can't believe how quickly time flies! He is rolling over from back to tummy now, can sit up with assistance, loves to jabber away, shrieks to get my attention, and cries when DH puts him in his carseat to go to my parents' house for the day. Funny boy. His witching hour is unfortunately when I have him, so from 5:30-8:00pm, he is hell on wheels and quite the challenge. He's a bit of a teething, drooling machine, so we live for Sophie the Giraffe and other toys he can shove into his mouth, like the Winkel! I'm putting myself on a budget, because the baby spending is quite literally insane.

And that's that! Evil baby is waking from his half hour morning nap, so I have to run. Here's some cuteness:

What I wish I knew BEFORE I had this baby!

2010-06-14T07:31:00.000-07:00

So now that the doom and gloom is subsiding, I thought it would be interesting to run through some of the things that would have been nice to know before popping out this child o' mine..... It seems everyone has advice, but really, I think it totally depends on your kiddo.

#1- When everyone tells you when you are pregnant to "enjoy sleep now" and you want to tell them to go shove it up their rears because you don't really sleep when pregnant?? Well, they were right. Enjoy waking up to pee every two hours and then getting to go back to bed immediately afterwards. You can't bank sleep, but you can savor the precious memories of it.

#2- All that cocoa and shea butter crap to stop stretchmarks that I started at 7 weeks pregnant? Worthless!!! Week 37 was universally cruel to me. Not only did I explode in a spiderweb of stretchmarks under my belly, but the Hemmorrhoids hit as well. Horrid.

#3- Wait to buy baby clothes until after baby is born. I was absolutely convinced my child was going to be ginormous, so we purposely did not buy many newborn clothes and predominantly went with 0-3 and 3-6. Well, lo and behold, Mr. Teeny Weenie didn't even fit in newborn and we had to go out and buy 5-8 lb Gerber kimono-style onesies to get us through the first two weeks without looking like he was buried in a sack of baby clothes. :) One quick trip to the Carters outlet and we were set with all the sleepers in the world, which he lived in for the first 5 weeks of his life.

#4 - Buttons rock. When you have a blowout, any clothes that go on via the head result in a dirty baby that needs an immediate bath. Which sometimes isn't fun at 7am.

#5 - Long live the video monitor! Worth the money. Wish we'd registered for the more beefed-up version, because we love it. Derek was in his crib at the 2-week mark because DH couldn't sleep with him in the room in the bassinet.....so the video monitor has been worth its weight in gold. (And added sleep)

#6 - Breastfeeding sucks. Everyone says it's fast and free, but I think that's only true if you lucked out. Between the 2 lactation consultant appointments, Boppy, pump, pumping supplies, 1-month hospital pump rental, milk storage bags, nursing tanks, sleep bras, Soothies, and Lanolin, I am likely out $700 from breastfeeding a 7-week old. Insanity!! Breastfeeding is not free, people. Seriously. Once I realized that I could have blister-free nipples, pump, feed, and clean up in less time than I could breastfeed Derek, I decided to exclusively pump. (Except on days when I need to increase supply -- then I suck it up and put him on the boob, and hate every second of it)

#7 - The instant "I'm so in love with my baby" moment that everyone talks about after baby is born? I had a traumatic birth, and I did not have this at all. It was more of a "thank goodness that's over. Can I have more drugs please?"

#8 - Sleep Sheep = best invention ever. Ocean waves equal sweet sweet dreams.

#9 - Square swaddle blankets or bust. And they must be big. Something like the Woombie is preferable to the Kiddopotomus or Sleep Sack with swaddle attachment. But I do love my sleep sacks when I don't feel like swaddling my escape artist.

#10 - Swings in every room -- genius! Derek always kind of like swinging, but now he adores them. We have two right now...we are finding that the small plug-in one doesn't swing as aggressively as it used to now that he's becoming a porker. So spring for a nice big, robust swing IF baby likes it. Start with a travel swing first, that way if they hate it you are only out $50 vs. $150. And you can take it with you when you need to get dressed, shower, use the bathroom, etc... I currently use an infant bouncer, but it's not very exciting these days....so travel swing it is!

#11 - We love our Diaper Genie Elite. So much so that we have one on each floor of the house. No smell at all, and for $5, I am not complaining too much about the refills.

#12 - We use the pack n' play quite a bit to change diapers -- but the changing table "droops." So if you need one, look for a pack n' play that has a robust changing table with supports on both sides!

#13 - Nobody told me that after I delivered, I would swell to gargantuan proportions. It was so painful! The best thing for the swelling was a brief walk around the neighborhood, even though the hoo ha hurt.

#14 - About that hoo-ha. A few days after birth, I did a little exploring and was appalled to find myself swollen and disfigured beyond all imagination! The horror! I was convinced things would never go back to the way they were. And to some extend, they haven't....but it's a heck of a lot better than it was at the beginning.

#15 - Sexy time. I thought I'd want some, but I don't. Something about a still-open episiotomy creeps me out. He can wait!

#16 - Why did nobody tell me that they grow so fast? I should have book a photographer and set up photo sessions when he was a newborn. Now he is clearly NOT a newborn, and all I have are snapshots we took. I'm so sad!

#17 - The diaper bag is a critical piece of equipment. Seeing as how it stores bottles, burp clothes, diapers, wipes, clothing changes, pacifiers, and blankets, it has to be big. The cute small ones don't do it. And a diaper bag for Dad? Waste of money. He just makes me carry mine. So now we have a backpack for nothing.

#18 - The wash clothes with all the cute frog appliques?? Useless! Abrasive! Who does this?? We love our little gerber washclothes the best.

#19 - So many people said that if you don't go natural in childbirth, your baby will feel the effects of the epidural or other drugs and be listless when born. Well, I'm happy to report that not only was my epidural brilliant and quite possibly the biggest positive of my birth experience, but my baby (after his initial Apgar of 3) was wide-eyed and alert for two hours after his birth. Everyone commented on his alterness! So take that.....I felt no pain AND my baby was totally with it.

#20 - I could go on forever. Having this baby had been such a huge learning experience....one that has differed from everything I have read and one that I never could have adequately prepared for!

So now I need to run, because the beast has awakened from his catnap and I must entertain him!

No Miracle this time around....

2010-06-10T07:40:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm sorry to say that my cousin's baby is globally brain dead. Per the recommendations of a whole slew of doctors, my cousin and her husband have placed him in hospice care, made him comfortable, and have removed his feeding tube. In just a few days, this nightmare will be over. :(

I'm going to step on my soap box now in hopes people googling things like "home birth," "breech vaginal deliveries," and "the Business of Being Born" will read this. People, it is ultimately your choice what you do with your body, but for heaven's sake, think about the health and safety of your baby. The internet may say that things are "statistically" as safe as vertex vaginal births in hospitals, but who reports the bad statistics? You never read about the horror stories.

Well, this is a horror story. A perfect pregnancy. A perfectly healthy baby. Dying as we speak because my cousin's caregivers persuaded her that trying to deliver him breech, vaginally, was safe. She did what she thought was best for her and the baby, and he died. It's not all sunshine and happiness, and just because someone has a perfect birth doesn't mean they all end up like that.

My OB yesterday was disraught when I told him the news, as we'd discussed this during my delivery. His nurse says she's been doing this for 26 years and she wishes people knew how lucky they are to have uncomplicated, healthy births, because in reality a lot can and will go wrong. My OB himself has seen 10 braindead babies from vaginal breech births. It's horrible.

So there, I said my peace. Do what you will, but know that statistics still involves chance, and there's no guarantee that you won't be the one to deviate. Please research everything you do thoroughly. I don't want this little boy to die in vain. Some lesson must be learned from this.

:(

On a completely separate note, I am now cleared for "all activity." All activity includes sexy time, but there's no way in hell that's happening anytime soon. Part of my episiotomy is still open and healing. He says that the angled cuts take longer to heal, but they also prevent tearing into the rectal muscles, which can cause permanent fecal incontinence. Ew!!! So I'll take the open wound, I suppose.

I've been doing 30 Day Shred at home in lieu of other exercise, mainly because I can't get the time away from the baby and it's way too hot to run outside with him! I still have 14 lbs left to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, and it's a slow journey back down the scale. Very annoying. I hope to get my pool card before the weekend so that I can test out the new community pool and see how my swimming endurance is? Should be amusing....

Little man still isn't on any sort of schedule. I'm exhausted and worried about work. I may try to contact my boss today and ask for 2 weeks unpaid leave so that I can make it an even 10 weeks off. Going back at 8 weeks when he's still unsettled just isn't going to work for me. :(

Anyway, there's my update. Thanks for the kind words! They definitely helped with the grieving process, but like the saying goes, time really does heal all.

Life is Fragile

2010-06-06T09:21:00.000-07:00

I've been absent moreso because I've been busy than anything else. But this past week, my cousin gave birth to her firstborn son, Owen. And everything since then has been a blur.

Last summer, we decided together that it would be fun to have children close together in age. As in, as close to the same birthday as possible. I got pregnant first, and then I shared my "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" book and sperm-friendly lubricant with her, and the next month....bingo! It has been so much fun to go through this whole thing together. We were 5 weeks apart, but it was so exciting to think that our kids were going to be playmates and friends for life.

She had an uneventful pregnancy until the very end, when she found out her baby was breech. All along, they'd been having midwife care and were planning a home birth. Obviously, the midwife couldn't deliver a breech baby at home, so they sought out one of the only doctors in the state who would permit a breech vaginal birth. He did an ultrasound and attempted a version...then told her that she should show up at the hospital at 8cm and that they would allow her to attempt a vaginal birth at that time.

Fast forward to Wednesday morning. She waits too long in the birthing tub and they speed through a 39 minute drive to the hospital. She shows up fully dilated, and as she is wheeled into the OR, two feet emerge first. Bad. At that point, the clock starts. Owen's vitals degrade and it quickly becomes clear that the cord is wrapped around his neck twice and his head is far too big to make it through the birth canal. The Dr. had to reach in and physically pull him out, breaking his shoulder in the process. My poor cousin did this all med-free, so apparently it was excruciatingly painful.

We don't know what happened after he was born, aside from the fact that his brain had gone 9 minutes without oxygen. They rushed him to the NICU, and his brain began to swell so they put him on hypothermic treatments. They lower his body temperature and cool his brain for 72 hours in hopes of helping stop the brain injury and give it time to recover. He had to be on a respirator. He never cried. :(

It's now been 4 days. The first and 2nd day of the treatment, Drs told my cousin and her husband that Owen was brain dead. Yesterday, at the 72-hour mark, they removed the body cooler and brought his body back to body temperature. They switched ventilators, and he took a few breathes on his own. All his vitals have stabilized, he is pinking up, gaining weight, and having plenty of wet diapers. But they don't know if his brain has any activity. :(

They were able to hold him for the first time yesterday, and I guess when they started talking to him, he opened his eyes and followed their voices? So part of us hopes and prays for a miracle and that his cognitive functions have returned.... Miracles do happen, right?? It's just been so hard, because he was a perfectly healthy and perfect baby boy. He has loving parents. But the birth trauma just seems so unfair. I guess this is something I will never understand.

So if you can spare a few thoughts and prayers for a miracle, we could use them. I've been totally disraught and suffering from survivors' guilt. Why do I have the perfect, healthy baby boy when hers is suffering so much? How can we get together for holidays when Derek will constantly remind them of their lost son? I know I am jumping the gun, but I am being realistic so I don't get too heartbroken. I'm assuming tomorrow, after their neurologist meeting, they will decide if they should take him off the ventilator or not. Tomorrow may be a very bad day. :(

My boy is doing really well. We've had our second night of a 6 1/2 stretch of sleep, which is phenomenal. He doesn't sleep during the day, but it's okay because the nighttimes are looking great. He is smiling a lot now, and he loves to coo. I am enchanted. It took a while, but at 6 weeks, I cannot imagine life without him.

I'm signed up for a mock triathlon on June 27th....I am not cleared to exercise yet, but I have done some run/walking. Not so fabulous! Still waiting to swim -- not sure he will let me yet because the episiotomy still stings. I'm afraid to think of the bike.

Here are a few pics of the past month.

He's Here!

2010-05-13T11:03:00.001-07:00

Wow. It's been 2 1/2 weeks already, and I can't believe it. It still seems so surreal. In my sleep-deprived haze, time has both stood still and flown by. I'm a Mom and I'm still in denial about it!

So, it all started on the 26th. I woke up at 3am to pee, as usual, but when I got back to bed I noticed that my Braxton Hicks contractions were starting to migrate down into my pelvis a little bit. This was definitely a new sensation, so I looked at the clock and waited to see if I had another one....and sure enough, 8 minutes later, there it was. So, I kind of freaked out at this point and headed out of bed and onto the computer, where I setup a spreadsheet to time contractions and then kill time. Within an hour, they were down to 5 minutes apart, and then a half hour after that, we were at 3 minutes apart. At this point, I was pretty positive this was "it," so I hopped into the bathtub to see if the contractions would slow down or stop....if they did, then it would be false labor. Alas, in the tub, they stayed 2-3 minutes apart. At 6am, I called the Dr. because the contractions had been 2-3 minutes apart for over an hour. She told me to get to the hospital, so I woke up DH and told him this was it! His response? "Do I have time to take a shower and eat breakfast?"

Sure. Why not?! They were still just uncomfortable, so I flat ironed my hair and put on makeup while DH scrambled about getting ready to leave. I forced myself to eat, called my Mom to tell her this was it, then sobbed in the living room on my yoga ball. (Which, coincidentally, provided no relief at all) What an emotional roller coaster!

We checked into triage at 8am and they put me on the monitor to see if I really was in labor. The nurse said, "so, you are 40 weeks and 2 days. Do you think you are in labor?" I almost smacked her. I told her if this wasn't the real deal, then she should shoot me now!

Since a bunch of women came in at the same time who were farther along than me (vomiting in transition -- seriously?!), we stayed in triage for about an hour and a half. At about 9:30am, we were admitted to our antipartum room. The founder of my OB practice was on hospital duty for the day, so I was excited. I never thought I'd want a man to deliver my child, but when the time comes, you really want the experience. At any rate, I was 4.5cm dilated and 70% effaced at that point, so they hooked up my IV and he sent me on a walking tour of L&D. 1 hour of walking, a check, and then another hour of walking.

The first hour wasn't too bad, and I was really tearing ass around L&D. In fact, we got numerous "this is not a race" comments from people. (Seriously, why walk slowly?!) The contractions were staying pretty tolerable, but I was hopeful that the walking was helping.

Eh. 5cm after an hour of walking, so off we went on another hour of walking. This hour, things got more intense. I had trouble walking through most of the contractions.....and I was tending to drop a few "f" bombs here and there. There was definitely relief in between contractions, but I had a few issues where my contractions would not die down -- the uterus would just continue contracting with little relief. THAT sucked.

My Dr. checked me at 12:30 and I was 5.5cm and 100% effaced. At that point, he recommended that I get an epidural (it was in my plans from the beginning).....he said that oftentimes, the epidural slows down contractions, and we wanted to see that because baby was having a few issues with my psychotic overactive uterus. SO, I cried Uncle and ordered the epidural. I'm glad I didn't wait until I was in excruciating pain, because it took about an hour to get the darn thing! But the anesthesiologist was fantastic --- his wife was a marathoner so he was talking triathlon with me as he placed it. He did a bang-up job and there was pretty quick relief. I LOVED it. All this worry about the epidural, and it was the best part of my day. And the Fentanyl they lace the epidural drugs with? Bloody brilliant!

Dr. broke my water at that point, which was really weird. I had sensation in my legs and could move them, so I felt the gushes of water after every contraction -- at that point, I realized that all sense of modesty went out the window. Especially since there was meconium in my water. Ew.

DH and I were trying to figure out what movie to watch when my parents and sisters came in to visit me. I felt great, but I was paranoid about the pushing part. I think part of me enjoyed laying around in my epidural-induced stupor. Anyway, as we were visiting, about 3 nurses ran into the room really quickly. They rolled me onto my side, wrangled my family out the door, and then shoved an internal probe up my you-know-what so that they could monitor the baby. Apparently, I had dilated to 10cm within the hour and baby had dropped to -2, creating a massive deceleration in his heartrate that got them worried. Thankfully, he recovered, but the nurses were still a little traumatized.

At this point, my Dr. comes in. It's 4:00pm or 4:30pm? He says that we are going to sit at 10cm for an hour or so in order for baby to recover from the deceleration, and then we'll start pushing. I was fine with this, as I didn't have the urge to push, nor did I particularly want to get started!

Somehow this hour flew by and before I knew it, we were pushing. I couldn't really feel the contractions too much, but we did what we could. An hour into pushing, I apparently developed a fever of 103 and they started pushing antibiotics into my IV. Around this same time, we noticed that the baby's heartrate was hovering around 200 bpm and was not recovering in between contractions. They had me stop pushing, which at this point became quite difficult. I didn't want to up my epidural drip because I was concerned about how it was effecting the baby, but I didn't enjoy writhing in pain as I resisted pushing. Dr. was apparently delivering a baby next door, so we were on hold. Poor nurse was freaking out in silence!

When my Dr. came back in, he announced that the baby was sunny side up. He decided that he would reach in and try to turn him during a contraction. THAT was the most painful thing I've ever felt in life. I didn't scream, but I desperately wanted to. What a nightmare. We made no progress whatsoever! While the Dr. continued to monitor the tape of my contractions and baby's heartrate, I kept pushing....it did seem pointless, though.

All this time, I kept telling my husband to prepare himself for a c-section. I knew that all the silence in the delivery room and the worried faces meant that a vaginal birth was likely not possible. My Dr. sat down next to us and basically told us we had 2 options, and neither one was going to be easy -- we either do an emergency c-section, or we attempt a forceps delivery....and risk having a c-section regardless. I opted for option 2. I know forceps are frowned upon, but I was thinking if any Dr. could do a skillful delivery, it was mine. He looked worried, but I went ahead and signed the consent forms for the c-section just in case. A slew of nurses came into the delivery room....NICU nurses for the baby, one to monitor me and my fever, and then the anesthesiologist.

My favorite Dr. gave me a little extra booster into my epidural, and it was wonderful......I didn't feel a single thing, even when they reinserted the urinary catheter. (yes, it went in twice -- woohoo!) When the Dr. grabbed the forceps, I was blissfully unaware of what was happening. I just kept pushing on command (DH did a great job counting to ten, since I was inclined to cheat and stop at 9). DH was so traumatized by what was happening that he didn't even peak. Thank goodness, because rest assured I had probably crapped the table fifty times by the time the delivery was over.

Long story short, Dr. managed to turn him 3/4 of the way and then with forceps, pulled him into this world. Derek's initial apgar was a 3, but they quickly pumped his tummy and lungs and by the five minute mark, he was up to an 8. He's been robust and healthy ever since! 20.5 inches long and 7 lbs, 10 oz in weight. I was so shocked I had a relatively little baby. DH and I were mostly traumatized when he was born and they didn't let us hold him for about 20 minutes after he was born. Which was fine, as we needed the time to compose ourselves. I made DH leave my side 5 minutes after his birth to go look after Derek in the corner of the room while I found out that I'd had an episiotomy. Ouch! Well, I didn't feel it at the time. No additional tearing, either, so that was nice.

We called our family in after we got stitched up and acquainted for the first time, and they were all in tears. He was born at 8:12pm.......can you imagine being at 10cm for that long? Insanity. But we are incredibly thankful he was born safe and sound after that long ordeal.

The first few weeks have been a trial, I won't lie. I didn't realize that sleep deprivation, hormones, and the recovery pains would knock me out quite like they have. I do love Derek, but some nights I wonder what I've done to my life. Apparently, this is all normal. So, I am just waiting.....waiting for the weather to turn nice so I can take some longer walks, and waiting for the feelings of regret to be overcome with love for this baby. Don't get me wrong....I love him. I may even be IN love with him. But I haven't been hit with the "I cannot imagine my life without him" schpiel that women wax about the instant they become pregnant. Perhaps I'm just not wired like that? Or perhaps once my sleepy fog lifts, I'll be there. Nonetheless, he is plenty loved, so no worries.

So, that's the birth story! I'll add a few pics to the bottom of this post. Thanks for the well-wishes......

Like the Energizer Bunny

2010-04-22T19:48:00.000-07:00

.....this pregnancy keeps going, and going, and going.....

39 weeks and 6 days as of tomorrow. One day away from the big due date. I should be excited, but if I've learned anything these past 9+ months, it's that the due date really doesn't mean anything. Baby will come when my body is ready and not a day beforehand. I can hope and pray that I fall within the "normal" range and drop this child at 40 weeks, but I have a sneaking suspicion I have another week left of contractions and backaches and stretch marks to look forward to.

I am loathe to admit that exercising stopped 3 weeks ago. Aside from neighborhood walks, I have not been swimming, nor have I worked out in the gym at work. I have an irrational fear of my water breaking on the elliptical machine. Or my water breaking in the pool and having meconium in it, so everyone knows who to blame for the greenish hue. You know, totally stupid. And to be honest, I finally reached the uncomfortable, sleepy stage where I just don't care anymore. I've worked hard for 8 months....this month was a lost cause for me.

Seeing the Dr. tomorrow for my last "official" appointment. He'll tell me I've gained a million pounds, that my blood pressure is stellar, and that I've made no progress since 37 weeks. And I'll be hella-pissed. But I'm going to make him sweep my membranes tomorrow, even if it hurts like a mofo. I figure, it's got to be better than a Pitocen induction, right?

Speaking of induction, it's on the books. Next Friday morning, the 30th.... How scary is that? Assuming nothing happens tomorrow, this next weekend will be our last without a child. Our lives are never going to be the same again. How am I supposed to be productive at work when I have these kinds of big thoughts to stare down?

And then there's the fear of labor. Oh my gosh, I'm really petrified. I figure I can probably handle the pain, but emotionally am I ready for it? Ugh. Everyone else seems ready. Guess I'd better wrap my head around it pretty quickly.

So with that, I'm updated. Still pregnant. Still huge. And increasingly tired. So if anyone out there thinks I should rest more, kiss my ass -- insomnia blows. :)

Not over Yet.....

2010-04-11T11:21:00.000-07:00

So I sit here at 38 weeks, 1 day......and I am restless!

Lots and lots of upheaval on my new triathlon team. The head coach and really the greatest thing since sliced bread was fired, which was just devastating news because I've loved training with her this past year. (Even though I've been injured or pregnant most of the time) I don't understand most of the circumstances surrounding it, but I think it's probably because she had an affair with one of the other coaches. To be honest, I could care less about this! So she is starting her own team and I will be joining that after I recover from having the baby. They are meeting up and practicing on their own, and it's making me so jealous that I can't make it. AH!!

Had a huge pregnancy-related setback last week that required me to stay home from work in agony for 6 days. Horrible! Will have to deal with that after the baby is born with some surgery. JOY.

I'm finding myself constantly wondering when labor is going to start. It's almost an unhealthy obsession. My back hurts? Is it coming in waves? Was that an abdominal cramp? Could my Braxton Hicks get any tighter? Was that the "bloody show?" Seriously, it's enough to make me crazy. I've eaten 4 packages of swiss rolls in 24 hours. 800 calories. Can you believe that crap? I'm drowning my sorrows in chocolate, since I haven't really indulged during this pregnancy.

So, that's about it from me. Still here. Still ginormous. Still wondering when it's all going to go down. I do know they won't let me go beyond May 1st, so at least the end is on the horizon...... I *will* make it.

Stick a Fork in Me!

2010-03-31T19:00:00.000-07:00

I'm done. Seriously, this is getting a bit ridiculous. I know I have 3 more days until I hit "full term," but I feel like I've done my time. I've put up with months and months of Braxton Hicks contractions. I'm starting to get stretch marks under my belly from this ginormous baby I am growing. My nights are full of 3-5 pee breaks a night, sometimes interspersed with bouts of insomnia. My feet are starting to swell. We don't discuss the roids. It's all bad at this point, and I don't think it's going to get better until this baby comes into this world.

Instead of hitting the gym today, I walked in, smelled the guy who was running on the treadmill, then ran out while choking back vomit. Got dressed back into my work clothes and had a spur of the moment lunch with the hubs. !!!! What has become of me?

Well, up until last month, exercise made me feel better. I still got that high. I got energized. But now, exercise makes me tired. I have to stop frequently so that the cramps calm down, and afterwards, I want to take a nap. What the heck?! But I hope I can get back to swimming soon...

Speaking of swimming, my triathlon team has completely gone soap opera. They fired the head coach, who I have a HUGE amount of respect for, and now I am so angry I don't feel motivated to attend the group practices. Quite frankly, the remaining coaches don't have the skills or teaching abilities that I think I need in a Coach. So, I guess this also makes the timing right for baby. It'll give my old Coach time to get her business together and then when I am ready to train again, I'll sign on with her and go from there. :)

Anyway, have my 37 week appointment tomorrow. Since last week I was neither dilated nor effaced, I don't intend to consent to an internal tomorrow. What's it going to tell me? At this point, my water either needs to break or I need to be crying in pain in order to know if I'm in labor. I don't need the disappointment of an internal showing no progress. And who wants internals, anyway? They are so painful!

So, that's my scoop. Not feeling like doing the pregnancy survey, because it's getting a little old. And besides, I think I've covered all the bases. While I'm not "miserable," I'm now ready to meet my son. BRING IT!

Hanging on

2010-03-14T19:00:00.000-07:00

This week, I downgraded myself to "Upper Intermediate" swimming. It's a bit slower-paced than Advanced, and when I am done, I am not left crampy and out of breath. (Instructions from Dr.: "Easy does it.")

I have to say, swimming is a heck of a lot more enjoyable when I'm not one of the slowest in the pool. In fact, I got quite a few "oh shits" when I got out of the pool at the end and my lanemates discovered I was pregnant. Go me! It's endurance month, so this makes life much easier than doing painful kicking drills. I just hope I can keep it up until the bitter end.

Which, isn't too far off. How scary is that? Had my baby shower last week, and so many people came- it was so much fun to have all of my friends and family in the same place. Stressful, but fun! My little house BARELY held everybody. And they put quite a dent in my registry so that this weekend, I didn't have to drop $1K at Babies R Us to finish it all off. Whoever said all a baby needs is a crib and love is full of crap! (Or am I full of baby crap?! I do feel like I could run a nursery now)

I'm DONE with work. Not literally, just figuratively. I haven't checked out, but I am way more sensitive and stressed out than I usually am, and it's just not making for a pleasurable last month. My feet are starting to swell, too, so this makes looking good a little problematic. Some days, I am tempted to leave the office barefoot!

Anyway, here's my weekly log for baby this week, as i haven't done much on the workout end aside from swimming and a few hours of elliptical and yoga. Woohoo.....

How far along? 34 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 34 lbs GAINED....I'm so over it.
Sleep: I wake up to pee every hour and a half, but most of the time I can go back to sleep.
Best moment this week: Um....Friday night when I was done with work???

Movement: He's a sleepy little guy. Has a few bouts of hyperactivity a few times a day, but is mostly pretty quiet.
Food cravings: Nope. But chocolate sounds extra good.
Stretch Marks: Last weekend, I got one under my belly. I'm pissed. So much for my fancy lotion.
Gender: Boy!!
Labor Signs: More Braxton Hicks this week, but Dr. isn't concerned. Thinks it'll be fun to see if I've progressed at my 36 week appointment.

Belly Button in or out? In...but it ain't pretty.
What I miss: Full use of my right wrist.
What I am looking forward to: Taking the baby for a run in the stroller. Can't wait for warm weather and the ability to run without feeling like I have a bowling ball between my hips.

Weekly Wisdom: It's possible to be ready but not ready. ;)
Milestones: Um, that crappy stretch mark!

Hold Your Horses!

2010-02-18T17:31:00.000-08:00

That's a message to my uterus, by the way. My irritable uterus.

What a week. After two solid weeks of insane Braxton Hicks contractions, I decided that I needed more reassurance that nothing was happening than an internal exam. So yesterday I call the nurse's line and told them that I was well-hydrated, had a desk job, and that my 6-10 contractions an hour were taking my breathe away. So in I go to the office.....

We start with the fetal fibronectin test, which basically tests for a protein that can indicate whether you will go into labor within the next 2 weeks. A negative is more conclusive than a positive......it basically assures you with 95% confidence that you won't go into labor within that 2 week period.

After that, I had an ultrasound to check out my cervical length. Of course, they pull out the vag-cam for this one. Joy! More probing. (Get used to it, right?) Everything looks great....nice and thick and high, and baby's head is down already. He was sticking his tongue out at us and practicing breathing, so that was pretty cute.

General consensus after the negative fetal fibronectin test and the high and closed cervix is that I just have an irritable uterus. The contractions aren't causing anything else to happen, so they are harmless at the moment. I'm not supposed to exercise too much when they are hot and heavy, but I also don't have to put my life on hold unless they get even stronger or more painful.

So, that was scary yesterday. For a minute there, they were talking about drugs like terbutaline and procardia, and mentioning going to the hospital for fetal monitoring and other fun stuff. I'm so relieved that he's staying put for a while and that I'm not on bed rest! I did skip swimming this week, though.....figured I owed it to the baby to at least take his safety and well being seriously.

Anyway, we have childbirth classes tomorrow night and Saturday, so it should be entertaining! And just to keep with the general baby-related theme of the day, I thought I would include the pregnancy questionnaire that everyone seems to put into their baby blogs. Better late than never, right??

How far along? 30 weeks, 5 days
Total weight gain/loss: 30 lbs GAINED....kill me now!
Sleep: Not the best, but could certainly be worse
Best moment this week: Finding out I won't be having the baby within the next 2 weeks....and watching him stick his tongue out at us on the ultrasound

Movement: Lots. Especially at 11pm. And he wakes up and kicks whenever the cat snuggles up next to the belly.
Food cravings: None?!
Stretch Marks: Not yet, but I'm sure they're coming.
Gender: Boy!!
Labor Signs: Had craploads of Braxton Hicks contractions, but I'm not dialated or effaced and fetal fibronectin was negative, so I have time.

Belly Button in or out? In...but struggling.
What I miss: Not looking totally fat.
What I am looking forward to: Being able to walk into a room and not have everyone stare at my stomach. Oh, and the baby, of course!

Weekly Wisdom: Follow your gut. If you need more reassurance than your Dr. is giving you, then get it. Be squeaky.
Milestones: New horrific pregnancy symptom this week -- carpal tunnel syndrome. Woohoo!! I just love this stuff, can't you tell?

Return of Coach Meanypants

2010-02-06T07:52:00.001-08:00

Monday marked the start of Triathlon Season #4 for me. Unlike the previous three years, where the season started with excitement and delusions of grandeur, this season was marked with Braxton Hicks contractions. So many, that the OB considered me "dehydrated" and I was told to go home and rest.

Rest?? The first day of the first swim practices?!! Seriously!!!!

So I rested, and my second opportunity came on Wednesday. Upper and Lower Intermediates were swimming at 6, and Advanced was swimming at 7. I wanted to move down to Upper Intermediate, but Coach Yoli said I still needed to come to Advanced, despite the fact that I am slower than usual! Argh. So I show up....very pregnant....and throw the towel around my waist while I wait for the Intermediates to finish up. (Good call -- they were barely moving in the water)

Coach Meanypants was there, barking out instructions. Now, I will admit, the man scares the crap out of me. Because he's good! He sees right through me usually, and he demands perfection. His critiques are so spot on that you notice improvements immediately in the pool. But his critiques also mean you were doing something wrong, and then you feel pretty terrible about the whole situation. So I guess because he hurts my pride and kicks my butt, I'm petrified of the man.

Wednesday, when I hopped in the pool in a lower lane and started warming up, I felt a little like an outsider. Very few of the women wanted to talk to me, and I think a few probably wondered what I was doing at practice. As DH says, "what are you practicing for?!" Well, for me the answer is simple....if I can keep up my fitness through this pregnancy, the faster I will return for my race at the end of August. Simple enough, right?

Coach Meanypants starts us out with 4 x 150's of kicking drills. I'm all over Superman the first time around, but as soon as I get on my side, I have trouble taking a breathe. I was flabbergasted by how hard it was to breathe as I made my way to the deep end, substituting my sideways kicking with some breastroke. I HUNG on to the end of the pool and proceeded to take many deep breathes, and then started to panic as they became shallow. I was like, "what the heck?"

Meanypants comes over and says, "what's wrong?" to which I reply, "my legs feel great but I can't breathe." He asks me when the last time I swam was. I told him I've been swimming 2000 meter sets for the past 3 months, at least once a week. So while I am not in good shape, I am not OUT of swimming shape. He just looks at me and says, "kicking is hard. Just float on your back."

And that was that. I did the back kicking drills to finish out the set, then joined in with the rest on the remainder of the repeats.....slowing down a little to make sure my breathing problem wouldn't return. You see, I was watching the girls in the first lane the entire time and up until my hyperventilation problem, I was beating them. BAD!!!! This is not a race. This is building fitness, and I shouldn't try to be competitive. I just can't help myself.

Apparently my stroke was very shallow and I was crossing over with my arms -- really atypical for me. He mentioned that once, so I did my best to correct it. Unfortunately, the night sweats are really taking a toll on my upper back muscles, so I think that is the reason why I have a shallow entry into the water and maybe why I'm overcompensating with one arm over the center. At any rate, I was informed by Coach #2 that my kick was also "so messed up." Huh?! I still have my little 2-beat flutter kick. How is it messed up? Oh....hips have spread. I'm hoping she was talking about that.

So after an hour, I managed to complete the entire workout along with the other girls...in fact, I was middle of the pack, so I didn't disgrace myself at all. I was exhausted, but glad that I at least sucked it up and did it. Last year, this workout was cake.....this year? Damn near impossible.

I can't help but feel that Coach Meanypants was wondering why I even bothered to show up. He gave up on me after the first 10 minutes, and I really felt like a leper! But I will continue to drag my pregnant, fat ass to the pool at least twice a week to bother him, because I'm going to prove him wrong. I'm going to come back after having this baby, and I'm going to be swimming BETTER than I am today, and I am going to kick the fast lane's butts in races come this fall. I am determined!

Oh, and to top it all off, I actually joined in on a locker room conversation post-workout. I asked one of the older women how she liked Coach Meanypants' workouts in the gravel pond over the summer, since I never made it out in time last year. She said that she found them pointless, because when it's racing season, there's no reason to practice speed because in a race like Danskin or Tri for the Cure, there are so many people in the swim you can't go fast. I looked at her like she was smoking crack!! She was totally serious. I'm like, "it's helpful if you get out in front of everyone in your wave and then you don't have to deal with too much traffic," to which she indignantly said, "there are just so many people in the water, if you went too fast you'd swim over someone."

And your problem is???

So, being pregnant does a few things to people. #1, they think you should be home on the couch waiting for the baby arrive. And #2, they forget that you were ever an athlete, and cannot possibly fathom that your now round body would be capable of doing anything OTHER than sitting on the couch at home.

I freaking HATE that.

We had another swim practice this morning, but I opted to stay in bed. Twice a week should work just fine for me right now....today we are painting the nursery. I need my energy!

And if you managed to make it through that horribly depressing and angry post, I'll reward you with some uber cute 3D pictures of the little man after his re-take last Friday. He's kind of cute....and he loves to smile when he hears his Aunties talk. The facial distortion is caused by his snuggling with the umbilical cord. He's a heart breaker and playing hard-to-get already. :)

The freight train is coming

2010-01-29T07:10:00.000-08:00

The baby freight train, that is. Equipped with skin anomolies, hip pain, random belly cramps, and an enormous amount of uncontrollable weight gain. I look at myself in the mirror every morning and cry. Can this be over yet? Oh, no....it's only going to get worse.

Exercise is getting more and more difficult. In yoga, when we do "pansy" pushups, I find my arm strength has practically disappeared! And when we do balancing poses, I'm starting to get a little bit wobbly. Yesterday in the gym, my upper back and shoulders were so seized up that I lasted only 5 minutes a piece on the elliptical and then stationary bike before moving on to the treadmill for some fast walking....but then 20 minutes later I had horrible cramps under my bump and they would only go away when I slowed down. What the *(&(*&@34*&~!!!!! How am I supposed to exercise through this crap?

My one saving grace is that CWW starts up again next week with 2 sessions a week that I'll be able to attend pretty easily for swim practice. Of course, it's with Coach Meanypants, but how can he yell at a woman who is 28 weeks pregnant?? (Yes, we are at the 28 week mark starting tomorrow...insanity) I have 1 swimsuit left that fits, but that might even be pushing it. I look like a beached whale. i'm getting slower by the day...but surely I'll be faster than some of these women there.

I've started panicking about my maternity leave as well. I've had 5 days off from work in the past 2 weeks (use 'em or lose 'em) and they have been incredibly boring! But moreso than that, they've left me feeling more disconnected from my job than ever. This depresses me more than you could possibly know. My boss told me I was being ridiculous and that I have nothing to worry about, but the whole thing really does seem unfair. 12 weeks off to bond with baby is a blessing -- I get it. But my career has been #1 for over 5 years now.....why do I have to feel like it's so vulnerable now that I've chosen the path of motherhood? Times like these make me wish DH had a uterus. He'd be happy as a clam popping out babies and staying home to cook and clean and play. I will slit my wrists.

My only positive this week was a 3D ultrasound of the little man. We're going back this afternoon for a second chance, since he wasn't too cooperative, but I did manage to get one good side profile of him. He's pretty darn cute, I have to say. But if one more person tells me he looks like DH, I am going to smack them. (OK, it wouldn't be bad for him to get DH's looks and body composition genes....but I hope he gets a good combination of our brains because then he'll have the perfect balance of book smarts and street smarts!) :) Here's his first photo:

And then the moment you've all been waiting for. (NOT) This was a few days ago. 27 weeks, 27 lbs up. KILL ME NOW. My shirt is loose so I had it pulled back -- I am not that lumpy....it just feels like it. As you can see, it looks like I'm carrying high, but that's crap because I feel him punch me deep down in my pelvis. So that's just stomach and guts and stuff. Lucky me. :)

So that's my scoop! Stressed about impending baby, dealing with new maladies day by day, and anxiously awaiting a better face shot so I can tell once and for all how cute this little one really is. :)

Hit with the Ugly Stick

2010-01-09T07:44:00.000-08:00

You would not believe the night I just had.

We had a lovely Outback dinner and I behaved *so* well, opting for the grilled tilapia and vegetables, holding the sauce and only using lemon. It tasted so gross, but I was so proud for being such a healthy girl. And then I had an individual serving of the peanut butter pie, because I had behaved too well for my liking and needed a little chocolate and peanut butter in my system. Sinful.

So things were looking great. We catch up on our DVR'ed shows from the past week, and I head to bed where I get 3 1/2 excellent hours of sleep.....and then I wake up. Am I hungry? Yes. But this shall pass. I lay in bed some more, and hunger starts to turn a little.....sick. I switch sides, and almost instantly I shoot out of bed and run to the bathroom.

Poor DH followed me in but he doesn't have the stomach for vomit these days, so he stood in the hallway telling me how sorry he was. I just wanted everything OUT of my stomach.

I felt pretty fabulous afterwards, but this morning I looked in the mirror and I look as though I've been bludgeoned in the face!!! I must have popped every damn blood vessel, because I have the face of a liver-spotted 100-year old man. Woe is me.

What else is next, little baby? What are you doing to me?!

In other news, I went to my first prenatal yoga class on Thursday. I walked into the room of 10 women and checked everyone out......basketballs, watermelons, mangoes......and a 60-year old woman who looked at us like we were nuts when we asked her how far along she was. "What? I'm not pregnant! I'm 60!" My instructor had to inform her that "prenatal" implied before child is born, and that this was no regular class. The poor woman got up and left, but not without all of us having a good laugh at her expense. Oh well.

Class itself didn't start out too promising. "Picture your baby swimming in a sea of tranquility." Speaking of vomit......I had trouble not laughing out loud at the start. But eventually, my slightly wacked out, crunchy doula-turned-yogi led us through a pretty normal class. Down dog, sun salutation, crescent lunge, runner's lunge, cat/cows, child's pose, warrior, reverse warrior..... It was more intense than I was expecting, but in a good way. Challenging to the muscles and preparing us all for the road that lies ahead. She gave us a few ways to change the baby's position, and this helped me out a ton because baby had been lying inward for 2 days and had been tap dancing all over my bladder. After yoga, he had turned and my lower back felt instantly better.

Did I meet my new best friend in prenatal yoga? Um, no. But these ladies will do for now.

I owe everyone a belly pic, so I'll see if I can cover up the ugly face with some good makeup and get the hubby to start documenting this pregnancy since it's reached some gargantuan proportions. This better be the only time in my life that I weight this much!

25 weeks today.......3rd tri's coming.....like a freight train.

New Year....No Resolutions

2010-01-05T17:32:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to promise to write more. I'm not going to try to lose weight (until after April). I'm not even going to try and be a better person.

Nope. My goal? Make it to April 24th in one piece and add a new member to the family.

As things progress, I find myself getting more and more antsy. Which new symptoms will plague me this week? When are the stretch marks coming? Can I get any slower in the water? Do swimsuits really break under pressure? Can I start sleep training the little one in the womb?

Yes, very antsy indeed. Am pleased to report that a lot of the important stuff is done. 20 week ultrasound -- done. Baby is still a boy, and he is perfect as far as we can tell. Maternal serum test came back negative for open spinal cord defects. 4D ultrasound is booked for the 26th. Glucose screen booked on the 26th. Crib and coordinating furniture were not only ordered, but arrived 12 weeks early and are assembled! Crib bedding is ordered. Shower invitations have been ordered. Prenatal yoga class has been signed up for. Aqua Aerobics is being added to the rotation briefly. DH and I are signed up for our Childbirth classes and Infant Care classes. Is this impressive or what?

Admittedly, I haven't run at all since my crawling episode at the Turkey Trot. Heard one too many stories of pelvic floor injuries postpartum that I think I will just return to running after I drop this little one. Instead, I've been on the elliptical for 50 minutes over lunch watching the Dog Whisperer, making sure it all seems "easy" to me. I swim on Sundays with my needy friend who actually laps me within 200 meters. (She claims it's because of her flip turns.....I secretly hope in a race situation she becomes timid and gets dunked a few million times so that I beat her) I've noticed some interesting things over the past few weeks, though..... My freaking hips must be spreading, courtesy of that fantastic relaxin crap. It's painful to walk for the first few minutes after getting up from a chair, and they ache late at night. I'm also feeling more awkward in the water. At first, swimming was liberating because I was blissfully unaware of my abdomen. But then baby turned into a 1lb sack of sugar and now, I always know he is down there.

At my 23 week appointment, I was up 20 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight. Oops! And I managed to do this all while eating no more than 1800 calories a day and by working out 3-4 times a week. My Dr. isn't concerned at all. She doesn't realize how traumatizing this is. My boss just says I must not love my baby enough if I am concerned about gaining weight while pregnant. Eat me, people. I seriously need everyone to understand that I am very conscious of my weight and it doesn't mean I care for the baby any less. Couldn't I be like my cousin and be even with the pre-preg weight? Seriously?!

Is there anything non-baby in my life, you ask?

No, not really. I'm pretty sad and pathetic. I'm watching my bikini line disappear as my abdomen gets bigger and bigger. I'm discovering all sorts of new maladies that my body is capable of throwing at me. I pee a lot. The heartburn is enough to make me want to slit my wrists.....thank goodness for Prilosec. And when I go to bed, I read about sleep training and infant care. I'm pretty special these days.

Anyway, will leave you with a few pics. Not terribly exciting, but it's all I'm capable of right now!

Here's my munchkin caught sleeping in the infant bouncer. Boy is he in for a surprise!

This is the crib, assembled in its new home!

And here is the little snot at 19 weeks and 3 days.

Giving Thanks

2009-11-28T07:43:00.000-08:00

I know I promised to update more frequently, but I just feel my life isn't blog-able these days. I'm so boring! But I did have some excitement on Thanksgiving....

So, at 6:30am on T-giving Day, I rolled out of bed and went to my closet.....pulled out my faithful Fiona (thank goodness she still fits!), my compression tights, my sexy Sugoi hoody, and laced up my running shoes. And you know what? I didn't look half bad! Where are those 14 lbs that I've gained?!! I hide them well, I must admit....and all my clothes still fit. Woohoo!

At 7am, after coffee and half a bagel, my little sister arrived, and then we were off to the Turkey Trot. I had sent out the SOS earlier in the week.....anyone want to do a 5K with me on Thanksgiving? Baby has the need for speed!

It was a joke, of course.....but my sister answered the call, thank goodness. So we drove to the site, and walked over to the stadium for packet pickup where I led her through the routine of getting the race number, the chip, and the t-shirt.....and then scoping out all the potties in the vicinity. Oh yes, I was very serious about all of this!

My objective was simply to have a good time and burn some calories. But in the back of my head, I was thinking, if this takes more than 40 minutes, I'm going to kill myself.

HA! I got so excited when the gun went off and we started making our way through the start chute. I'm back! And I had no idea baby was in there at all, even at 18.5 weeks. (Technically in my 19th week, but we won't go into that crazy stuff) We took off at a slow jog and did our best to avoid the baby strollers and joggers with dogs. I was thinking we'd do a 2 min run/1 min walk interval, but I didn't slow us down until 5 minutes went by and we hit our first hill. I was trying to stay aerobic and was talking to my sister the entire time to gauge where my heartrate was, and that hill KILLED me. Granted, I haven't really run in 2 months. I mean, I do the elliptical for 50 minutes 4 times a week, but that doesn't really do the job. We ended up walking more than I wanted to in the first mile, hitting it in 13 minutes even.

Yuck. The second mile was more of the same....uphill for a while, taxing my heart rate. I kept thinking I was killing the baby, so I slowed down and calmed down. My sister was great -- she just let me call the shots and she followed. THEN we hit the downhill section of the course. I gave her my free speed lecture and told her to lean into the hill to let momentum carry her down, but she thought I was nuts. I led the way and tried to make up ground going down the hills, while she moaned and groaned about how we needed to walk. Poor thing -- I was killing her. We hit the aid station and I made her keep going...... at the two mile mark, I hit my 5K PR of 25:52. Ha! It was not so fabulous. My sister kept saying, "keep going without me!" But why would I do that? We were doing this together...and anything less than 25:52 was a disappointment to me, even though I knew darn well I couldn't do it.

So we chugged along, and I tried my best to keep my sister moving. She has exercise-induced asthma but refuses to use an inhaler because of how shaky it makes her feel, so she was starting to get all panicky and was breathing way too much. So I talked to her about beaches. And massages. And Thanksgiving sticky buns. I coaxed her along to the finish line, grabbing her at the end and forcing her to sprint across the line. She said she didn't know she had a final kick in her until I started dragging her! Poor thing..... But she did it. We did it. Baby crossed his very first finish line in 38:56. And he's kicking up a storm, so I didn't kill him. Victory!!!

Now if only people thought I was pregnant and not just slow..... Next month, perhaps.... Am considering another 5K that I can run in my Santa stockings and boxer shorts. I may run it again under my fake name so that nobody can trace my dismal results. They should have a special asterix in the results next to the names of pregnant women. You know, to indicate that our bodies have been taken over by aliens and that we aren't who we used to be?!

So, we had a great holiday and I definitely felt like I had some bragging rights. Of course, when I go to the Dr. on Monday for my 20 week ultrasound (more like 19 weeks 2 days), I'm sure I'll get in trouble for the weight gain. But seriously, I've been eating salads and grilled chicken and Special K with skim milk. I work out more than the average pregnant woman. Throw me a bone here!

I braved the Black Friday crowds yesterday, but I can't say they were bad at all. Got up at the leisurely hour of 9am and then met up with my cousin and her husband for a trip to Babies R Us. We got there at 11:30 and I got their doorbuster $150 glider in espresso -- so the first thing for the baby's nursery has been purchased! Other than that, Black Friday was a bust, but I was pleased with the glider.

And that is about all that's up with me. I'm pretty boring, but I'm trying..... Maybe I'll become more exciting in the next few weeks!

It's a....

2009-10-21T17:24:00.000-07:00

BOY!!!

Well, there's a 6% chance she was wrong, but I saw the bits.

Baby is healthy and busy, hiccuping and twisting all over the place. Has a mild obsession with his hands....they must taste good and look pretty....not that he has his eyes open or anything.

Neuchal fold was 2.5 mm, which is at the upper end of normal, but more normal for a later NT scan like mine.

It was so good to finally see this baby looking like a baby. DH was totally enthralled with it, amazed that we had hands and feet and that they moved like a human. And when he found out it was a boy, I don't think I've seen him look happier. :) Such a relief to know that he finally realized what was happening and was finally "with" me.

Anyway, that's my update! Here's a pic.....

Time Consuming New Home

2009-10-18T08:52:00.000-07:00

I had no idea how much work was involved in new construction until we finally moved in....to our beautiful, spotless new home that was twice the size of our rental townhome, had no blinds at all, no garage door opener, and dirt for a backyard.

I think I've spent every waking moment unpacking, ordering things, or waiting around for delivery truck drivers. Insanity! Baby is definitely taking a backseat to all of this madness. I am 13 weeks 1 day today, and aside from some obnoxious "stretching" pains, all is well.....well enough that I can help hang blinds and fight with fencing contractors. I tell you what, I'm Psycho Bitch these days! ;) I blame it on the hormones.....

I hate to say that there's not much going on for exercising. 3-4 times a week at work, I jump on the elliptical or spin bike and go for 50 minutes of aerobic work. I watch Caesar Milan and enjoy the only time during the day when I don't feel like crap. I'm still expanding by about a pound a week, and truthfully, I cannot stop it. The weight gain is like a freaking freight train! I'd dearly love to eat healthy, but I've removed aspartame and other artificial sweeteners from my diet...the staple of "diet" food items that I've been living by for the past four years. I also have wrotten acid reflux that prevents me from eating things that are too acidic no matter how low cal they are. AND I have to constantly shovel food into my mouth, because if I don't, the nausea is just as bad as ever. How 'bout them excuses??

Today I should have gotten up for a run, but I am whooped. Absolutely exhausted from everything we've been doing. On the agenda for today? Cancelling the fence contractor's check (he is giving me the heebie geebies....I'm going to write checks to the neighbors instead), heading to the mall to buy some maternity work pants so I don't feel quite so fat, and back to the grocery store to feed my milk obsession. Aren't you terribly jealous of my very exciting day?

I'll update Wednesday after our NT scan. Hopefully all is well and the blob will look like a real baby. :)

Hobbling Along

2009-10-05T19:06:00.000-07:00

I'm pleased to report that I attempted to run once more this weekend. The weather has changed here in Colorado. It is cold, and time to whip out the pants and the ear warmers.... Jogging weather!

Unfortunately, we moved into our new house on Wednesday, and each subsequent night we made copious trips to the storage unit. Yours truly tweaked her upper back lifting a 10 lb box out of the car, and every minute since then has been torture.

Alas, I still thought a run was all I needed to feel better.

Wrong! Hey, it was a valiant effort, at least. I went 10 minutes up the road and decided that it hurt too much to hold my arms up. All that jumping up and down really killed my back. So I cried, then walked the rest of the way home dejectedly. (Oh, except when I came within eyesight of my street -- I sucked it up and ran straight to my driveway because I can't have the neighbors thinking I am a walker) Endurance wise, I think I'm still doing fine. Baby isn't making running that hard, and my legs felt strong. I was so bummed that my back of all things halted this glorious potential run.

Today, I attempted to do 50 minutes on the elliptical. Of course, 3 rotations in, I decided that it hurt my back way too much to tolerate, so I headed over to the spin bike and did a solid 40 minutes of intervals. I miss training so much! The only time in the day when I actually don't feel like crap is when I am exercising. I seriously should do it twice a day....except it makes me ravenous!

Oh, speaking of that, I seriously have a major tapeworm. I tried to deal with it today sensibly, but I did the math and it still was an abysmal attempt. I started out the day with a Carnation Instant Breakfast....one cup of milk, one packet of mix, and one tablespoon of peanut butter with ice. Yum!!! Then I had 2 whole wheat mini bagels at work that I shoved in my mouth at regular intervals so as not to yack, along with my 1 cup of coffee with 50 calories of creamer with it. (I'm creating a hardy child here -- no weaning off the coffee for me!) Then I had a string cheese. A 90 calorie granola bar. Lunch was a Weight Watchers ravioli, followed by a small apple sauce cup because I was getting desperate. I ended the work day with a regular Yoplait yogurt (I've weaned off the aspartame -- I'm going for an anatomically normal kiddo)....and then came home and had 3 holes in one! (You know, white bread with a hole in the middle.....cook the egg in it) 3 whole eggs. 3 slices of white bread. Holy crap! That's like.....10 points at least. Not to mention the margerine.

I'm so screwed.

Next appointment is on Wednesday. They switched it from the girl doctor to the guy doctor, so I am a little skeeved out. Thankfully DH will be there so I won't feel so creepy, but I'm still a bit bugged out by it all. And pissed I don't get another ultrasound!

Work is incredibly stressful and I still have a ton of crap to do with this house. I ordered blinds, but they won't arrive for another week. The couch also comes in 2 weeks. Need to buy a new flatscreen TV, since our 32 inch old school TV is pathetic in our huge living room. And then DH started in on the nursery....I never thought he'd bring it up himself, but suddenly he's Martha Stewart! I can see we may have a fight on our hands for the theme.

Oh, to top off all my extreme happiness, we met with the CFO today and my boss decided to tell him I was pregnant. Oh, gee, thanks for offering that little tidbit up. I bet he's really happy to learn about more lost productivity in the company.

Well, with that, I shall take my cranky butt to bed. 8:20.....How sad is that?

Where is this famed 2nd Trimester you all speak of? I'm 11 w 2 days today. Take away my nausea and give me a blast of energy! I'm ready!

Feeling left out

2009-09-28T18:54:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the congrats, Amanda and Amelia and Leah! (My only readers...I post for you!) :)

So, the past few weeks have been discouraging. I've been nauseous all day long, particularly in the mornings, so I've been loathe to leave the house to exercise on the weekends. I've been reduced to 50 minutes at lunch on the spin bike or elliptical, a few times a week at work.....and one yoga class per week. Of course, it's regular yoga, so I'm skipping the ab work and also the twisting motions. Once the bump arrives, I fear that will be the end of regular yoga. We spend so much time on our tummies or bending over, I cannot imagine what I will end up doing to pass the time.

On top of feeling like crap, we close on our house on Wednesday AND have to move out by 5pm the same day. So I am a bit of a wreck, trying to pack everything up and place it in storage as an interim holding place. My stomach has been a huge impediment, as I've discovered round ligament pain....it totally prohibits me from lifting anything over 20 lbs. Talk about a bummer. I'm mad!

My rec center's schedule has been atrocious for swimming, so I haven't done any swimming since I volunteered at Tri for the Cure in early August. Thankfully, swimming comes back easily for me, so I'm not too concerned about starting it up later in pregnancy.

I'm still in denial, btw. I think I'll be like you, Leah. Detached until the end. I wish I wasn't, but somehow I still don't believe there's a baby in there. I've just gained 7 lbs for nothing. (Don't get me started on the weight gain....what the hell?!!!)

The prenatal care is also making me nuts. My uber conservative company has purposely excluded genetic testing from our maternity coverage, so the $700 NT scan which tells us our risk for Downs and other genetic disorders (and gives us the only ultrasound in between the Blob stage and the anatomy scan) is out of pocket!! I canceled the test. I can't spend that kind of money right now to be told I have a 1 in 1000 chance of having a kid with Downs. I'm thinking I'll wait until 15 weeks to get the Quad Screen blood test. But I'm still mad about the cost of the nT scan and intend to bitch about it to the Dr. next week when I go for my regular appointment.

I guess that's my update. I'm totally out of shape, too nauseous to work out in the mornings, and panicky that I'll never get back to the way I used to be. All my old friends did the OC Tri this past weekend, and I stared at the results page for an hour this morning, wondering where I would have been last year vs. how pathetic I would have been this year. (Heck, in my condition, I wouldn't have finished!) Pre-partum depression? Yeah, that's me. Or it's just me being stressed and hating the fact that I can't button any of my pants.

Why did I do this again?

Oh, so someone can afford to put me in the retirement home when I turn 90.

:)

On Hiatus

2009-09-13T09:29:00.000-07:00

I've been gone for about 8 weeks now. Mainly because I haven't been training, racing, or doing much of anything aside from hanging on.

You see, the improbable has happened.

Now, before you go thinking this was an accident, you might be surprised that this was 100% planned. I'm not stupid! (Although I kind of feel that way right now)

Meet the spawn. The parasite. Voldemort. The next member of our family. :) Right now, the blob is 8 weeks, 1 day old.......in this picture, it was 7 weeks, 4 days.

We are very happy, but at the same time, I'm not really the model pregnant woman. I'm thankful to have a healthy baby, but I loathe being pregnant. I hate what it's done to my energy levels. I hate feeling so nauseous all day long that I just want to cry. I hate having crazy food and smell aversions. I hate the extra lbs and squishiness. Oh my gosh, it's torture! Not to mention the skin breakouts and the gargantuan boobs.

My workouts have been pathetic as of late. When I do have the energy for them, it's usually a slow aerobic bike ride averaging 16-17 mph for only an hour and ten minutes. I've got random 20-milers logged here and there. The running sucks pretty bad. I get winded so easily, so I am constantly walking to get my rate of perceived exertion back down to an acceptable range. My rec center pool's swim schedule blows, so I haven't been to the pool yet, either. I can manage 50 minutes on the elliptical at work, but only if I have the time and my boss lets me go over my lunch hour.....lately, she hasn't been so willing. We've been working crazy hours and I just feel myself slipping away.

ugh! Anyway, I struggle every day with feeling so miserable when I should be so thankful. I know it won't have any impact on how I feel about this baby once it arrives, but I still am weirded out by everything. Even hearing the heartbeat was a freakish experience. That's coming from ME?! There's something alive inside of me? Oh my gosh -- so weird.

I'm signed up for next year's triathlon season. I'll be going to swim practices starting in February....so hopefully I'll be in really good shape by the time delivery rolls around on April 24th. But we'll see. I've got my medical deferral to Boulder 70.3 next year, so the goal is to just toe the line the first week in August. Wonder if I can do it?!

We are also closing on our new house on the 30th of September. We've been squared away on the loan side for over 2 months now, but the inspections on the home are insane. I'll be leaving work for a few hours here and there for the next few weeks, but I'm not allowed to take more than a 1/2 day off because we're in the busy season. Lucky me! So we're packing on the weekends and putting boxes into a storage unit. I'm so stressed, but I guess we'll manage to work it out.

So that's my update! Will try to post more regularly now that my secret's out. Still trying to keep it quiet on Facebook while I get over it a little more.....but what can you do?

All Talk, No Action

2009-07-27T07:41:00.000-07:00

Saturday night, I put my bike in the back seat of my car. I packed up my wetsuit and my race gear and stashed it into my backpack. I set my coffee machine to brew a nice cup o' joe at 4:50am. I mixed all my nutrition into bottles and stored it in the fridge. I even went to bed early.....

...but at 11pm, I panicked. I had trouble catching a breathe. Breathing deeply was extremely painful, if not impossible. My primary care physician seemed concerned, but decided it was likely acid reflux and that I should take a Zantac and see how I felt a few hours later....so off to the store we went to buy Zantac.

By 1am, I had a fever of over 101. And I still couldn't breathe, which totally freaked me out. Walking around made me feel dizzy and nauseous. I spent the entire night on the couch watching Cops!

Obviously this put to bed any hopes of racing that I had, since I could barely stand up...... At 7am, I woke up DH and asked him to take me to urgent care. We sped off and urgent care did an EKG and chest x-rays...... They couldn't do blood tests or anything else, but they were definitely concerned enough to call me in to the local emergency room for further testing. I was showing all the signs of a pulmonary embolism, and that freaked me out beyond belief.

So off we went to the local hospital. They got me into a room pretty quickly, then proceeded to stick me all over the place to get blood and push fluids. I was FREEZING! Poor DH stole a Time magazine from the waiting room and attempted to spread out reading it for 6 hours. He was *so* bored. They took me in for a CT scan with contrast, and that was the weirdest thing ever. It shoots hot dye into your veins and you feel like every part of your body is on fire for a minute. Wowee! I had a horrific fever of about 103, but they never gave me anything for it, so I shivered for hours under 4 blankets. It was horrific.

So at the end of the day, the general consensus was that I had viral bronchitis.

Huh?!

No coughing. No snotty nose. Nothing you would associate with bronchitis. But I am blood clot and pneumonia free.

They sent me home with an inhaler and told me to keep taking Advil and Tylenol to make the fever more comfortable.

Upon further reading online, I've found that a huge number of people taking Macrobid for bladder infections (I had been on it for 6 days prior to this event....took my pill at 7pm Saturday night) that have had my exact same symptoms! Even this many days into use, they complain of the difficulty breathing and the flu-like symptoms. So while the ER doc says it's Bronchitis, I'm still sticking to my guns that this was a very bad reaction to Macrobid, and you can bet I'm putting that drug allergy all over my charts in the future.

I'm slightly better today. Fever is down 2 degrees. I'm not nauseous anymore. I can actually take a deep breath and not feel like I'm going to die. My coloring is better. DH says I'm like a changed woman. Still not going to work today, but at least I am mobile.

So, what a change in events, huh? Within a 2 hour period, my life changed so dramatically..... People who saw me on Saturday even doubted my story, because I was totally normal! I mean, how bizarre? All this heeing and hawing over the Half Ironman, and I didn't even make it to the starting line. I am beyond upset about that, but I'm very thankful that I'm not facing down a blood clot in my lungs or something more devastating.

Life's bizarre, eh? I think I'm done with the surprises for this month, though..... Off to the couch.

Cold Feet

2009-07-23T18:05:00.000-07:00

Yeah....so.....3 miles into my purposeless run last night, I thought to myself, "what was I thinking?!" 13.1 miles would kill me, I am certain of it.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do on Sunday now. Or what I'm trying to prove.

I hope I figure it out.

Temporary Insanity

2009-07-21T20:53:00.000-07:00

*I* am all clear.

Dr. Asshat said I'm totally recovered. Only 10 degrees of flexion left to regain, but that will come if I really work on it. He said, "Have fun this summer. Don't hurt yourself again."

SO........

I'm going to do something potentially stupid this weekend. Potentially stupid, and potentially impossible. You see, this Sunday is a practice triathlon for the Boulder Long Course. My team is offering 2 options -- the Oly distance and the Long Course. I'm signed up for the Oly, which will be a stretch in itself since I haven't done any of the distances yet in training this summer with the exception of the swim.

But no. That's not the stupid part. The stupid part is I think I'm going to do the 56 mile bike course.

On no training.

Now, before you think I'm crazy, I think it's something I could do. It might wreck me, but I don't have anything to save these legs for. I got denied my chance to do the Boulder Long Course this year, so I feel like I still have a lot to prove to myself. I think if I take it easy, why can't I ride 56 miles?! I'm a strong cyclist. I love my bike. Just give me some buttr and I'm good to go......

But the crazy crazy part? Part of me really wants to do the run, too. Yeah, the run....13.1 miles.....on a long run of 5 miles. With a swelled knee.

Stupid! I know! So incredibly stupid. But when else am I going to have the chance? There will be plenty of other women doing it in 8 hours. Surely I can at least give it a shot? I mean, if I get too tired on the bike, I can just call coach to come pick me up in the Sag wagon. And if I get too tired for the run, I just don't do the run. Or I do one loop. I'll be walk-running it anyway, so what harm can I do?

I imagine this is creating a lot of heartburn right now. But I'm pretty calm. I have nothing to lose. I don't think I can hurt myself because I won't be pushing it. I'm gonna hurt. I'm going to be sore. And I may fail miserably.....but I really, really want to try.

So with that, I'm going to take my slightly crazy arse to bed to dream of 56 miles and what could have been this summer.....

Getting Back in Action

2009-07-12T06:31:00.000-07:00

So, it's been a wild two months. I don't think I expected the whole knee thing to be as painful as it was, but I also cannot believe that I was ever on crutches or even in pain for so long. It feels like a mostly distant memory!

This past week, I've really stepped up the workouts so that I can start to feel like myself again. After our 4th of July trip to Aspen and 6+ miles of hiking, I knew I had no more excuses.

So, 2 days of hour-long elliptical sessions while watching the Tour de France whetted my appetite a bit. Then I hopped on my bike after work and rattled off a quick 20-miler, feeling brilliant the entire time. And then I decided to help my friend run her first 5K *ever* using a 2 min walk/1 min run interval (perfect for my out of shape butt!)..... And yesterday morning, I got up early and drove over to the Gravel Pond for a 45-minute continuous aerobic swim. It was phenomenally gorgeous out, the water was refreshing, and I was so, so thankful to be out there.

Today, I'm trying out mountain biking. Well, trying out is selling myself a little short. I have been off road with my mountain bike a few times, but I am a scaredy cat. I found some open space a few highway exits South, so I'm looking forward to the change of pace. I hope I'm not too much of a pansy!

On the home front, am happy to report that my plot of dirt now has a poured foundation in it! Footers went in 10 days ago, and foundation walls got poured 3 days ago. I expect they'll start framing here shortly, and then the countdown is on. I am starting to get excited, which is bizarre because I really haven't cared so much since we went under contract.

Wednesday is my last appointment with Dr. Asshat. Now, I don't intend to sing his praises, because I do still feel some swelling in the knee, and I do still have a dull pain in the back of the knee where the old pain used to be. It's different now, of course, but it's not gone like I was hoping. Now, I can do more these days than I could before the surgery, but is it possible he operated on the wrong thing? Must run between now and then and see what I think.....

Until then, time to enjoy the rest of the weekend....

Sunday Sunday Sunday!!

2009-06-29T20:03:00.000-07:00

5 weeks and 3 days after surgery, I can proudly say that I am yet again...

....a triathlete!!

And not just a triathlete who can bike, swim, and walk a run. I was a triathlete who swam, biked, and even managed to do 1 min walk/1 min run intervals! Oh yes, this stiff knee was RUNNING!!! Holy cow, I am still shocked and slap happy just at the memory of it. No, it wasn't easy. No, at the time, running wasn't fun. But I SO did it. Boo-yah!

The race was actually a rehearsal put on by my team up in Boulder. It was incredibly well done, and for all intents and purposes, it was a race....just minus the timing mats. I switched at the last minute to wave 3, which was the 5430 Sprint Course. 800 meter swim, 17.3 mile bike, 3.1 mile run. I figured that since I have only swam once in 5 weeks, biked twice (17 miles total for both rides combined), and hadn't run in 12 weeks, that perhaps the Olympic distance wasn't the smartest move on the planet.

So, I started out in the swim and was shocked when two girls went zooming past me. What happened to my beautiful speed? Well, it's gone. But I hung in there and I'm pretty sure that only 1 other person got past me....I came out of the water with two women in front of me, and maybe one off in the distance. (Maybe 50 in the wave?) I walked to my bike, still scared to run, and wanting to conserve as much as possible. I was devastated when I got out of the water and looked down at my watch and saw 19 minutes. 19 minutes!!! I am not that slow, even on a bad day, so either I swam circles around the buoys, or the course was long.....that swim should have had me in the middle of the pack. Not 4th.

Anyway, since it wasn't a race, I answered questions about my knee in transition. Some of my ex-poolmates were wondering how I was doing...very cute. And then a guy from work yelled over from the fence and I was shocked...he was pre-riding the Boulder Peak course and somehow recognized me as I was trying to get out of my wetsuit! Anyway, he was like, "how's the knee?" Ugh!! We'll see.....

Off I went on the bike. I was out of breath and tired. Shocker! But I picked off the girls within reach and then closed the gap on the rest of them. It was a false flat to the highway, and I was struggling to go 14 mph. It was so frustrating! Every time I put the bike into a harder gear, I'd feel pressure behind the kneecap, get scared, and then shift down. I stopped at every stoplight like a good citizen. I played tag with a few women who weren't good citizens. And then when I got on the highway, I managed to pull away from the rest of them. The road back to the Reservoir was a gorgeous, quiet country road that was all downhill. It was absolute heaven and my biker dream....it was just too bad I was too weak to have a good first part of the course. I think I averaged 21 mph for the last 10 miles of the course. Not a person in sight. I loved it!

I came into transition with not a bike in sight. Well, there were 2 over in the Olympic duathlon side, but I was the first in my Sprint section. Woohoo! I grabbed my stuff and ran out, smiling because I was *running.* Don't get me wrong, I was practically moving, but it technically counted as running.

I quickly learned that running for longer than a minute created a little pressure and discomfort in back of my leg, so I forced myself to stick to the 1 min/1 min interval. It worked well for me, as I didn't get stiff until 10 seconds until the end of my run interval! I will admit, I ran about 3 minutes at the end to get to the finish line. I didn't Sprint it in. I just kept it slow and steady and smiled as Coach announced my name with her loudspeaker and congratulated me. I was ALL smiles.

I am not a cripple!!!

I WILL one day be able to run again. Better than I ran yesterday.

I LOVE being back in action. Love it. Adore it. Just thinking about it was invigorating. Yes, I was slower than you-know-what (even with that stellar second half course, I was still a good 10 minutes off a decent time for that bike course). YES, I was racing against women who'd never raced before, so it wasn't a fair comparison. But I was just happy to be there. I *love* this sport. I *love* my bike. I *love* being able to feel that runner's high again. Heck, even 4am wasn't so bad.

I'm back!

(And I am pleased to report that the knee is the only body part today that doesn't hurt......)

I'm now trying to decide when my next "real" race should be. I'm thinking September might be enough time to regain my run strength....gotta find some obscure race so I'll feel better about myself......

Bike to Work Day

2009-06-24T18:21:00.000-07:00

I did it!! Woohoo!

A week ago today, I was thinking that perhaps I wouldn't be able to participate. Wasn't sure how things would work out. But today, I got up at 6am, met my friend at 6:30, and off we went on an easy 7 mile ride to the office. I was *so* excited to be out there.

Now, the ride home was a little more challenging thanks to some residual knee swelling, but I still logged 14 miles for the day....the most I have done in over 5 weeks.

Coloradoans hate cyclists, it's the craziest thing. In SoCal, when we rode Santiago, I never once saw any road rage and the drivers were always courteous. Out here, it's like I had devil horns on my helmet. I just don't understand why drivers get so cranky?! OK, maybe I do....I've seen those jerkoff cyclists who blow through intersections without stopping and ride two and three abreast with no shoulder....but my friend and I were signalling, stopping, law-abiding mommas (minus the 1/4 mile we had to ride the sidewalk because the road was too busy and scary for us). Most cars were kind, but a few made some dangerous moves and it really made me mad. My friend is 2 years out from a major accident she had with a bike that went around her and then hit her on a turn. So to see people do similar things to what hurt her was really disturbing.

Come on, Colorado. Share the road. Everybody behave. This road rage is beyond ridiculous!!!

So now, I'm off my soap box. Next step is Sunday, when I do a mock triathlon in Boulder. 1.2 mile swim, 17 mile bike.....and then I'll test out my run! (it's pathetic -- I drag the leg around while going 12 min/mile, judging by my test run out to my car in the hail yesterday)

Progress. It's a good thing.

Back in Action

2009-06-17T20:35:00.000-07:00

Woohoo!! Almost 4 weeks to the day, I am back. In the water, that is. I got off my lazy butt today and drove to the gravel pond, where 3 billion Colorado triathletes converged for an afternoon of "open water swimming." If you can call it that. It's basically swimming in a freezing cool pool devoid of life. No sense of adventure at all.

The hardest part of my swim was the walk from the parking lot in my flip flops, but I managed. Coach didn't seem too shocked to see me. Nor did she look like she missed me much. Downfall of having a coach who works with 500 women... Asst. coach said she could see I was "stiff." Damn!

Anyway, got into my wetsuit pretty quickly and then I hopped in and went for it. No use acclimating....it was colder than you-know-what out there! I thought I had warmed up by the time I had finished, but that was totally not the case. My ears burned for a half hour after I got out. ??!!! Burrrr..... I always used to think that nothing could top the mighty Pacific near Santa Barbara, but I think the icy cold Colorado water MIGHT just have it beat. Either that, or I've lost my nerve.

I think I did the 1000 meter loop. I swear it was longer, but I didn't wear a watch and didn't bother listening when they described the lengths. Maybe longer. Honestly, I was just glad I showed up. I tried kicking a few times, but who am I kidding? I don't kick in a wetsuit! But the little flutters I did manage to put out didn't hurt. Score!

There's another practice out at the gravel pond on Saturday. And then on Sunday, maybe I will see if the hubs wants to take a little stroll on the mountain bikes?? I am not totally comfortable on the bike yet, but he did say I could do it in 4 weeks. 4 weeks is tomorrow. Why not?

On a totally different note, I'm agonizing over DH's bad luck with Xpress Jet. He received a call back in April from a collections agency telling him he owed $600 for a uniform he supposedly received. DH laughed it off and told them they were nuts, as he was never even employed with Xpress Jet. I mean, when he failed his last check ride, they took everything from him right then and there. His training binders and access badge. He never received a uniform! But then a week or so later, we got the official letter from collections in the mail. We lodged a formal complaint to them and to Xpress Jet, explaining why these charges are false and asking them to provide some sort of validation of debt. According to consumer protection laws, they have 30 days to provide this. If they fail to furnish it, then you are pretty much in the clear. But then I hear that this company is contacting people outside of those 30 days and sending brand new invoices to people with different dollar amounts! It's so sketchy. And I am so angry that if I even get one iota of contact from them, I 'm going to pay $600 for the meanest SOB lawyer I can find to fight them. And if they touch his credit report, I'll lose my mind.

Anyway, they received our letter on the 8th of May. It's now June 16. I rush to the mailbox every single day, freaking out. In my heart of hearts, I just know it's going to come back and bite us in the butt. Of course, we've got a committment letter for financing from the bank on our new home, but what happens when we come to close?! I'm just petrified. Angry. Really, really devastated that you can do everything right in life and STILL be slandered by companies like this.

I mean, Xpress Jet already destroyed DH's dreams of flying for a career. Must they destroy his credit as well? It's really, really low.....and they are totally in the wrong here. I'm itching to stick a lawyer on them if this goes downhill.

Ugh!! Anyway, that's my stress. Less concerned with the knee now that it mostly bends....and now I worry about the house. And financing. And credit reports. Man, it sucks to be an adult!

You can't tell I'm a cripple!

2009-06-15T21:22:00.000-07:00

Oh yes. Momentous day indeed. Today, I did not limp. In fact, everyone at work had to do a double take. AND I was wearing heels for the first time in 3 months.

Take that, knee! I'm coming back.....

Slacker

2009-06-13T07:45:00.000-07:00

I am. I really am.

While I have been cleared to swim since Monday, something is keeping me from the pool and the Lake. I can't quite describe it, but I think it's something to do with fear. Fear that when I do my pathetic little flutter kick, that pain I had originally will come back and then the past 3 weeks will have been all for naught. Those pesky rejected insurance claims for stupid reasons might not even be for a surgery I needed. It's a terrible feeling.

This morning, I had planned to do my first open water swim of the season. I had good intentions yesterday morning, but as the day moved on and my leg got more swelled, I just gave up on the idea. My incisions are healing, but they did hurt for the first time in a few days yesterday. A sign? Don't swim!

So this weekend is another weekend of inactivity. I shall sit on the trainer for 10 minutes or so and get the knee moving, but other than that, all I will be doing is walking around. What a life.

On a happier (or is it, freaked out) note, we are under contract officially for our house! Permit application has been submitted, so with luck the foundation will get staked in a few weeks and then we'll be talking dirt start. Woohoo!

We hit the design center on Thursday, and that was an eye-opener. What a shocker that our sales agent at the property undershot our upgrade costs by 50%!!! My poor husband is in shell shock after seeing how much it will cost him to get the home the way he wants it. We are definitely going to be scrimping, and my triathlon-ing will definitely be targeted!

Here's the outside elevation of our new digs. About 2050 square feet, 3 bed, 2 1/2 bath, with study and unfinished basement. I'm more in love with the location than the house....but then again, I can live with any house. I'm a developer --- location, location, location!

130 degrees

2009-06-08T19:44:00.000-07:00

Boo-ya!

I had physical therapy tonight, after a weekend on my feet. The limp is considerably less noticeable, although the pain under the kneecap from the swelling slows me down a little bit. I'm finally able to sleep the way I want to at night, without the knee propped up on 2 pillows. And I can shave! Woohoo!

Anyway, back to PT. First time on the spin bike, I got one full revolution....and then I kept going! I did 40 rpms for 5 minutes. No, it was not pleasurable, but I was mighty pleased with myself. Then we headed over to the wall and did a bunch of leg raises to the side with both legs.....and then the weight machine, for leg extensions....and then more resistance training....and then I did the calf raises....

NO PAIN!!!!

I kid you not, before the surgery I was unable to complete 1/2 of these exercises because the evil creature in back of my knee would not permit it. I was literally whimpering in my last session before the surgery.

Today? I didn't even think about it. Felt great. And I did it all, much to my therapist's amazement. He says I am progressing by leaps and bounds....and when we did the flexion test, I graduated from the table and had to move over to the floor. 130 degrees hurt, but I DID IT!

So, there is hope......renewed faith in medicine..... Perhaps I did the right thing by electing to do this surgery? It's been quite a trip, that's for sure. I am going to hit the gravel pond on Wednesday for my 1st open water swim of the season (aside from Lake Las Vegas in the race), so we'll see how that goes. (No worries, Amelia, I will be nearly 3 weeks post op.....no open wounds....in fact, the scabs are falling off! TMI, I know)

With that, I shall return to my kitty. He's been very demanding and he hates it when I blog. So hard to resist the cuteness.

Slowly coming around

2009-06-05T19:56:00.001-07:00

For the first time in 2 weeks, I'm starting to feel like I won't have to live the rest of my life crippled.

I am recovering!

Yesterday, I was having a bad morning. Really swelled. Trouble walking. Pain in my quad. I was sitting at my desk, and I just could not pull my leg to 90 degrees. Pain and suffering.

THEN, I went to PT. Since Colorado is a no-referral state, I was able to pay out of pocket and go on my own, against my egotistical orthopedic surgeon's orders. Thank goodness for this.

We started out on the spin bike, where I could make it 1/2 a revolution one direction, and then 1/2 a revolution back. It was pathetic! So off to the weight machine, where we just extended my legs in the seated position. THEN, he had me latch my ankles on top of the bar and start going down..... He was asking me about LIBOR, since I told him I was more familiar with that than single family mortgage rates. Halfway through my diatribe, I looked down and saw I was at 90 degrees and said, "You don't want to talk about interest rates -- you are trying to distract me!" He just laughed. Tricky, tricky.

After the machine, I went back on the spin bike, where after 3 tries, I made 1 whole revolution and then continued spin for 10 minutes! Holy cow! It was like a vice around my quad had released. Even though it felt uncomfortable every single time, I was 100% better than before. In fact, I could see my knee again...the swelling sitting above my knee in my quad just sort of dispersed. It was....magic.

So we went over to the bench and we worked a little farther on getting the knee bent, gently moving it forward and backwards. I measured 117 degrees of flexion, only 3 degrees from where I am supposed to be on Monday! A small miracle.

Therapist didn't want me to walk with a limp anymore. He said even if I have to walk slower than a turtle, it's better than walking with a limp. So I've been grandma-walking for two days now, but I'm seeing improvement!

Anyway, it's all very exciting. And to think my prick of a surgeon didn't think I needed PT?! I'm a pansy....I need to be pushed....but I also needed someone who has experience with regaining range of motion. I'm so angry it's taken me THIS long. I should have been in there last week. Seriously, I've had it up to here with my surgeon's massive ego. I really think he didn't want me doing PT because he thinks he has made my knee perfect and he doesn't want me attributing any of the surgery's success to somebody else. Insanity.

On the home front, we are apparently still under contract. I haven't seen the signed version of this contract, but they have my check. So if all goes well, we should be moving at the end of September/sometime in October!

Time to get versed on interior upgrades and hit up Home Depot for some estimates on things we may want to do on our own.....

Slowly Losing My Mind

2009-06-01T17:06:00.001-07:00

Day 10.

Stitches came out today. I asked him if it was going to hurt, and he said, "yes." Like I was stupid or something. I was expecting some sort of topical anesthetic or something, but he just yanked and snipped. As the medical assistant left the room, I sobbed. Holy SHIT this whole knee thing really sucks.

Surgeon came in. "Any calf cramps or pains?" No. "Get that sock off. You look like an old woman." Gee, thanks. "Your meniscus was intact. I removed your plica. About 40% of the population have plica, and 2% have problems with it, symptomatic of torn cartilage. I removed it, and your knee looks great." Yes, thanks....I googled it after the surgery. So, when do I start physical therapy? "You don't need it. Do your leg raises. You can start running and biking in 3 weeks. Swimming in one week. I'll see you in six." But what about my knee flexion? How far should I be able to get it now? "Show me." (I show him 75 degrees of flexion, which is pretty damn good for me right now) "That sucks. Get it to 120 by next week. If you can't, call me."

That was it. A-Hole anti-PT left the room, and I was so shook up I left my Blackberry there. I hobbled out of the room and all I could think was, "how in the hell am I supposed to be able to run in 3 weeks? I can't even walk without a terrible limp!" It's true. I walk like a freaking Grandma, with my hand on my hip, my butt sticking out, walking a 60-minute mile. Insanity.

I'm just so exasperated. I have e-mailed my physical therapist, who I am not in love with, but how bad can he hurt me? I don't need a referral for him since he's out of network. But $40 for a 1/2 hour really adds up. I'll see him this week and see if he can help me get my range of motion back. I just really, desperately need the help. And I am absolutely floored that this surgeon refuses to send me to PT! I know he is old school, but he practically wrote the book on arthroscopic knee surgery. He does good work. But how his patients ever recover is beyong me.

His parting words were, "you're a strong girl. You'll manage."

Eff you, buddy! I'm beyond cranky....

And to top it all off, I am sans Blackberry and feel positively naked without it! DH is going to have to go retrieve it before work for me tomorrow. And of course, that's the phone that the home builder has....and we are expecting word on our long-lost contract and the Design Center.

And if all of that wasn't enough, I'm as big as a freaking house and too afraid to weigh myself. I need a WW intervention BADLY.

But until then, I shall continue to suffer through the day. This strong girl just wants to sit on the couch with her leg elevated and have a good cry. 3 weeks to running? If only!!!

Like a Football....

2009-05-28T19:38:00.000-07:00

Day 7!

And that, my friends, will be the final exclamation point of the evening.

I've been back to work for 2 days now. At 2pm this afternoon, my foot turned purple and my whole leg started throbbing. My sister, the vet tech who actually knows her stuff, told me to get my bandage OFF and to get home ASAP to elevate it. So I left work a few hours early, put on some shorts, and took off the compression bandage my physical therapist had wrapped.... And my kneecap was swimming in a bowl of goo!! Not to mention the sutures....ugh, the skin was so swelled that the sutures were puckering like the seams of a football. It was disgusting.

So, here I am, laying on my back, elevating, icing, and being a "get me more Diet coke!" kind of person while my family looks after me. I feel guilty about it, since I'm technically supposed to be better. I guess returning to work 2 days early really didn't do me any favors.

On the plus side, I made it half the day without crutches. I am slow, but I try. When the swelling gets bad, I can feel the pain under the kneecap and walking hurts too much, so I have to crutch again. What a pain in the rear.

Am on the fence about work tomorrow. I may bring an extra pillow and see if that does the trick...but if not, 1/2 day for me and then it'll be a weekend on the couch. I'm determined to get these stitches out and walk into the Dr. office on Monday without the crutches!

Aside from that, our offer on the house goes hard tomorrow. Apparently 2 of the 3 bigwhigs have signed it, and the 3rd is just a technicality, so hopefully I'll have it in my hot little hands tomorrow. Part of me just wants it over with. The other part looks at the mortgage rate increase today and wants to cry. DH is over the moon thrilled, so I continue to smile at that thought alone. Now all I need to do is bust some balls at the design center to get what I want!

With that, I'll quit my bitchin' for the night. Day 7 goes to the knee. Here's to a Day 8 victory for me.

Things I've done under the influence of Percoset

2009-05-26T13:33:00.000-07:00

1. Almost thrown up while riding in the car.

2. Fell "up" the stairs and had to be picked up.

3. Giggled hysterically for 3 days straight when not in excruciating pain.

4. Bought a house.

Ha! Yeah, #4 gets me every time. DH and I went under contract on a new construction home this weekend. I was 12 hours off the opiate, so I wasn't totally out of my mind....but I do have it written into the contract that I have until Friday to get my money back. So far, it still isn't seeming like too bad of an idea..... (Did you see that?? I weaned myself off the painkiller after only 2 days!!! Hurt like hell but I am strong like OX!)

Now, to the guy on the internet who had Plica removal surgery and said he was golfing the next day? YOU ARE A LIAR. Swear to God, he must not have had his knee innerds removed or something, because I have been a swollen (although according to my physical therapist, not bad at all), pained MESS over the past few days. I'm only bending 30 degrees. Shoving my leg into the car is a pain in the rear and hurts, so I dread driving tomorow. Still can't get the dressing wet, so I'm taking modified bathes and washing my hair in the kitchen sink. My back kills from sitting on this horrible couch all day. My Advil wears off like clockwork at 4:00am and then it takes a whole hour for the new dose to work so I can get back to sleep.

What a freaking nightmare this has been! To top it off, everyone says I don't "need" the crutches after 3 days. And while that might be true if all you are doing is going up to go the bathroom, I'm touring construction sites and walking through design centers and asking questions at Home Depot!!! Seriously, my throbbing knee calls it quits halfway through the day and I get so frustrated with my limping speed that I crutch the rest of the day just to catch a break. I know that every day gets better, but I feel sorry for myself.

Physical Therapist who I wasn't supposed to see yet took my dressing off and DH snapped a few photos. Wounds look really good and this morning, the swelling wasn't too bad. Of course, I feel more swelling in BACK of my knee, but you can't see that at all. Here are a few fun ones....skip to last if you get queesy:

I'm a whiner

2009-05-23T09:04:00.000-07:00

Am rapidly approaching the 40-hour post surgery mark, and I am undoubtedly a whiny, bratty patient.

Since I cannot remove my dressing, I have no idea how swelled this lovely knee of mine is. But I do know that every four hours, it starts to throb, and a deep aching sensation overwhelms the joint and then travels up my thigh to my hips. Holy SH*T it hurts! So then I have to take a Percoset. Now, they gave me 3 days worth, assuming I'd take 2 pills every 4 hours. Yesterday, I had to take one every 3 hours....today, I'm hoping to go back to every 4 hours...but we shall see. Instead of getting less painful, I feel like it's a tiny bit worse. My sister says 48-72 hours afterwards will be the worst.... I hope she is wrong! Here's my lovely back-lit knee. And my sexy TED compression socks. I'd wear my Skins, but I don't think I could pry them over these honkin' huge bandages.

I can weight-bear, but I don't like it. It seems to create more throbbing when I finally get back to my spot on the couch. I have NO IDEA how I am supposed to get along without crutches after tomorrow.... I guess I just do what I can, and when it hurts, pull them out for some relief. These are my crutch ponies....I got them from Amazon and they are the best crutch accessory EVER!!! My sister was embarassed walking around with them at the surgery center, but I heart them. So cushy and cute. If you know of any kids stuck on crutches, they make all sorts of stuffed animals for them:

At this point, I don't care about how long it takes to run again. I just want this immediate pain to go away and to regain full mobility in the leg! My hubby asked me if I would do this all over again....and to be honest, I am withholding judgement until I find out that this was the cause of all my pain in the first place. If it's gone for good, then hell yes, this is worth it.

It's only bad every four hours, anyway....

So, I'm a little stank today. Haven't showered since Thursday morning. I can't get the dressing wet, and it's my left leg....all our tubs are "right entry" tubs, so it's not like I'm going to be able to lay in the tub with a leg out. Do you just tape yourself into a garbage bag and have at the shower?? French bath for a week with hair done in the kitchen sink??? We clearly have not given this much thought, but I'm getting a little self conscious and can't tell if the smell is the leftover iodine under my dressing or ME. :)

I guess with that I'll quit my bitching and take my smelly self back to my dizzy happy place. How people take Percoset recreationally is BEYOND me. I cannot wait until I don't need it! As soon as the throbbing disappears, so does this insane opiate that makes me nauseous when I stand up and giggly as all hell. Who wants to laugh all the time?! Ugh. It DID make for interesting dreams after finishing Book 10 of Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse series. Eric and Bill and Sam....so very vivid on Percoset. :)

Thanks for the good whine.....

All done!

2009-05-22T09:09:00.000-07:00

So, 20 hours post-op....sitting on my couch with the throbbing left leg up in the air. But I have good news.

My meniscus was intact!!! Total shocker, actually. The PA said that sometimes the MRIs aren't right....that a signal abnormality could be an error in the image. They pulled on the posterior horn and took a picture with the scope, and there was no tear present. ACL was gorgeous. MCL was intact.

But they discovered that I had plica tissue that was absolutely shredded. I have a picture of it and it's really stringy and gross. I guess it's a shelf of tissue in your knee compartment, leftover from fetal development. It attaches to the femur, and my femur was really pissed off at this damaged plica. The surgeon removed the plica and shaved the damaged part of my femur. Stiched me back up in a 1/2 hour......I was his "happy" case for the day.

General anesthesia was a piece of cake. A nice older German lady was my anesthesiologist, and she was so cute and funny. She talked to me about my tooth (bonded, prone to chipping) and decided to put me under via mask instead of intubation. I swallowed an antacid drink that was totally gross, and then they wheeled me in. I remember the surgeon telling me that he heard I was friends with Sarah, and that he had to take care of me....I laughed, then felt the burn go into my hand and knew I was going to be out from then on.

Woke up in recovery, totally fine. I was warm, lucid.....I think it took 10 minutes and I was drinking apple juice and eating graham crackers, in exchange for my 1st Percoset. :) My sister came in to be with me, and then I got dressed and was wheeled out.

I guess this is the best possible outcome for me. He is reasonably confident my issues were caused by this plica, since everything else was fine. I will be on crutches for 3 days until the swelling goes down and it's more comfortable to walk. I'm "weight bearing while comfortable," so I suspect that means if I have to go far, I'll use the crutches.... I go in 10 days from now to get the dressing off and take out the stitches...then I get the "plan."

He mentioned to my sister that it's a 6-week recovery. SO, let's hope he's right!! I suspect I'll get cleared for swimming first, and then biking.... I've gone around him and scheduled physical therapy for this coming Tuesday. I find it hard to believe he didn't let me do it post-op, so I'm paying on my own. My PT wants to do some iontophoresis for pain management and also work on strengthening my quad with some electrode action....maybe look into my range of motion. I do trust him, so hopefully he can get me back into things more quickly than just the surgeon alone.

I am doing okay pain-wise. Every four-eight hours, when the Percoset and Advil wear off concurrently, I get some pretty bad throbbing and wonder why I've done this. But most of the time, it is tolerable and I am glad I am on the road to recovery.

I'm lucid, right? You understand this post?? Ah!!! I love being functional. I was actually hoping the Percoset would knock me on my ass, but this works just as well....

With that, it's off to sleepy-sleepy time. Amanda, Leah, and Amelia, thanks for all the well wishes!

Last day of mobility

2009-05-20T17:56:00.000-07:00

I'm cleaning all my underwear and moving everything down a shelf so that I can reach it easily. I've positioned the couch so that I can play Guitar Hero comfortably. I even bought 4 books with over 3,000 pages to read, so hopefully I shall be occupied. Work is ticked and tied. My swimsuit has been hung to dry. My beautiful bike sits on the trainer, anxiously awaiting my return.....

I go in at 12:15pm tomorrow for a 2:15pm surgery. At that time, he'll decide if he can do anything at all, repair it, or just shave it/remove it. So I can't really predict what my recovery will be like, since this is exploratory for all intents and purposes. But I'm hoping it's going to be a repair so that I'll have many years of meniscus pounding ahead of me.

Sixtwothreetries, I hope to be one of your comeback kids in 6-8 months!

Peace. :)

Winding Down

2009-05-14T19:52:00.000-07:00

I'm calling this week "A Celebration of Mobility."

Today at work, I made my minions take a 20 minute walk with me. Part of our "go the extra mile" mantra, only I took it literally. Knocked that sucker off the management list....

At swim practice, I'm finishing up training with more marker sets to figure out if I've improved over the past few months. I can now do 10 x 100 on 1:45 and hold it....... I can hold a :43 50. I can hold :20 25s. Slow for most, but an improvement for me. When I started the season, we did an all out 200 to place us in our swim groups. I did it in 3:30. Today, I swam a timed 300 and at the 200 mark, I was at 3:25. I'll take it! I feel like I've worked really hard this winter at my swim, and it seems like such a shame to be throwing it all away. I'm sure I won't be back in the water for at least a month, and even then it'll be open water so I don't push off the wall.....

I look at my bike every morning and feel sad. It's so pretty. They are both so pretty. And I think about how I'd love to call in sick and take a ride in the gorgeous 80 degree weather. This weekend is all about the bike. I am going to bike until my girl parts can't stand it anymore.

And I think on Wednesday, I might cry.

Starting to get scared about it now. I wish it had happened on May 11th, to be honest. I would have been so stressed out about the race and the drive that I never would have thought twice about the actual surgery. Having time is a little freaky. I've never gone under the knife before. Heck, I don't even know what type of anesthesia I should get! So freaky.....

At any rate, on a happier note, I have a few Iron Girl photos with more to come once hubby gets to downloading.

Psych

2009-05-11T18:41:00.000-07:00

No surgery today!

Surgeon went to the Bahamas and neglected to tell anybody until late last week. May 21st is the new day.

To celebrate, we drove to Las Vegas and I participated in the 2009 Iron Girl Sprint. (Shhh!! Don't tell the surgeon) I'm somewhat mobile at this point. I can swim without kicking, ride my bike easy, and walk without pain....most of the time. So with that in mind, we packed up the car and drove 13 hours to the host hotel.

I cannot explain what possessed us to drive so far when plane tickets are so reasonable. I guess I just really wanted my bike, and since I'm total crap at assembling it, my choices were limited. By the time I got out of the car, I was hobbling. My knee was a wreck! I honestly thought there was no way I was going to be able to make it to the starting line of this race.

We spent that night catching up with my old teammates and walking around the Loews resort, to see if my leg would feel better. (No chance!)

The next morning, I went to packet pickup. I have to admit, it was a little depressing. All sorts of samples of energy drinks and shot blocks, but since I'm out for the season, there was no point in getting them! Rather than stay for a course talk or check in my bike, I decided we should go be tourists and see the Hoover Dam.

Folks, it's a Dam. We couldn't do the tour, since it involved lots of stairs and I was still crippled at this point. So we walked between Nevada and Arizona in the blazing hot sun, then called it a day. Been there, done that, bought the Dam Mug.

That afternoon, I got my bike in order, took it for a test ride, and then checked it in to the transition area where it would sit overnight. I actually took Jezebel the tri bike with me. Her seat KILLS me, but I figured I bought the damn bike, so I ought to ride it in my one and only 2009 race. Actually, the forward geometry puts less stress on my knees when I ride versus the road bike. Sounds crazy, but I brought the tri bike for sheer comfort to my knee!

After check-in, we went to dinner with friends and then went to my old team's meeting. Oh, how awkward for me! My Colorado team was in Vegas, but they were staying at the Palazzo together, sans husbands. I was with my hubby and staying at the Loews, so I kind of felt a little left out with them. (Not that they didn't invite me to stay with them...) My old team has been somewhat controversial as of late, but I still have several close friends who race with them and I thought I was close to the Coach. I guess I still am, but she had 65 women to tend to on race weekend so we really didn't have much time to catch up and just be "pals." She had the Coach hat on...kind of drove me batty. At any rate, at the team meeting, when she announced who I was, she also gave me a chance to say something, so I proceeded to clear the air about my knee injury because I suspect she has tried to use me as an example of overtraining. Since I have NOT overtrained and became injured just BECAUSE, I thought I should defend myself. So I did. I don't know what she thought of that, but whatever. I am very sensitive about this meniscus problem!

Woke up at 4:30am the next morning, made a few cups of coffee, and then met my friend down in the lobby to go into transition. I set up pretty quickly..... When I pulled out my wetsuit, it was all manky and stiff. I don't think I've used it since I moved from California! I chatted up a few of the girls in my row, then headed back to my room to use the restroom and wake up my hubby. We walked down to the swim start 1/3 of a mile down the road, and I wasn't really all that nervous! I was walking better than I had in days, and all in all, things were good. OH, except my expired Gatorade AM. I was wondering why it tasted so off. I drank 3/4 of the bottle before DH pointed out it had expired 3 months earlier. Oops! I tasted it all morning.

The Olympic waves went off first, and I was relieved that I was not amongst them. I jumped into the water and did 5 minutes of "test" swimming, as I hadn't swam without a pull buoy in 2 months and wasn't sure how I'd do in the wetsuit. Guess what? You don't need to kick in a wetsuit! Thank goodness.

When it was time for my wave to go off, DH asked me to get in the front so he could take photos. I was worried about getting trampled since I was going to be gimping into the water, but I ended up staying out in front! I jumped in, cleared the girl in front of me, and then had a pretty clear path after the first hundred meters or so. A lot of the girls who came out fast faded very quickly, and before long, I was mostly alone. I caught the previous wave at the first buoy, and before the 2nd buoy, I caught the last Olympic wave that went off 15 meters prior. Had a GREAT swim, even though I couldn't kick. Came out of the water in what I thought was a slow time, but it was good enough for 6th out of 115 in my age group! Either everyone else was slow, or that course was loooong. I'm liable to go with the latter. I do better the longer we go.....so this makes more sense.

Got out of the water with little pain. Forgot I was supposed to be resting. Ran to the timing mat. Then I walked up the hill to transition, and DH walked with me. I got passed by quite a few people and it really pissed me off!!! Damn this knee! But I stayed true to my promise to myself, and I walked into transition. Quick transition once I made it to my bike....before I knew it, I was on Jezebel and on my way.

Uphill. Damn, I forgot about getting out of the resort area. 1/2 the race, uphill, miserable. I still passed a lot of people, but it was just too slow. No point in using the tri bike at that point. I was so relieved when we made it to Lake Mead Parkway. I flipped it into the big ring and did my best to crank down the hill to the turnaround. I definitely negative split the last section of the course, but it should have been far faster than it was. Not sure if it was my lack of familiarity with the bike, holding back because I am afraid of hurting the leg, or just lack of fitness....but I was pissed with how slow the bike was. Nevertheless, it was good enough for 12th out of 115, so I'll take it.

I hobbled my way back into transition after the bike ride. Ouch! Running off the bike hurt a ton. Race officials freaked out a little, but I waved them off and went to rack my bike. Another quick transition later, and I was hiking uphill towards the desert.

At this point. I was joined by my hubby, who walked with me as everyone ran past. I was slightly out of breath from my bike, so it was kind of nice to walk at this point. But as soon as I was recovered, I was just so antsy!!! He left me at the start of the dirt trail, and I headed off into nowhere near the front of the pack.....walking like a granny. I really, desperately wanted to run, but I knew that I would swell for weeks if I did. So I behaved. So many people passed me, telling me I could "do it," that they would run with me, etc.... Do you know how frustrating that is?? PSA -- if somebody who is not sweating or breathing hard is WALKING the run, leave them alone!! Say hi. Ask about the weather. Tell them you are jealous of how dry their hair is after the swim. But DO NOT TELL THEM THEY CAN DO IT! I cannot walk. Argh!! Can you tell I've been stewing for days?

Did you know that a 5K is actually a pretty long distance? Man, I had no idea. I thought it might take me 40 minutes or so to walk the 5K, but I was totally wrong. 52 minutes later, I emerged from the desert, completely out of my mind and bursting with energy. My CO team was first to cheer me on and pat me on the back. They'd all passed me on the run, so I'd already said hi, but it was nice to have them there. Then I got the cheers from my old team, although it was really just my old Coach laughing at my granny walk. She was like, "you walked the run and are racing injured and yet you still beat half the field!" That made me smile. I limped down the short hill to the finisher chute, then picked up a little jog while the announcer said my name.

I'd done 15+ triathlons. Nothing can beat the feeling of finishing your first, but I have to say, this one felt DAMN good. I almost cried, actually. I worked SO HARD to get to race day, and even though I didn't make it in one piece and I wasn't able to race the run, I finished the race. I was so thankful to have made it to the finish line and to have that finisher medal in hand. Victory!

(Of course, after finding out that if I had run my usual 5K, I would have come close to hitting the podium, I was a little cranky......but I'll save it)

We unfortunately had to check out at noon, so everything after the finish was a bit of a blur. Had to say goodbye to everyone in a rush and then head to our new hotel on the Strip. But it was nice to see everyone. I miss them. But it was also exciting to be a part of my new team and know that the more time I spend with them, the more likely I'll end up with friends just as good as the old ones. :) Gotta love triathlon.

So with that, I am back home in Colorado. DH started his new job last week....he works swing shift from 2pm to 11:00pm, so unfortunately I won't see him much. But this is good for my blogging. And certainly will be better for my girlie tv watching and book reading.

Am nervous about the surgery next week, but hopefully it'll start my journey back to being 100%. Until then.....have a dam good night!

May 11th

2009-04-26T07:28:00.000-07:00

That's my big day. Surgery day.

Saw the orthopedic surgeon last week, who reviewed my MRIs with me in lightening-fast speed. He flipped through images like a comic book, pointing out structures still in tact and commenting on the lack of a cyst. Then he stopped dead on 3 frames, moving back and forth saying, "mmm hmmm...." My radiologist indicated a "linear oblique signal abnormality of the posterior horn of the medial meniscus," but also went on to comment that she could not tell if it penetrated the articular surface. In case you're not a science geek and didn't spend the last week googling these terms, if it even touches the articular surface, you have a meniscal tear.

Ortho basically said, "well, I SEE it. Don't know why she didn't." He points out the tear on the MRI, indicating that it's pretty deep. So he tells it to me straight:

"Missy, what we have here is a problem, but it's a problem I think I can repair. Now, if you go and do more damage to this between now and the time we go in to repair it, you may have a heck of a lot more than a problem and you're looking at arthritis at 45."

How's that for scaring the pants off of me? SO scared, as a matter of fact, that all I managed to do this week was some weight training and a few hour-long trainer rides. I'm scared!

So, the plan of attack is surgery, the afternoon of May 11th, the day after I get back from Vegas. He's going to attempt a meniscal repair, which involves glycolic acid darts and 8 weeks of non-weight bearing time on CRUTCHES!!! Nightmare. After that, it's a very slow and methodical rehab. Based on what I've read, you get cleared for swimming first (probably not much kicking), then stationary bike, then road biking. Running gets the shaft until 6-8 months out. Since the meniscus isn't highly vascularized, healing, if any, is slow.... So, patience shall have to be my name. Of course, this assumes he gets in there and still sees the tear. If he doesn't, he sutures me back up and back to PT I go....

The bummer about all of this, of course, is my season! I put in for a medical deferral on the 5430 series..... so now I have a credit for when I register in 2010. I've also downgraded from Olympic to Sprint in Las Vegas. At first, I thought it would be impossible to compete, but he DID clear me to swim and bike. He warned me about walking the hilly run course, so I'm thinking I may throw in my first DNF. I just feel like I paid my money and am driving an entire day to get there....I ought to TRY to compete, right??

So here we have the silver lining to DH's unemployment. We get to take one last mobile trip together to Las Vegas, and then he can help me maneuver around whilst I'm crippled for 8 weeks. Cannot wait.

Good thing I bought Guitar Hero. I have a feeling I'll be an expert in 3 months.....

Out for the Count

2009-04-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

So, MRI came back. While it can't positively diagnose a meniscal tear, I'm about 90% certain I've got one. I meet with the surgeon on Wednesday to discuss my options. Naturally, I don't want to injure it any further, and it's fairly impossible for me to continue my triathlon hobby without substantial pain and recovery that hinders my every day life.

It looks like Iron Girl might be out. If they do an arthroscopy and I have to wait until after Iron Girl, I might entertain the idea of downgrading to the Sprint and just walking the run....but those hills are so brutal that I question whether I'd be able to walk up them at all??? (Of course, the swelling and pain take 36 hours to get full-blown, so by then I'd be out of Vegas and on my way back to CO.....but if I hurt it worse, I'll never forgive myself...)

Can't you see how agonizing this is?

Quite frankly, I'd much rather scrap it all and go on an Alaskan cruise!

Hubby never heard anything. Back to square one. Oh, and get this. He gets a debt collector call from a uniform company.....apparently the airline he never got hired on with (that flunked him out of training on the last day, remember that lovely point in my life?) claims that he received a $600 uniform from them! Of course, rather than contact us first, they send him to collections for something he's never received. Knowing DH, he probably signed some stupid form that said his ordering the uniform on day 1 of training constituted receipt of said uniform. We are BEYOND devastated, shocked, and appalled by all of this. How can you get sent to collections for something you never received?! We're trying to work it out with the airline, but I'm not holding my breath. We were originally going to be having him on our loan application for a mortgage, but now I think I need to take him off while we deal with this disaster. I'm doing a lot of reading....tempted to just hire a lawyer, to be honest. But what a freaking nightmare. I mean, this airline already destroyed his career.....now they want to destroy his exceptional credit? How dare they!

It's just been a fabulous week in our household, let me tell you. If all this weren't enough, we're hit with yet another snowstorm. I've been housebound for 24 hours and am going a little nuts. Fortunately, we just bought Guitar Hero for Wii, so at least we have some duels to look forward to the rest of the day. (Not to mention I ordered Labyrinth on VHS, so now I can go on the trainer and totally jam out to some awesome 80's movies!)

And with that, Pity Part OUT!

Roadblock

2009-04-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year, isn't it? When I try desperately to get back into racing form while taking too much time off over the winter, and then I screw something up and have to face down my first race whilst 50%.

Calf problem turned into Hamstring problem, although the jury's still out on what is going on. It's definitely put a damper on my training plan for the past month, sabotaging brick's and shortening runs. I should be lucky I can still do these things, but at the same time, it just gives me this "panicky" feeling that perhaps I'll disappear on the Iron Girl course out in the middle of the desert.

Old Coach and New Coach say I am fit, but that I need to throw the PR wishes away because it's not going to happen anymore. Old Coach says if I downgrade to Sprint, I'll cause even more damage to myself. New Coach, who doesn't even know me that well, pretty much said the same exact thing. I guess they are right. They both think the distance of the Olympic will make me slower and less prone to injury....

I have this long laundry list of things that cause pain these days : kicking in the swim (I have HeMan shoulders now after a month with the pull buoy!!), accelerations from 0 mph on the bike on the highest gear, walking in high heels, walking up hills, and running off of the bike. How's that for a mess?

Tomorrow I meet with an ART therapist who apparently works almost exclusively with triathletes. I have been told there will be tears. I have NO DOUBT that this will be the case.

On the biking front, I've yet to do a long bike outside yet. Yesterday was supposed to be a 30-mile hilly group ride, but when I showed up at the meeting place, it started raining horizontally! I made up my mind not to ride right then and there, but subsequent text messages made it clear that nobody else was planning to ride, either. So I went home, popped in "Naughty Marietta," a 1936 operetta with Nelson Eddie & Jeanette McDonald, and did a pretty hard 2 hour trainer session. I don't think I've ever ridden the trainer so hard in my life! Hubby says the downstairs smells like sweat and burnt rubber...he refuses to come down. Oh well. Wonder if I'll be prepared for Iron Girl on trainer rides alone?!

Oh, and to just kvetch a little bit more, this Colorado weather is killing me!!! Oh, I miss Orange County perfection so much it hurts. I have had more rides in the wind over the past few weeks than I've ever had. I've seen people blown over while clipped into their bikes. I've been pushed several feet in the trail by wind gusts. I've gotten my face chapped because of it. And it takes 10mph away from my speedy flat riding, making me want to cry. I've yet to have an actual time trial with no wind yet.... Right now, I'm convinced I'm the slowest cyclist on the planet. Who happens to be afraid of her tri bike.

On the personal front, my life is still exceedingly boring. DH is still job searching, although he did have an interview last week so we could use all the juju in the world that we will hear back this week. If not, I fear he will be devastated.....and that much farther away from getting him back to being occupied and feeling like a contributing member of the household.

The house hunt is on hold until June. It's hard to sit back and watch properties you like disappear, but it's the right decision for us. We'll be more stable with DH in a job, and the timing will be better to coincide with our lease. I still need to get over the fact that I may end up permanently living in the town I grew up in. Granted, the town has exploded in growth since the 1980's and you no longer run into anybody when you go grocery shopping, but I will know. I guess it doesn't count that I lived in several different states for the past few years.....

With that, I should stop procrastinating and go do my long run this morning. We're going to test out 5 miles today.... I suspect I'll be lucky if I can make it 1 without pain, but we shall see. Now, if only this rain would stop!

I am not dead

2009-03-27T19:42:00.000-07:00

I swear!

Just boring, that is all.

Sixtwothreetries reminded me that I've neglected the blog as of late, so I thought I should just get it all out there so that I can move forward.

Two weeks ago, I went on my long run....and half way through, I felt a pull in back of my knee. Because I was out in the middle of nowhere, I continued to run, and then iced when I got home. By the next morning, there was noticeable pain, so I freaked out in typical fashion and got myself a Dr. appointment. Of course, my GP is an idiot and I practically had to twist her arm to get a PT referral, in addition to an ULTRASOUND because she was freaked out that I might have a blood clot. (I know, ridiculous, but it was free so I decided to do it anyway) Well, long story short, it's not a blood clot....it's a strained upper gastrocnemius.

Which meant no kicking in the pool, no pushing hard gears on the bike, and no running! Mind you, Iron Girl is coming up on May 9th. I'm probably supposed to be in the "speed" section of my training at this point. But here I am, convalescing, as usual. Why does the start of the season always end up like this?!

I have a new "Dude," aka Mr. PT and then some. He's part physical therapist, part masseuse, part dietician, and part shrink. He ultrasounds my calf like the old guy, but he's very hands on and this is quite painful..... He's also really into what I am eating, claiming that I could be causing all these injuries by not properly fueling my recovery! So, I'm on a food log to point out my "deficiencies" and also see if we can crack this weight gain code.

FYI, the GoWear Fit lasted a month. Very interesting. But after a month of seeing a 500 calorie deficit AND a weight gain, I'm freaking OVER IT!!!!

Today I got cleared to run, so tomorrow is the 15 minute "test run." I'm nervous, but hopeful I can get back to 6 miles ASAP and then start hitting the hills.

My other big news is that I bought myself a tri bike! Yeah, I know these are rough economic times...that my hubby is unemployed.....that we need to save every penny for a home.... But a girl has to satisfy her needs, right?? No frills here...just a basic 2008 model, but BOY does it fly. I've named her Jezebel, because together, we shall be eeeeeevil on the bike course. ;)

So, that's my scoop. OH! Work. Well, I have a job. I should celebrate that. I just hope that one of these days I can be busy again. After 2 weeks of surfing the internet and struggling for things to keep you occupied, you begin to think you are far too disposable.....

Tomorrow, we run and swim. Sunday, I attempt to ride my bike..... If I'm lucky, the past few weeks haven't caused any harm and I'll pull a miracle out of my hat at Iron Girl and race well.

Little Improvements

2009-02-14T10:29:00.000-08:00

Well, just a quick update on the weight loss front. I'm down 0. According to the GoWearfit, I've burned in excess of 2100 calories a day since Tuesday. According to my nutrition tracker at Spark People, I've eaten an average of 1600 calories every day this week. This should equate to 500 calories a day, or 1 lb of weight loss a week.

What the HELL?!!!!

OK, I'm done with my little outburst. I shall continue tracking and see what is going on. It just pisses me off, that's all. It's not like I'm eating ho ho's here!

Training-wise, Wednesday was my 3rd swim practice. The fast girls didn't show the past two sessions, so I felt a little better about myself. Mr. Meanie Pants must have eaten dinner on Wednesday, because he only told me to add 50-meters to each set so that the others could keep up. Either I've fixed my head down problem, or he is over life.

I'm also a week into my personal coaching plan, and that is going okay. I've learned that my running still sucks, my knees get sore easily, and I need more flexibility because things come up with work and life and I need to rearrange my plan! We'll see how coach deals with this.... Still doing Yoga once a week. I can even get into Crow Pose now and hold it, so this is quite a bragging point for me. The swimming is coming along....Wednesday I swam 2500 meters in our 1-hour warmup, and that included quite a bit of time at the wall. I did a KILLER interval session on the stationary bike at work-- I had no idea I could work that hard! So all in all, I'm feeling like I'm making a little progress on the fitness front.

My old tri team in CA is kind of a mess right now. My old Coach decided to do her own thing, so half the team moved with her and the other half is staying with the franchise owner. So, the result is that training for everyone doing Iron Girl in May is slightly delayed. They probably won't get their plans until this week or next......will a 2-week jump give me enough so that I can stay in front of them in Vegas? Well, a girl can dream, right? ;)

We're also looking at house-hunting these days. Perhaps not the smartest thing in the world to do on one salary, but some of the deals out there are quite compelling. Am in a bit of a pickle with our lease and our landlord. He swears he's a broker and wants to be our realtor....I would rather be pampered. Can't get out of my lease before September unless I use him as our realtor. Oh, it makes me so cranky!!! I can't even talk about how I got outnegotiated on my lease extension. Anyway, perhaps waiting until this summer to buy is the smarter thing to do. More money in the e-fund, the foreclosures being held until March will have hit the market and we'll see what they do to the neighborhood prices, and maybe hubby will have a job by then? It's hard to sit and wait when you see massive price drops on houses you'd love to own, but what if they continue to drop? I guess they won't gain in value in the 6 months I sit on the sidelines, so I shall just calm down and study the market hard.

So, that's the update. Fun and excitement. Time for swim practice!

2009-02-10T18:15:00.000-08:00

Woe is me!

The scale. It is so evil, and it mocks me daily. Never mind the fact that I haven't had a monte cristo or a corn dog or a brownie for as long as I can remember. Forget the fact that I am exercising almost every day. Forget it all! That damn scale is higher than its been since the great weight loss of 2005.

This called for drastic measures. This called for..... the GoWear Fit.

You've heard of the Bodybugg. That thing the contestants of the Biggest Loser are wearing? Well, a lot of people on my new tri team have been dropping weight like flies and attributing it to their Bodybugg.

Me, loving a bargain, decided that it would be a good fit for me. All the fundamentals are in place, but there's a big question mark in terms of what I am actually burning. I had no idea how many calories I should eat in a day....I just knew that on Weight Watchers, I can only lose wieght when I am eating 1200 calories and not exercising. When I'm more active, I hang on to the weight. So frustrating!

So, I purchased the non-branded version of the Bodybugg, the GoWearFit. Part of me wishes it were more technical, but it's pretty much good enough! I even managed to sleep with it last night, and it told me I'm an 89% efficient sleeper. (I am in bed for 8 1/2 hours, but only sleeping for 7.5 of that -- super cool!) Today, with my run workout, I burned 2150 calories....and I ate 1530...... SO, I'm going to give it a week to see what happens with my weight loss.

If this doesn't work, I QUIT!

Just kidding.....I'm too obsessed....how could I ever let it go??

Thank You Sir, May I Have Another?

2009-02-05T09:45:00.000-08:00

On Saturday, I was filled with pride as I swam my 200 meter assessment in 3:30 and was placed in the "Advanced" swim group with my new triathlon team. Now, I missed "upper" advanced by :15 seconds, but I was still pleased with myself because it meant I hadn't gotten that slow in my many months off from swimming.

Fast forward to last night. My first "Advanced" swim session, at a local community college in a manky pool that smells like....well, it smells pretty gross.

I confidently hopped in a lane with a lady nearly twice my age (okay, maybe early 50's) and off we went on our 7 minute warmup. So far, so good. I was holding my own. Then our coach, a guy who doesn't even introduce himself, started yelling out instructions. 50 meters of "superman" with your arms out and not moving, just kicking. 50 meters of laying on your back and just kicking. 50 meters on your right side with your arms out, kicking. 50 meters to the left, kicking.

What? Did you say, "kick?"

Sorry, but I'm a triathlete. I've spent the past 2 years NOT kicking. You are going to kill me!

So I tried. Honestly, I did. I took on water like the Titanic, though. I was okay and streamlined in the first 50, but on my back, I totally freaked out and struggled to breathe. I hated the backstroke as a kid and consequently have never returned to the position. Last night brought back the very worst memories. And that f***ing lane line! Holy cow, I hate it so much.

Anyway, suffice it to say the first 200 was torture. When I finally got back to the end of the pool, Mr. Coach said, "YOU! You need to keep your head down." I didn't even look at him. Um, excuse me, but how can I keep my head down when I am so out of breath that I have to breathe every stroke??? I was pissed.

"Repeat," he ordered after a minute break.

What? Are you kidding me??

Nope, he was dead serious. So, off we go. My lanemate, Miss Lazy Butt, who only did 1/2 of the workout in the previous set, proceeded to do the same the second time around. She was sitting at the end of the pool waiting for me when we were done with the 2nd 200. I mean, who is she kidding? Does she seriously think everyone will think she did the full set and she was the fastest? Argh!!!!

And again, when I return, same comment. "YOU.....head down even more."

Dude, you gotta think about me here. I've trained primarily in open water. I'm excellent at sighting -- the very best! What is with this head crap?????

Next drill is more torture. 3 strokes of freestyle, then hold the 3rd and kick for 6 beats....repeat. 150 meters. Go!

I was a bit better at this one....but again, Mr. Meany Pants was like, "head down!" Man, I am trying. "Repeat!"

Off we go again. I worked on keeping that head so far down that my head ached. No comment on the return this time.

Next drill was some kind of stroke practice. Lengthening. Letting that first part of the stroke nonchalantly hit the water and extend. I tried to keep my head down. 200 meters. At the 50, Meany Pants was looking down at me. "You are crossing over with your left hand." What?!! No!!!!! So I focus on the left hand. Hard. What is with this? Am I just tired? At the 100, he's there again. "Better. Keep your head down."

Mother f***er. Will I ever get it right?

1000 meters later, I was spent. I felt like crying. Am I such a terrible swimmer that every part of my stroke is wrong? Did I really just drink a gallon of this manky water? Why do I feel like puking? My arms are lead weights!! HOW on EARTH am I going to be able to keep this up every week?

I was just totally, utterly destroyed. My very first swim practice, and I was practically reduced to tears. Nobody else around me seemed nearly as perturbed. Were they used to this dude? Were their strokes perfect? Can they handle criticism better than me? I mean, man, I know I'm not the fastest, but was I not trying to improve?

Triathlon season, welcome back. I have a feeling I'm gonna need to find some big girl panties, and find them fast. Because if this happened on Day 1 of swimming, I don't even want to think about what's around the corner!

The Pain that is Yoga

2009-01-21T07:34:00.000-08:00

For years, every annual review I've had at work was concluded with "you should really take yoga." Apparently I'm an intense person, and I must stress my managers out. But I *love* stress. Adore it! It motivates me and keeps me entertained. Why would I want to get rid of it?

I've often complained about my flexibility to friends and family. More often than not, their response is, "why don't you take a yoga class?" And I just roll my eyes at them, because they were part of the grand yoga conspiracy, too.

DH has played his part in this, too. Since I can't relax around the house for more than a day, he thought it'd be great fun to have his Mom get me a yoga kit for Christmas two years ago. You know, so I could be all zen in the house? It laid in its original packing materials for two years.

The final player in this great yoga push was my old triathlon Coach. The evil one. She told us it would help us strengthen our core. Stretch our legs. Make us faster. Yeah, you heard me right....faster. So this, I think, was an intriguing thought, but I was not ready to commit just yet.

Until NOW! After 2 months of strength training in the gym, I decided to add another facet to my off season. Something that would help me to stretch out my hip flexors, IT bands, quads, calves, and strengthen that pesky, fat core of mine. Something that MIGHT make me faster when I get to Iron Girl in May, or at the very least, just get me to the starting line injury-free.

One of the accountants at work recently became a yogi and started offering classes on Monday nights after work. Since it was free and in the building, I felt I really had no excuses not to give it a try. Heck, maybe I'll even learn to relax? (Nah! That would be a pipe dream)

So, I've been to yoga twice now, and I have to say, it's quite a challenge! My favorite word is "namaste." I have no idea what it translates to, but it basically means "class dismissed," which also means I made it through alive. I've been quite impressed with my ability to relax in downward facing dog.......sweat like I'm going to die while trying to do slow chatarangas.....show off my good balance to those flexible crazies in the room in tree pose....... My shoulders and back are always sore after yoga, as is my stomach, since we do a lot of core work. How exciting is this??

Now, why people think yoga is relaxing is absolutely beyond me. I shake the entire time. I get hot and uncomfortable. I fall on my head. But darnit, I'm doing it! And boy, can I feel the stretches in my IT Band and hip flexors. If this isn't good for me, then I give up.

So it was with great pleasure that I phoned my old boss last night to inform him that I'm finally taking his advice with respect to our annual review..... I'm taking yoga. :)

Overbudget

2009-01-14T08:41:00.000-08:00

The New Year has brought about a lot of talk in our tiny little household. Not just about the usual mundane issues like paying bills, making dinner, or skiing on the weekends....no, we're talking BIG picture here. New house. Dog. Kids. Huge stuff.

So to prepare for all of that, we decided to do a major budget restructuring. We've been living off of one income for a while now, so I thought it would be nice to actually see our savings INCREASE for once without having to stockpile a bonus or a tax refund. So we have "traunches," if you will, for certain expenses. Stuff that is monthly, like rent, cell phones, and other bills, don't get counted, nor does gasoline -- I mean, seriously, am I going to limit how far I drive? So the obvious stuff was groceries, "slush", and our own personal allowances. Hubs and I are giving ourselves each a little somethin' somethin' each month so that we can be selfish yet controlled.

Unfortunately, we've both opted to zero out our allowances for the next 2-4 months by going overbudget in the very first 1/2 of the 1st month we've attempted our budget! Mine's totally legit, though. I'm getting a month-to-month personalized coaching plan from the head coach of my new team. She only takes 10 people a year, so I snatched her up for the next 3 months to get me to "Iron Girl Redemption." She thinks that I'll need more personalized attention now than I will for the 1/2 Ironman....and thinks the 1/2 Ironman Plan that she's written for general consumption will easily get me to the finish line in August. But kicking arse at Iron Girl is going to require lots of work...and she ought to be compensated for it. ;) Of course, this has put me in the hole. Until May. I have $0 to spend on myself until May, but I also need a bike fitting and new tires. Once that's done, I'll have $0 to spend on me until August. Or worse!

Hubby, on the other hand, after getting his snowboard for Christmas, plus boots and bindings on top of that, decided that he wanted a stupid miniature flat-screen HDTV to go in the "man room" with his brand new laptop! I mean, seriously!!! Would you like some champagne and caviar with that?! I just about killed him yesterday when I saw it, but it was 1/2 the price of my 3-months of personalized coaching, so what can I say?? At least my overage is in pursuit of a better body???

Needless to say, this seriously puts a damper on the "saving for a house" fund. And with his champagne tastes and need for new, I'll probably have to suck it up and buy a new construction with all the bells and whistles. We must get a hold of these "overages" NOW before we end up homeless and penniless.

Why must triathlon be so expensive??

At any rate, that's my rant for the day. If anyone in the Denver area has a job for a pilot, you know where to find me. I've got one you can have. For free! Because if he's busy, he won't have time to buy more "stuff." :)

Base

2009-01-12T10:18:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a wacky start to the year! The cold from hell returned after a 2-week hiatus, relegating me to the tired, snotty, coughing laziness that I just recovered from. To spite it all, I decided to attend my last running program practice of the season. Coach had been wondering where I disappeared to....and really, there was no fever, so would it hurt me to at least show up and have a nice snotty walk?

So, I got up at 8am and headed over to the trail where I met up with a lot of familiar faces and Coach. I was equipped with many Kleenex, and bundled up to fight the cold. But it was great to be back!

I admitted that I hadn't done much over the past month, so she sent me off on an aerobic 4-miler. Rather than stare at my heart rate monitor the entire time, I decided to just go "easy" and enjoy the beautiful but chilly morning. I have to admit, I have a great time out there. Yes, I was slower than you could possibly imagine, but I was so happy I got out of bed and went for a run! By mile 2, I was really in my groove and decided to keep going....I was curious if I still had my 10K "base." ANd you know what? I got it! It's a few minutes slower than it should be (like, 8 minutes slower!), but I was sick, and it's been a month..... The good news was that absolutely nothing was sore, and I felt like a million bucks at the end. Woohoo!!! Last year at this time, I had lost my entire running base....starting at a 10K is just so refreshing at this point.

Season starts in a few weeks. I am bouncing off the walls, but I have lots to do. Must hit the pool a few times so that I don't get placed in a lower swim level than I should be. Also need a tune-up on my bike, new tires since my trainer is destroying my old ones, and also need to schedule a bike fit at some point in time. Combine all this with my personal coaching, and I am WAY over budget at this point. Need to do the tax return and beg for forgiveness, I think. ;)

Well, that is it for me. Still sick. But still hanging in there. 5430 Long Course, I'm coming to get you!

The trip

2009-01-01T11:30:00.000-08:00

Well, here's the long-promised rundown of our wonderful vacation! Excuse a few formatting issues....this was a long time in the making.

I had book club the night before we left for our trip. Memory Keeper's Daughter. We were all unanimously depressed and drank and ate and gossiped our way through the evening, finding it quite difficult to bring the conversation back around to the book. I had packed the night before, so thankfully all I had to do was enjoy myself.

We left home at 6am the next morning, my Dad coming over super early to drive us in to the airport. Our flight was on time, and by 2:00pm EST, we were in Miami. I found that the whole time I was there, I just couldn't help myself.....I needed to sing Will Smith's song, over and over and over again. "Welcome to Miami. Bienvenido a Miami!" THe airport is a hole, and the cabs are a total racket, but somehow cheaper than my darling SuperShuttle. So we cabbed it to our hotel, the Marriott Biscayne Bay, which I had secured with my long lost Marriott Reward Points for a grand total of $0!!! Yeah, I know, brilliant.

We got a room on the Bay side, and when we got to our room and looked out the windows, we could see all the cruise ships at the Port! It was very exciting to think that we would be on one at the same time the next day.

DH and I got comfy and then ventured out to the Metromover. It's Miami's way of connecting the downtown. A free monorail system of sorts. Unfortunately, there's not much to do in downtown Miami, and riding the Metromover is pretty darn sketch. I've been in most majors cities in the world. London, NYC, LA, Chicago, Boston......but Miami was unfortunately the dirtiest and most "spread out" of them all. We hit the Bayside Marketplace, an indoor/outdoor mall with a section of flea market type stuff and a Hooters. I'm shocked that people spend their time in Miami going to this place. Is that really all there is? We grabbed a quick bite to eat, tried to find some last-minute items, and then headed back to the hotel where I finished my Charlaine Harris book and DH watched loads of football.

The next morning, I couldn't sleep so got up at 6:30 am and peaked out the window....and what do you know, there was the Carnival Valor pulling into Port! It was a little disturbing to think that 7 days from then, I'd be getting up at that time and would have had to repack everything. Ugh..the worst part! But it was still exciting, because that was going to be our home away from home for an entire week.

We got to the Port of Miami via taxi around 11:45am. We were immediately greeted by a Porter, who slapped tags on our bags and waited expectantly for his "tip." You really shouldn't call it a tip at this point. The fate of your bags lays in the hands of these gentlemen. If you don't tip, you go naked for 7 days. Why don't they just charge $1 a bag and call it a day? Seriously, if they work 4 days a week, and there are 3000 people going out on each ship each day, these people are making a killing. Sign me up!

We went through security in 15 minutes, rushed through the "Sail n' Sign" card line, and then were allowed to board. We were on the Valor by 12:30pm, with an hour to spare until we had access to our rooms. Hubs and I headed upstairs to the cafeteria for lunch, where we tried the fish n' chips. It was exciting being on board. The ship was just humungous. They piled 3,000 people on board, but you had no idea! Plenty of nooks and crannies for everyone.

Muster drill was at 4:00pm, so we rushed to our muster station and just stood there like idiots with our life vests for 15 minutes. Afterwards, our bags were at our door so we did a rush job of unpacking. Once unpacked, we walked up 9 flights of stairs to the main deck and tried to find a spot at the railing....only to discover that we were already sailing!! Ooops. We missed our first sailaway. :) We were still in the channel leaving the Port, though, so it was fun to see everyone wave to the people on the highway. So exciting watching a cruise ship leave Port, I think --- so many people excited to be leaving their cares and worries behind them for a week of fun and adventure. It's the best kind of excitement there is.

Carnival does this cheesy dance party at sailaway. I have to admit, it was tempting to partake. I just watched and enjoyed it all. They videotaped it and then replayed it on a continuous circuit on our TVs in our room, so you bet I made up for not dancing in person by boogying in my cabin.

Dinner for us was late -- 8:15. We joke that we always eat with the old people, but to avoid this, I purposely chose the later of the two seatings. Since the Valor is themed, we were in the "Washington" dining room. Our waiter was a gentleman from Jamaica named Owen, and our assistant waiter was Fernando. I loved Owen from the start....so proud and professional. I just wanted to hug him every night! He quickly learned that I had a cappuccino after dinner with dessert.....needed a little somethin' somethin' to keep me up until 12am at least. He had a pretty good palate, too. Everything he recommended was really good. I guess I was pretty impressed with the food. It wasn't as fattening as I was expecting, and the portions were reasonably small. I had healthy options to choose from every night --- shrimp cocktail, broth-based soups, salads, steamed fish, grilled chicken -- and it made me feel less guilty when I ordered a naughty little dessert each night. They had this dark and white chocolate bread pudding called "bitter n' blanc" that was absolutely to die for. I'd sail Carnival again just to eat it.

ANYWAY, enough about food! We hit up every show on the ship, investigated every lounge, partook in copious amounts of movie and "name that tune" trivia, and even attended a few of the shore excursion clinics. We went to the gym on our two sea days, doing our best to stay upright whilst using the elliptical machines. (I tried to run, but I nearly fell off the treadmill and decided to just skip my run) I have to say we were never, ever bored. There was no sitting on the deck and basking in the sun for us. No, we were busy beavers, moving from one activity to the next with little to no down time. Hubby has serious ADD and cannot relax. Some vacation, huh?!

Our first shore stop was Grand Cayman. We had to tender ashore, as there is no Pier and the water is too shallow. DH and I snuck into the tender boat line (I'm usually a rule follower, but I just didn't have patience -- I was too excited!) and got to shore very early. It was a HOT day, partly cloudy but plenty of sunshine, and we had nothing planned. I was trying to save money, so I left Grand Cayman empty because I'd read that it was a Port you could walk around without having to do an excursion. Plenty of shopping and restaurants. It became very clear that DH had no intention at all of just walking around, so we began our search for a tour company. I'd only read about 3 of them online -- Captain Marvin's, Moby Dick, and Nativeway -- so I tried to search them out. We found Nativeway, but their excursions involved too much snorkeling. DH the non-swimmer refused to do more snorkeling than was necessary. So I found Moby Dick's by the Pier, and we signed up for the "Snorkeling/Sting Ray" excursion.

We loaded into a purple school bus and drove down the island to the Marina. Grand Cayman looked like every other Florida island. Gorgeous beaches, neat hotels, and American chains lining the streets. I was a little disappointed....it just had such an American flair to it. At any rate, once at the Marina, we got on the Moby Dick boat and headed out to the sand bar in between Rum Point and West Bay. It was a rough 30-minute trip, with choppy seas and a bit of a swell. When we pulled up, there were probably five or six similarly sized boats already anchored by the sandbar, so our group opted to do the snorkeling first. The reef here is supposedly the best 12-foot dive spot in the World. I think I can believe that.

The guides anchored the ship by the edge of the reef, and then told us to grab flippers, goggles, and a vest. And to jump! No instruction at all. I'd never snorkeled before, but the waves were pretty big and I was freaking out about DH. He put on his inflatable vest and followed me into the water, but he didn't let go of the boat. The waves were trying to push him under, so I flipped out again and then made him get back on the boat. I just didn't feel comfortable, and the last thing I needed was for him to drown! We were hardly with a group capable of rescuing him, I don't think....

Anyway, he let me go off on my own, so I tried this "snorkeling" out. I hate the flippers and refused to kick, so I ended up doing freestyle the whole time -- I must have looked like an idiot! The coral and the fish were simply gorgeous, and the ocean was so clear and crisp. I really, really loved it out there. But there were so many people running into me and swimming in front of me that I totally lost it. After 10 minutes, I gave up and swam back to the boat. Our guides totally understood why I was frustrated. :) Anyway, after we rescued our stray snorkelers, we headed back over to Stingray City where we saw even more boats on the sandbar! Ah, I guess that's what you get for being in Grand Cayman on Tuesdays, with 4 ships in town. (2 from Carnival, one from Norwegian, one from Princess)
We picked a deeper section of the sandbar to anchor, then got out carefully. There were big rays everywhere we walked. I was doing the stingray shuffle the entire time, and was not too keen on the touchy feely stingrays. I think they enjoy scaring the crap out of people. ;) I swear, they would swim close to the surface and just LOOK at you with those eyes. These are not stupid fish....these are pretty smart creatures of habit who live a very long time. I was impressed with how "domesticated" they were. But like our naturalist said, you'd put up with anything for free food, right? I kissed my sting ray for 7 years good luck....they willingly swim into the guide's arms and stay there, so I didn't think it would kill them to get a kiss form me. I'm sure it got some squid for its good behavior.
At any rate, after a half hour, we headed back to the boat and back to shore. It was definitely very interesting to get dumped in the middle of the Caribbean Sea and to stand amongst massive stingrays, but I can't say I'd do it again. Been there, done that.
We got back to Grand Cayman with several hours to spare before we had to be back on the ship. Rather than pay to eat, we decided to just walk around a little bit and then get a head start on the rest of our cruisemates in the tender line. It was HOT out there, so we didn't last long. I noted a cute restaurant right next to the tender dock, Eden Rock, that rented out snorkel equipment. They seemed to have very docile seas and a beach from which to access the reef..... I think if I ever went to Grand Cayman again, I'd go to Hell (how the "hell" are ya? We hope you have a "hell" of a good time) and then grab a bite and snorkel at Eden Rock.
We got back on the ship, changed out of our salty clothes, and then headed up to eat a late late lunch at the buffet. It was nice to sit up and enjoy our meal, watching the tender boats hurry to the ship to get people on board before the ship's departure time.

Day 2 was Isla Roatan. It was a 12pm arrival, so we had time in the morning to go eat breakfast in the dining room (bleh!) and then walk around Deck to check out the Honduran islands. They are so beautiful....it was like Jurassic Park. ;) Everyone says that if you are looking for topographical changes and beautiful scenery, you should pick an Eastern Caribbean itinerary. But I have to say, Roatan and its sister Bay Islands are just beautiful.

As the ship approached the Pier in Coxen Hole, we made our way to the side of Deck three..... The view was amazing, and we were greeted by a dancing show by the native Garifuna dancers. I know it probably sounds cheesy, but they were holding up the Honduran flag and welcoming us to shore. I was absolutely enchanted by these dancers and got even more excited for disembarkation!
Once we were secured to the ship, we jumped in line to get off the ship and were off in less than 5 minutes. Our excursion for the day, "Kayak & Snorkel," was chosen at random from our home computer, so we had no idea what to expect. We stood in the line that our guide had formed, and it turned out there were only 4 couples on the trip with us! The beginner scuba line was humungous, so we felt really lucky that we were going on a ship excursion that was small and intimate.

Our guide took us to our bus at the Port, driven by an American man who was originally from Chicago but had bought the Cannibal Cafe and Seabreeze Inn in Roatan. He was hilarious trying to maneuver us through traffic in our little bus. We watched in awe as we looked down the row of primitive shops in Coxen Hole and looked at the barefoot children playing in their rooster-inhabited front lawns. Poverty? Yes. But it did not bother me as much as the homeless I saw in Downtown Miami. These people may have been poor, but they are rich in family, culture, and nature. Again, I was fascinated and totally drawn in. Our guide told us about Coxen Hole's history......since it was the only place on the island where the reef allows access by larger ship, Pirates would come there and hide their loot and use it as a place to attack Spanish ships returning home from the Honduran Gold Coast. The people are a mixture of native Carib and Arawak Indians, descendents of African slaves, Spaniards, English, and other European influences that came to the island in the 16, 17, and 1800's.

The van drove us to the West End of the island, which is a gorgeous strip of real estate that is joined by a dirt road and dozens of little inns, cantinas, and touristy dive shops. Our home base for the day was the Cannibal Cafe, where we stashed our belongings and promptly changed to go snorkeling. There was a snorkeling crew there for us -- a certified Scuba instructor and 3 teenage boys who were there to guide us around Half Moon Bay. We learned how to adjust our masks, put on flippers, and inflate our life vests, then headed down to the beach where we jumped in the water and prepared for our trip. Our original guide got into the water in the "rescue" kayak, and he was always there in case we had issues. My non-swimming husband felt totally comfortable in these calm waters, and I was more at ease because of all the help around. If there was any place for a beginner to feel safe, this was it. We swam in a line, following our guide as he navigated us through the Bay. The waters were so clear and beautiful, and we saw many gorgeous fish and coral formations. DH sometimes just hung on to my feet and let me drag him through the water, and I liked this because I knew where he was. Towards the end of the Bay, where the boats were entering, it got a little rough and DH flipped out a bit there. But thankfully, he calmed back down and we were soon on our way. I think the trip was about 45 minutes? I got out of the water and immediately felt like throwing my snorkeling gear on the ground and going for a run. Gee, can't get the triathlete out of me anymore!

After snorkeling, we went back to the cafe, rinsed off, and then sat in the shade as we ate fresh homemade quesadillas and freshly-picked watermelon and pineapple. Holy cow, can you say delish? I was in paradise......this place was just too idyllic and amazing for words.

When our snack was through, we grabbed our oars and life vests and prepared for our kayak trip. I ended up knocking their beautiful Amazon parrot off of his perch with my oar and felt horribly guilty! I swear he glared at me with his birdy eyes the rest of our trip. ;)

DH and I were in a double kayak, amongst the three other couples and our 3 guides. We were pretty pathetic as we paddled down the West End. I have better rhythm than the hubs, so it irked me that he was in back and "in control." I felt like a little anarchist every time I put my oar in the water. Note to self: if we ever kayak again, get a SINGLE!! I loved it, though. Reminded me why I wanted to do Crew in college. So much fun to glide down the West End and enjoy the calm and beautiful ocean.

We pulled over to shore at the halfway point and dragged our kayaks up the beach a little ways. Apparently, this was our flora and fauna hike. Of course, it was a thinly-veiled attempt at getting us to rent our guide's cousin's beach bungalows, but it was still beautiful. We scaled the large hill leading up from the beach and into the thick jungle canopy of Roatan. They showed us two different types of banana trees, multiple types of watermelon, cashew trees, trees that produced such fragrant leaves that you could make teas from them.....oh, it was so beautiful. This island is literally FILLED with sustenance. And the people here are so proud of it, bragging about how hardy their children are to allergies because they live off the jungle in their youth....how they don't need much from the mainland because they can sustain themselves on the island. Oh, it was amazing.

So we headed back down the hill, kayaked back to the cafe, and then rushed onto the van because our day was over and we had to get back to the ship. It was so sad to leave.....DH and I made sure to tip generously, as the American dollar goes so far down there and our guides had been so attentive and kind. Really went above and beyond -- I felt depressed leaving them behind!

Once back at Coxen Hole, we realized we had about an hour before we had to be back on the Ship. Knowing I had Christmas coming up, we decided to brave the shops and see what we could find. Lots and lots of hand-carved wooden baskets, animals, well....you name it. I think the first place we went to was called "Yabba Ding Ding." It was so thick with Valor passengers that we immediately left. I wasn't that motivated, and frankly, wanted to change out of my salty clothes and get something to snack on! So back to the ship we went, to wash up and snack at Rosie's.

That night was the juggler/magic show. I initially didn't want to go because I hate BOTH of those things, but we were on a whole "do everything" kick, so off we went after dinner. The juggler was a cute, older Mexican guy who dropped quite a few things. Each time, he was like, "the sheep, it is moving!" Hahaha....yeah, I suppose it would be hard to juggle on a moving vessel. The magician was hilarious. He preyed on women in the audience, and I was totally entertained by him.....until he attempted the cheesy Vegas part of his show where he had a sexy dancer parade around and touch him while he made eyes at her. I laughed hysterically, telling DH "it has to be a joke! He must be mocking the Vegas acts." Oh, no. He was DEAD serious. It ended up creeping me out in the end, but I will say I was very amused and glad I went.

The next morning was Belize. Oh, Belize. The reason I booked the cruise, to be honest. I'd read about cave tubing and how cool it was, so I'd booked a private excursion with a group called "Major Tom" and for three weeks prior to the cruise went around the house singing, "ground control to Major Tom." Yeah, I was obsessed.

So it was a cloudy day in Belize City, and we were 4-5 miles off shore. Winds were buffeting the seas, and the deck was wet, so we could tell it had been raining. We snuck into the first tender line yet again, as we had a private excursion and had to get off first. All was well until I handed my FunPass over to the debarkation girl......the gentlemen overseeing the tender operation yelled "stop!" and chaos ensued for a few minutes. I stood there losing my mind, because I wanted to get on that tender boat so bad.

Eventually, they pushed us back into this room outside the infirmary, and accounced that tender operations had been halted due to the tender boats being slammed into the ship. They said the Captain was going to try to reposition and that we could wait. So the Captain moved us around, and I think he was talking to the Legend or Triumph captain as well, the other ship that was in Belize City with us. We waited a half hour before they told us to go up to the Ivanhoe theatre to wait. I flipped out. I knew our cave tubing was going to take 5.5 hours. With 8 hours in Port, this was a reasonable amount of time. But with each passing minute, I grew concerned that we weren't going to have enough time.

When they started the tenders back up, an hour or so had passed and we didn't have a tender ticket to get back in line.....so I gave up, made us drop our swimsuits back in the room, and then went upstairs to have a decent late breakfast. We got tender ticket #11, and it wasn't until 11:30 that we got to board the tender to Belize City.

The seas weren't all that bad, but people were getting wet! I must admit, Belize City was a dump and we never felt safe enough to leave the Port. It drizzled the entire time, and I moped the entire time about missing out on Major Tom. Oh, I was so depressed. I wish I'd had the foresight to research a backup tour, but no....I was an idiot. So Belize was a lost port to us. We lasted all of an hour onshore before we opted to go back to the ship.

Such a shame that so many peoples' favorite country was our worst experience! If only we could have gotten on a land tour.....I heard Lamanai ruins were beautiful. And the Jeep tour people had an amazing day. Ugh!

We spent the day playing all types of trivia. I regret to inform everyone that I never once won the coveted golden Ship on a Stick. Oh, it made me so mad! I think the old people were cheating.

We went to Scarlett's for dinner, the fancy steakhouse on board the ship that costs a little extra. It's supposed to be the equivalent of Morton's or Ruth's Chris, and I think they did a pretty decent job. I had a ceasar salad to start, but had to switch with DH because he didn't like HIS salad....then he complained about mine. For dinner, I had the surf and turf -- lobster tail and filet --- while DH had the 24-ounce porterhouse. He HATED his Porterhouse. Said it was too fatty. Complained the entire time. So I had to give him my filet to shut him the hell up. It made me mad....I felt like I was dining with a five year old. He didn't even order a side dish, so I just ate my baked potato and lobster and stewed silently. We were really full by then, but decided to order desert anyway. Oh, scratch that. *I* ordered desert because DH was upset it all sounded too complicated for him and he thought it was all gross. I didn't order what I wanted because I knew he'd want to try it and would complain, so I opted for the citrus cheesecake. I knew he'd like it. AND I suppose he did. A few bites in, he decided he wanted some and then proceeded to eat the rest of it. Of course, he complained the entire time that it wasn't good enough, but did that stop him?

So yes, a LOVELY evening with my adolescent husband. I enjoyed my meal, but I have to say that they did overcomplicate everything. I think that sometimes you need to let the flavors stay simple. Execute it well and it will be appreciated. When you fancify this stuff up so much that it's confusing to say and overwhelming to eat, it feels like you tried too hard. I'd probably not go back there given the opportunity again. I'd rather save my money and go on an excursion.

OK, so the next day was Cozumel. We were dragging by now, but I got room service every morning so that we could stay on schedule. They were perpetually early, but I caught on after the first day so I was always dressed and up when they arrived. DH was always in bed, groggy, and mad that he had to get up so early. We were supposed to meet our tour in the Ivanhoe theatre at 8am, but I couldn't get DH going until 8:05. As we were walking up the stairs to go to Ivanhoe, we ran into a huge crowd. I spotted a ticket that said "Ultramar," which was what was on my ticket. I asked the guy if he was going to Tulum, and he said they'd been dismissed and that we were to exit the Ship and head to the next Pier to get on the shuttle. I thanked him, got in line behind him, and then kept him in my sights until we were off the ship and had spotted the 400-person Ultramar catamaran.

It was a crisp day in Cozumel. The sky was a fall-colored blue. Deep, rich, slightly chilly. The ocean was churning pretty good. We were a little groggy, but we managed to get on the boat and then enjoyed our 30-minute trip across the ocean to the mainland, Playa del Carmen. When we got off the boat, we were immediately split up into groups of 40. Our group was claimed by a young Mexican girl named Li-Li, who ran our tour. She was a recent college grad who majored in history, so she was a whiz when it came to Mayan culture. Being part Mayan herself, it felt a little more authentic.

We walked single-file through the cobblestone streets of Costa Maya to our bus, then took our seats. For 45 minutes, we got a great cultural lesson and learned about the Riviera Maya and Yucatan Peninsula. Did you know Yucatan roughly means, "I hear you but I don't understand you?" Ha! We stopped at a Mayan Cultural Center along the way to use the restroom, and DH and I bought what we thought was a Mayan calendar. When we got home, the piece of paper that came with it described it as the Aztec calendar. Hmmm.....authentic Mayan Cultural Center peddling Aztec calendars? Doesn't sound so authentic to me.

Anyway, we ended up at Tulum very quickly thereafter and followed our tour guide through the village and 1/4 mile down the road to the ruins. They were stunning, sitting up on this cliff overlooking the ocean. We learned the differences between temples and palaces, tried to understand why they sacrificed humans, and got to see photos of how they really looked in the time that they were in use. (They were red!) We were given an hour to roam around after our tour, so we headed down to the beach for some "ruins on the cliff" photos, and then went back to the bus so that we didn't miss it. Overall, we are so glad we did this. I finally figured out that DH is a history buff, so if you stick him on a bus with a tour guide, he's a happy camper. Been there, done that.

We napped on the bus on the way back to Playa del Carmen, tolerated the Ultramar shuttle ride, and then perused the touristy shopping village at the Pier in Cozumel. We got back to the ship a little less than an hour before we were supposed to, had our token snack at Rosie's, and then prepared for dinner. It was at times like these that we were happy we had the late seating! if we had the early seating, we would have to take shorter excursions or skip the formal dinners altogether.....

That night, there was an early show, "Motown Sounds & Comedian," which I enjoyed. Dinner was really good -- I had lamb chops and Bitter n' Blanc -- and after dinner there was a deck party! They were doing all the sailaway dances, so I abandoned DH and joined everyone on Lido for some dancing foolery. Mississippi Slide, Cupid Shuffle, Conga Line.....I danced for a half hour and knew all the moves because I'd been practicing them. ;) So much fun!

The next day was depressing, as it was the last day of our cruise and time to get into "disembarkation" mode. We slept in, attended the disembarkation talk, and then proceeded to hit the gym. After the gym, we took quick showers and caught the tail end of the chocolate buffet. I ate chocolate for lunch, and felt like a cow. After gorging ourselves, we did more trivia, then went back to our rooms to pack. So sad! We chose to do the regular disembarkation, so we got our tags, #30 (that's the second to last group to leave the ship), and had to have our bags out in the hallway by 12pm. Valor had a holiday show around 5:00pm, so we attended and enjoyed the Christmas carols. We tried to get in the mood, but it was so sad knowing this was one of the last times we'd be in Ivanhoe! We did a little duty free shopping before dinner, then had our last dinner with Owen. It was yummy, too.....lobster and crab cakes with a spicy remoulade, panko crusted jumbo shrimp, and grand marnier souffle. Mmm.... We handed tip envelopes to Owen and our bar steward....and to that annoying assistant matre'd. He did nothing for us other than annoy me, but I felt bad and put some money in the envelope anyway. I refused to put our table # on it, as I didn't want to be thanked....or associated for the small dollar amount I put in there. (Sorry, I refuse to give $20 to a man who didn't do that much for me!) When he was walking around thanking everyone, I got up from my table and ran to the restroom to hide. How sad is that? Anyway, was sad to say goodbye to Owen. After 7 days, you grow attached to everyone. I sincerely hope he gets promoted one of these days....he's far too smart and on-top-of things to be waiting on people his whole career.

So, that night was the Carnival Legends show, where our fellow passengers perform with the dancers by singing songs by certain artists. I wanted to try out to be Britney Spears, but late seatings missed out on karaoke tryouts. Oh well! I think our cruise had some pretty bad singers.....the highlight was our cruise director as Dolly Parton. Overall, this was the worst show of our trip, but the only thing that saved it was seeing our entertainment staff....we'd grown attached to them, too.

After hanging out on deck, we decided to call it a night. Our last night at sea. We knew we were moving quickly and would be in Port within a few short hours. Ugh.Our phone rang at 5:45am. I suspect this was a mistake, as Chris didn't come over the loudspeaker until 7:30am, when customs cleared the ship and the first two groups were allowed to disembark. DH and I finished getting ready, and were out of our cabin by 8:30am. We headed up to Lido with our bags and enjoyed a leisurely breakfast. By 10:00am, our number had been called and we made our way to the American Lobby where we were held up for 20 minutes by Miami customs.....they got a little backlogged. Anyway, once off the ship, we picked up our bags and were out of the terminal in 10 minutes. Pretty painless compared to some of the stories I'd read.

DH and I grabbed a cab to our new hotel, the Courtyard Downtown, but there was something going on that blocked the streets so we had to get out and walk 3 blocks with our suitcases. So annoyed. We got a nice room at 11am in our hotel, so that was a relief. We decided to see the famed South Beach, so we walked to Bayside Marketplace to catch a cab and were swiftly driven over to Ocean Drive. I have to say, I expected a little more?? It was an overcast day, and we walked the length of Ocean Drive twice trying to figure out where we wanted to eat. We ended up eating at this hotel that wasn't that fabulous, then walked to the point where we could see the cruise ships. The Valor was smoking up a storm, so we knew it was close to leaving Port. How sad! Our home was leaving with another group of excited people, and we would be left behind in Miami. :(
We walked to a pedestrian mall somewhere near south beach, then walked a little while more until a taxi picked us up and brought us back to the hotel. I was sick at this point, so we sat around, watched football, read, and ordered pizza. Yucky night.

The next morning, we got a late checkout and then walked to Mary Brickell Village for lunch at Rosa Mexicano. Definitely not as good as the one in DC. We ended up walking back, packing up our things, and then taking a taxi back to the airport where we endured for many many hours until getting home.

So, that was our trip. Are you asleep yet? Well, it wasn't for public consumption-- I just wanted to document everything. :) We had an amazing time and I cannot wait to cruise on my next vacation! (South America? Alaska? Hawaii? Mediterranean? I cannot wait!)

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

Oh, this year is going to be good, I can taste it.....

I have some big news, too.

No, I'm not pregnant! I'm signed up for this:
http://www.5430sports.com/long/course.htm

Yes, my first Half Ironman. At the stroke of midnight, I kissed my husband and then pulled out the credit card. It's the last race in the Boulder Triathlon Series, and I hear the Sprint sells out in 4 days, so I wanted to be one of the first. How sad. ;) So now I am slightly scared, but pretty freaking excited. This is the "iffy" distance for me. The one I don't know if I can do. The non-runner is going to attempt to do a Half Marathon, finally! I'm signing up for a monthly training plan from our head coach, which will be pricey, but I am optimistic that she will get me through the race season with multiple successes.

DH is on board. In fact, we are hoping against hope that he will be so busy working that he won't realize that I am out training 1/2 the week. We are hoping that the new year will finally bring him career success. He deserves it. The mental anguish has been punishment enough. So if you have any spare juju, send them our way. I need my man to be a happy, employed pilot!

I must first get through the ski season. It's been a decade since I've skiied, and not very well, I'll add. I didn't grow up on skis, I was enrolled in a ski club at the age of 14 and was in the beginner group with 6-year olds. My best friend at the time was with me, and together, we were teacher's pet because we could help discipline the little hellions. It was pretty pathetic at the end of the season when they all skiied better than me. Hubs is a snowboarder. Since the last time I skiied, snowboarding was "rebellious," I'm not sure what to think of this. I got him a snowboard, boots, and bindings for Christmas, so I'm invested in our Colorado lifestyle now. He informed me that snowboarding results in less knee injuries than skiing.....and for some reason, I am more interested in snowboarding NOW than I should be. ;)

Well, I must finish my cruise summary now. It'll be up shortly....hopefully with pictures.

Happy New Year!

I'm Ba-ack....

2008-12-16T15:33:00.000-08:00

And I'm sick!

But what a wonderful time it was..... My first vacation in eons, and it was just phenomenal. Am planning on doing a little travel blog for the trip once DH gets the pics uploaded, so stay tuned....

As for training? Well, do you know how hard it is to run around deck in 12-foot swells? Or to get up at 6am to run when you were up until 1:00am watching the "adult" comedy show and have to go on an all-day physical excursion at 8am?

It's hard! I managed 2 hours on the elliptical in my 7 days.....2 hours of snorkeling and kayaking, at least 4 hours of walking briskly all over Miami, Grand Cayman, and Tulum..... We also never once took an elevator on the ship. That means sometimes we'd climb 11 floors to get where we needed to go, since our room was on lovely level 1. :) So yes, I ate like a pig, but I was also as active as I could be.

Running coach forgot about the cruise and e-mailed to find out where I was the past few weeks. I feel delinquent! And slow..... Oh well, what's done is done.

Will post more when I have photos!

My Butt Hurts

2008-12-02T16:13:00.000-08:00

Sorry, TMI. But it really does! Whenever I walk, I can feel it run down the side to my hip and OUCH. And the sad part? I have done nothing aside from ride the trainer for the past week. No running for me-- it snowed all weekend long and it's pitch black at night (and did I mention cold?!) when I finally get home at night. I feel like a blob. And my butt hurts.

On a different note, my bank account is noticeably smaller thanks to this lovely cruise idea I had. Sure, it sounded cheap at the time, but when you add on all the exotic excursions I've signed us up for, we're having one hell of a vacay. Dinner at the uber fancy supper club one night, and a new kayak/snorkeling adventure in Roatan. In the rain, probably, as the 10-day forecast is looking scary. We leave Saturday morning, and I haven't started packing yet. I did, however, receive the tankini I ordered from http://www.athleta.com/ last week. It's gorgeous! Very excited about it-- I think this is the first time I've ordered a bathing suit online and I actually liked how it fit. At any rate, this was the biggest stress on me.......but now it's done. Check it out:

DH bought a crazy camouflage "bonnet" for our excursions in the sun. I say bonnet, but he swears it's a "killing hat" because he bought it at an Army Surplus store. Honestly, all I want to do is break out in the Judy Garland "Easter Parade" song when I see him. Ugh! I will have to insist it gets removed for all pictures, as it's just too much to handle.

Work is cranking up again, right in time for my departure. I know my boss is upset that I'm taking a vacation, but it's my first one in years and I have 8 vacation days that I earned and would lose if I didn't take it. So here I am, taking my vacay. Woohoo!!! Now I just need to find the phone number to the ship in case of emergency.

So I suppose that's it from me. 3 more days!!!

Cruisin'

2008-11-19T09:04:00.000-08:00

Guess who's taking a vacation?!

Oh, yes....that would be me. After years and years of taking vacation time to visit family over the holidays and to move across the country, yours truly sucked it up and booked a 7-day Western Caribbean cruise. I'll be visiting the exotic ports of call of Grand Cayman, Roatan, Belize, and Cozumel, from the comforts of my windowless interior closet. (Hey, I'm cheap, what can I say?) So far, I've book an exotic shore excursion to Tulum from Cozumel, and I'm on the verge of booking a Belizean cave tubing expedition. Yes, I know my husband can't swim....but I CAN! We leave on December 6th, so I am bounding over with excitement. It will be so nice to just get away and leave everything behind. And this time around, my beloved kitty can go to Grandma's house instead of staying at the Petshotel!

Life's been busy the past week or so. Have spent more time at work sitting on my butt than I'd like to, but I was forewarned about the time committment. I've done my share of screwing up, but overall, I feel like I'm holding the ship together.

In the 10-lb weight loss challenge, I've managed to gain 5. Insanity, I tell you. So this week, I am drinking loads of coffee and hoping to flush out my system.

The running is going alright. This weekend was a race out at Chatfield State Park, through the gravel ponds and along the streams. My first trail run, and what a blast it was! It was a 5-miler, starting out on a dirt road for about a mile, then meandering into miles and miles of singletrack. I ended up 5th out of 13 in my age group, and 18 out of 66 women overall...... My watch time was about 30 seconds faster than the time posted in the results, but the distance was also .12 miles shorter. I think there was plenty of room for improvement, considering I stopped and picked up a guy several times. (See race report below) Anyway, for your reading pleasure, behold my Chatfield 5 Miler race report:

Got to the race around 8:20am and there was no parking left at Kingfisher, so had to park up the road a bit. This ended up not being so bad, as we had our own toilets and bypassed the huge lines by the official parking lot. Got my number, signed my waiver, then took off on a quick warmup run. It was freezing cold.....apparently it was in the 20's when people left their houses, so we were probably running in the 30's. I was double-layered in my Skins and my running tights, and had my sexy Sugoi winter pullover underneath a windbreaker. I was comfy, but ended up dropping some layers early on.

This is my 3rd month at altitude, and I'm finally adjusting. I was shocked at how high my heart rate was, but I'm hoping it's just the monitor and not me, as I've been working on lowering it while running. At any rate, the race was a little frustrating for me, because I was behind this guy who kept tripping and falling over. Every time I asked him if he was okay, he'd pause, then almost angrily say "yes" but he wouldn't get up! so I took to grabbing him and getting him up, even though his legs weren't cooperating too well. I thought he was having a stroke or something, but he'd get back up and run faster than me, so I was confused?! At any rate, this happened 3 times, and I can't tell you how long it took each time, but surely it was a minute or more. You can see at mile 4 I had to pause. This is where I got him up and then left him-- there were plenty of people behind me, and he refused to let me get help for him. So off I went.... Found a guy whose pace I enjoyed, and stayed behind him through the twisty last portion of the race. When I came into the finish, there were four younger-looking women in front of me....but I had NOTHING and I even let the girl in front of me get me by 1 second. ONE SECOND!!! What was I thinking? In retrospect, I really should have hurt more and gone for her, but looking at my heart rate, I'm thinking maybe that wasn't the best move. ;)

Overall I'm pretty happy with this race. Once I dropped my jacket, I think I dressed appropriately enough. If I were doing the 10-miler, I would have shed the other layer..... I regret not staying with the guy who was tripping and finding someone with a cell phone. There were 2 ambulances that headed out into the woods, and since I never saw him again, I'm assuming he was in one of them. If I had recognized his symptoms at the sign of the first trip and run back to an aid station, perhaps it would have been better for him? Anyway, suffice it to say I am haunted by it still and hope that he is okay today. I finished the race in 47:20, which I suppose wasn't too bad considering we were running on trails and dodging rocks and roots and other debris. My splits got slower and slower as the race progressed, which is a first for me. But at least it means I put it all out on the table. Usually, I hold back too much and then regret that I didn't go for it at the end. So all in all, I can't complain. MUCH better than my first Colorado race, where I ran an embarassing 32 minute three miles. ;)

Torture

2008-11-08T17:27:00.000-08:00

Well, I've been absent for a while. Big shocker there! What has kept me so busy all these blogless weeks? Quite frankly, I'm being tortured.

First, I got my flu shot on Thursday. I've rebelled against the flu shot for as long as I can remember, but this year my company had the Visiting Nurses come to our office and they were giving them for FREE. Can you imagine?! So, I decided to suck it up on Thursday and get the flu shot. I'm not a needle freak and don't get scared about that kind of pain, so I was pretty much blowing it off. My only stipulation was that the shot wouldn't interfere with my track practice in 2 hours. The nurse explained that running would make it even better. What luck! So I filled out the paperwork and verified that I wasn't allergic to eggs, feathers (yeah, um, because I have lot of previous exposure to feathers), or that contact lense solution, although I don't have contacts.

My nurse was a sweetie. Poked my arm, didn't hurt at all, and then she told me to sit in the room for 15 minutes, since it was my first flu shot. She wanted me to tell her if my throat started getting scratchy or if I had trouble breathing.

Almost immediately, my injected arm started feeling strange.....like I had had it raised for 20 minutes and then brought it down, so that there was no blood in it at all. It was heavy, and painful. But I kept smiling and small talking with the guy next to me, because surely I was imagining it. 5 minutes in, the pain was worse, and I was starting to itch in random places. I had some weird stomach pains, too, but I thought that perhaps my yogurt from 1/2 hour earlier was bad? And then my HEAD was itching like mad. I must have had a panicked look on my face, because soon I had 3 nurses hovering over me, pulling up my sleeves and looking at the rash that started to take hold of my pale white skin. I insisted it was nothing, but I was definitely getting scared. My pulse and blood pressure stayed fine, though, and eventually everything but the itchiness and the pain in my arms (which spread to my legs). Nightmare! I had to take 2 Benadryl, which pissed me off because I wasn't entirely sure what that was going to do to me at track practice.

So, off I go to run after the flu shot poisoned me. I did my warmup run, but I was really, really tired. The track seemed like it existed in this weird dimension for me. Coach asked how I was doing, and when I said, "I don't know," she dismissed me! Insanity. I mean, I NEEDED this practice. I desperately needed to burn some more calories so I could eat dinner. :) Bummer.

Then today, I went to practice again. November is "strength" month. I had no idea what that meant when it came to running until today.... I hate Strength!!

So, we started out with a gorgeous 25 minute warmup run around the various lakes and marshes. There were dirt trails everywhere -- it was an off-road runner's dream. I saw herds of deer and all sorts of eagles on my warmup....which should have been calming, but I was so angry at my heart rate. (Which i've been trying to keep below 170 on easy runs....) It just wasn't cooperating. I kept having to walk, so of course, every time I had to walk I'd cuss at my watch. I must have looked like a total nut job.

We did 4 sets of 30-second strides on the trail after warmup, which was fun. I'm starting to see consistent sub 6-minute mile pace in my strides, which is a first for me. There's some speed in me!

After strides, Coach had put out a "course" that she said would make our day "fun." Liar! She had marked the various trails with cones, and we had instructions for every set of cones. The circuit was performed like this:
1/2 mile time trial
1/2 mile recovery run
1/4 mile time trial
1/8 mile recovery run
1/2 mile time trial

rest 3 minutes, repeat

Holy mother of all that is painful!!!! I felt pleased when Coach selected me out of the 25 some odd women to start off with the two other fast girls. I was stupid beyond belief and feeling fabulous, so I took off after the first girl with a fire in my belly. Of course, she's training for a marathon, and not just to get the distance....she's training to ROCK her marathon. Anyway, the girl kept us on a 6:30 mile pace for the first 1/4 mile, and then a 7 min mile pace for the second half. Even on a good day, when I can walk and then go home, this is fast for me. To say I was gutted by the time I hit the first "recovery run" is an understatement. I coughed, cried, hyperventilated.....but did I walk? Well, I tried, but Coach was chasing after us yelling "no walking! Run slow to recover!" Seriously, my poor little heart was not having this at all. I struggled, and it was a miracle that I finished 2 of those circuits. To think that we go back in 2 weeks and do it again.....UGH! Why do I do this again?

Hey, on the plus side, I'm still employed!

Mega Cycle

2008-10-23T09:14:00.000-07:00

So, I didn't make it to practice last night after all.

I left work. Got dressed. Then realized I was wearing a black shirt with blue pants. I know what you're thinking -- it's just a run, who cares? Well, I'm still meeting people. Building up the street cred. You know.... I can't exactly show up to practice CLASHING. The horror!

So I drove home, all pissed off and cranky. I checked the rec center schedule once I got home and noticed that there was a 1.5 hour spin class called "Mega Cycle" that I could go to, so I changed my clothes and off I went. I know that I was supposed to run last night, but I just don't enjoy being so cold! Surely the spin class couldn't be that bad for me....

Anyway, Mega Cycle. Filled with tons of old men, and one moderately middle-aged cyclist with a very nice butt....I sat behind him and stared the whole time. ;) Okay, okay, I'm not really that perverted. But it was right there in front of me. Kind of hard to avoid! Our instructor was a total psychopath. Thought it was fun to redline the entire time. I tried hard to regulate my pace. I want to maintain an aerobic base through the winter, that is all.....but I couldn't help testing out the resistance a little and seeing how hard I could push it. I think everyone in the class was a total pansy, though. 45 minutes in, one guy bragged about how he wasn't even sweating! I glared at him and said, "somebody isn't trying hard enough." Prick. I mean, seriously?! If you haven't broken a sweat in spin class, you are a lazy pig. End of story. You control the resistance!

Man, can you feel the negative energy surrounding me? I just can't help myself these days. My company laid off 25 people last week.....had I stayed in California, I would have been one of them. So I think I'm still suffering survivor's remorse from that..... I'm in this 10-lb weight loss challenge on BT, and I haven't weighed myself in 2 weeks because I'm so afraid of what I'll see. And no, I haven't exactly been on my best behavior, either. I'm stressed out and all I want to do is munch. And DH bought Halloween candy, opened the bag, and it's sitting in a giant pumpkin in my living room as we speak. Do you think I haven't touched it?

Oh, and to top it off, I am not an accountant or a CPA. It makes my current job excruciatingly painful and difficult. My direct reports think I am an absolute moron.....but sorry, I don't speak NERD! Ugh. Eventually I'll figure it all out, but until then, they shall continue to think of me as their idiot boss.

So, there you have it. I am a clashing, run-avoiding, mega-cycling, fat idiot. Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up on a better side of the bed!

I AM going to practice

2008-10-22T15:10:00.000-07:00

It's freezing here. Literally, "see your breathe," legs are numb, need-a-jacket kind of freezing. And yes, I did grow up here....but I'm a pansy now.

To prepare for the cold, I am now in possession of a Sugoi Hoodie....to keep my neck and ears warm, and to protect my poor freezing hands. I bought windproof tights, but I can't seem to find them. I even have a weatherproof windbreaker. I am, on all accounts, prepared to face the elements....

But boy am I having a hard time talking myself into going to track practice tonight!

I usually do Thursday nights, but since I got Avs tickets for the game on Thursday, I needed to switch my run to today....new location....new coaches.... I just don't know. The mountains look gloomy (they usually give you warning when bad weather is coming!), my boss is on the warpath and probably will want me to work late, and I'm having trouble getting motivated..... Could I not run through this workout on the treadmill? Maybe? Or would I eff up my knees even worse?

Ugh. I don't know..... I'm thinking I'm going to treadmill it and see how I feel. Life happens, right?

Oh, I'm alive, btw. Just not up to much, so feel silly blogging about it. I'll be back, though....Soon.... I can feel the need to get it all out.

Wii Would Like to Run

2008-10-10T15:24:00.001-07:00

The past month and a half has almost been like a mourning period for me. We'd always knew we were going to move back to Colorado......and the time job-wise was right..... But I wasn't ready to leave the life I made for myself there, and forcing myself to give up my friends, my training, my Coach..... Well, it really took its toll on me and I've felt a little incomplete ever since.

Yesterday, I got a piece of that back. Thank goodness! It was my first practice with the triathlon team coaches and their off-season running program. The head coach for the entire program was there, and she was a hoot. Very knowledgable about running and triathlon, instantly zoning in on my goals and my weaknesses as she carefully assessed everything from heart rate to distance times. She picked up on my stiff shoulder (the one that makes it so I cannot hug my husband without crying out in pain, but I can still swim so I don't bother to get it looked at), my slight pronation of my right foot, my lack of flexibility......and the fact that I'd rather leave it all out on course than not try. We did 5 400-meter time trials with one minute of rest in between, and when I went off on #5, she yelled to me, "Don't kill yourself! Just get through it!" It made me laugh, because that's exactly what my old Coach would tell me. So, I've traded Coaches...the confident sometimes-Boston accented Cali girl to the sassy, short South American ex-uber athlete. I think we're going to get along just fine.

After practice, we talked about my inability to enjoy running. How my heart rate is really never low, even with a supposed "LSD" run. She said that's because I never took the time to build a proper base. Well, before I could get defensive about my old Coach, I had to think about that..... I went from being a non-runner (as in, never ran more than a mile continuously in my life) to running 3-mile sprints in 12 weeks. And then I stopped, took some time off, and went into the Olympic training plan for my 6-mile race distance.....I think we started end of January, and the race was the first week in April? There was no such thing as long slow distance for me....if I stopped and walked the majority of my 7-mile runs in order to keep my heart rate down, I would have never ever made it to race day. So yes, she is right. I never took the time to build a proper base.

Hello TIME!

Although I am sore today, I am excited about the future with this group and this new Coach. Not the same as what I had with the Divas, but it'll do for now.

In between this new run program and my Tuesday night spin class (insanity-- the teacher gets off the bike to refill water bottles --- it's only an hour class--- we don't need water!!!), I am pleased to report that I am finally using the Wii Fit that hubby bought for me after the move. We spent a gazillion dollars on this stupid gaming system, so I was bound and determined to make use of it. But I absolutely LOATHE video games, so it's been tough. When it does the body test and tells me my body isn't balanced and I must have trouble standing up, I seriously want to put a hole through my television set. When I gain weight (and i do -- let's face it, depending on what I've eaten that day, my weight DOES in fact vary!), it asks me to identify a cause of my weight gain. Do you think there's anything there that doesn't sound alarming? NO! So I have to say "I don't know" and then it lectures me on exercising and eating. And when that f*cker sees that I haven't been on it for a few days, it says, "have you been lazy?!" Um, excuse me.....I actually got off my rear and did real exercise. You know, us lazy people can think of better things to do than to stand in place and hula hoop.

But I digress. Yes, the Wii Fit infuriates me. Yet I continue to do it.... Why, you ask? For the yoga! I love the yoga poses. Unfortunately, this POS program only gives you 5 to start with, so I have to run in place, hula hoop, do lunges, and weigh in so I can unlock the rest of them. I don't find the yoga to be relaxing on the Wii, but it does give me a better sense of the correct form that I need for each pose and I love that it stretches and strengthens my problem areas, like my pesky hip flexors. If I could just turn on the Wii Fit and do yoga independent of the other crap, I think I'd be somewhat happy with it.

So that's my scoop. Work is getting busy. New run program and coaches rock. Wii Fit is MADDENING. And now it is time for me to go home!

Felt Invasion

2008-10-06T07:51:00.000-07:00

You would think that visiting nine bike shops in one day over the weekend would be something I'd enjoy.

You would be right, if I was shopping for myself. But, alas, my husband commandeered the day AND the purpose, determined to purchase a road bike for himself so that he can follow me to the ends of the earth and back. Woohoo.

I should be happy. Really, I should. Except he's such a freaking copy cat!!! We went to 9 bike shops on Saturday, and at the very last one, he found a 63 inch Felt F75. Yes, that's my bike. Just ginormously bigger. And with a touch of red.....

My poor bank account. I really was hoping he'd say, "you know, honey....since I intend to be a busy working boy in the future, I will settle for this $700 bike and call it a day. Sora works for me!" But no. Only the best.

We went on our first ride yesterday, and he sort of kept up. I mean, it was on the narrow and winding bike trail, so it wasn't like I could drop him going 21 mph. But I tried. We only made it 8 miles yesterday, as his fitness level still isn't up to par. I think next time I just need to pack tons of food and keep luring him away from home so he doesn't have the choice to turn around too soon.

At any rate, meet the Buff's newest mate, Satan. (He hates red, remember?!)

Lemming

2008-10-04T08:04:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday morning.

I should be pulling out the bike, slapping on the colder weather clothes, and going on a nice long ride. Or driving to the gym and swimming at a nice aerobic clip for 45 minutes to an hour. Or maybe even do some yoga and physical therapy so that my hip flexor improves.

But no. I am sitting here waiting for dear hubby, who is green with envy and desperately wants a road bike, to get ready to go to a million bike shops in the Denver Metro area.

He wants a road bike. But not just any roadbike! No, my "I deserve to use my entire paycheck for fun things" husband (while my paycheck does what? Pays the bills?) wants 105 components OR BETTER!!! Not that he's ever really ridden a road bike in his life, mind you. Or that he will actually ride it frequently. No, he claims he will, but I know him and his passing fancies better. What about a used bike, you ask? Well, no......Mr. Pristine doesn't do used. And the 2008 clearance bikes? Well, most of them are red or have a little red on them. Mr. "I Hate Nebraska" doesn't do red.

HELP ME!!!!

My poor house down payment is about to be decimated by my determined and expensive spouse.

And you know what? Even a 105-equipped roadbike won't be enough for him to catch me.......

Race Photos...a sampling

2008-09-29T18:28:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm too lazy to post more, so here you go. Pre-race, bike, and run. It feels so empty without the swim!

Anyway, after digesting this race for a day, I am still pissed about my run. Next year. Next year, I tell you! I will redeem myself.

I'm a Survivor

2008-09-28T20:16:00.000-07:00

Woohoo! First race in Colorado is completed and it's down in the record books....where hopefully the run time will disappear into obscurity.

Anyway, my race today was a mixture of sadness and elation. In transition, I was all alone and there wasn't a soul there that I knew except for my handsome Sherpa. I wore my Diva uniform proudly, but it only meant something to me. While setting up, all I could think about was my team at OC Tri, doing the same thing I was doing this morning, except without me.

But on the flipside, it was nice to know that even though I'm not within the comforts of my team and Southern California, I can still show up to a race and throw down on the bike. (Well, relatively speaking here....)

So, how'd it go? Well, I have mixed emotions about that one. My bike, although difficult, felt phenomenal and I really left it all out on the bike course today. It was best described as "rolling," with more hills than I'm used to climbing. (Although none were particularly bad) It was a time trial start, so hundreds of us lined up and they sent us off every 5 seconds. I'd checked my gear ahead of time, so when she told me to "go!" I clipped in instantly, kept standing, and hammered my way down the first hill. I heard some of the spectators say "shit!" as I went by.....I guess most people were just lollygagging. But I needed to make this one count!

It was a beautiful 12.5 mile course on the plains, and my arm warmers kept me nice and warm. On the biggest climb of the course out in the middle of nowhere, 50+ high school boys, presumably the football team, lined the road and cheered us on. I couldn't stop cracking up! And of course they are all hormones and yelling "go baby!" the whole time, which totally made me smile. So of course I passed everyone in sight and hollered at them as I went by. I mean, who knows me? I'm not from here.

By mile 8, I'd burned everything in the tank. Oops. I was coughing up blood (it's so dry here-- my poor nose can't handle it), my lungs burned, and I had no idea how I was going to get myself back to the transition area. So I threw it into the little ring on the last few climbs and just hung in there. The plan was to have a nice bike and screw the run, and the plan was executed to a tee.

SO, I ended up finishing the bike in 38:58, running into transition with nothing left in me. I racked my bike wrong, so had to take it out and stick it back (different kind of rack this time!), then grabbed my number and ran out. Under a minute! Woohoo!

How sad is it that all I cared about was the bike and the transition?

So, the run. I walked immediately after I got out of transition and gasped for air. It was not filling my lungs. It was not mental at this point.....my weakness was a combined lack of conditioning and the altitude. I had to walk for a full minute to calm my breathing, then started out on the run. It seemed to go on forever, in what could best be described as a rolling course. No outright "hills," but you were never running flat. I had to stick to a 5 min run/1 min walk strategy, and it wasn't until I hit the 2nd mile marker that I felt in my groove. Unfortunately, it was too little too late --- my 13 minute 1st mile did me in and I had to cross the finish line with an embarassing 32 minute 5K. Yes, I said 32 minutes. But you know what? I'm comfortable seeing that number because I know I did the best that my body was capable of, and I know that when I am prepared, that number will go back down to the mid 20's where it belongs.

I ended up 5th out of 24 in my age group and 31 out of 236 overall. Not as stellar as I'd hoped, but every day can't be a good one. This was a fun little race for women, and I really loved being able to do the time trial start. Next year, I know that I'll be able to come back and really KILL this year's time. So I'm okay with that.

The aftermath of my little duathlon has been tough. I've been coughing all day and sound like a darn smoker! My left calf is tighter than you can imagine and totally sore. And my back! Ouch. Clearly, I need to make some changes.

Tomorrow, I am signing up for an off-season running program. I had the option of 3 different programs--- faster 5K/10K, Half Marathon, Marathon. I'm opting for the speedwork, as my immediate goals are to improve my Olympic and Sprint distance triathlons. I know that everyone in my group is moving along to Half Iron distance races and half marathons, but I cannot be mediocre. I refuse. So I'm going to try to get fast before I go longer. And I'm okay with that as well.

So, that's the race recap. Will post photos tomorrow when I switch computers. Hubby did a pretty good job and I'm only slightly mortified with the outcome. :)

Ready or Not

2008-09-26T12:59:00.000-07:00

This weekend is my first race in the State of Colorado since my very first triathlon in 2004. We aren't going to talk about that triathlon, since it was quite possibly the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life and was atrociously slow. (My goal: to not be last)

This was a gift race, from a very nice lady I met on Beginnertriathlete.com. I transferred her entry into my name, and thought, "wow, one month of acclimation. That should be perfect." Well, it should have been perfect, had my bike not arrived 3 weeks into my month and had I not been sick for ages and ages.

I am going into the DuWop Duathlon with a 12-mile bike under my belt and four 3-mile runs since I left California. I am going to get my butt handed to me on a platter. AND I am certain I will puke in the process.

Why do I do this to myself?!

At any rate, I've signed up for the Cruiser category, which is basically just a 12-mile bike and a 5K run. I initially was going to do the full du, but the smart part of my brain figured 6 miles of running might not work so well with me. I'm so relieved. I very nearly transferred into the Mini Cruiser category last week, which is 1/2 of the Cruiser distance, but I think this race is for beginners and I would feel very guilty taking my lazy butt and racing it.

So, this weekend, I'm about to eat a honkin', stinky piece of Humble Pie. I'm going to take it like a woman, though. I'll smile for the cameras. I'll throw my hands up in the air at the finish. I will be nice to my fellow competitors. And then I will go home and pray that Athlinks never connects my results to my account.

Happy weekend!

Addiction

2008-09-23T07:35:00.001-07:00

I've been occupied of late, and I'm ashamed to admit it had nothing to do with moving. Or triathlon. Or weight loss.

No, this is something far more viral, addictive, and almost embarassing. It's not even meant for a grown woman-- young adults. It keeps me up at night, and I spend half the day thinking about the characters even when there is work to do. I spent an entire week entranced in this new occupation of mine, ignoring television, friends, family, my husband. It's sad.

Yes, I am addicted to Twilight.

Laugh all you want, but I've got the hots for Edward Cullen, and I'm even planning on wearing a Team Edward t-shirt to the movie premier the day AFTER dear hubby's birthday. I've managed to hook both of my sisters on the series as well, which include a grand total of 4 books and nearly 2000 pages. I can't even begin to describe why this series is so addictive or fun to read, but suffice it to say that when I finished the last book, I was devastated. I love me some vampires!!!

Anyway, I felt I owed at least a partial explanation of why I couldn't be bothered to blog over the past month.

I've been hot and bothered. :)

Some Assembly Required

2008-09-21T08:16:00.000-07:00

It is with immense relief and gratification that I sit here with a cup of coffee, on my crappy brown sofa, in my brand new townhome. Yes, I am fat and out of shape, but....I am home.

After nearly 3 weeks of insanity.....moving, driving across states that look like Mars, wearing the same 5 work outfits over and over, attempting to get workouts in on a treadmill, and feeling like I was on a very bad, extended vacation.... I am finally settled!

Movers came on Wednesday, but the immense number of boxes was really frightening. I didn't make much of a dent at all by the time work rolled around on Thursday, and DH has the worst ADD on the planet and didn't get much accomplished on his own on Thursday OR Friday. So I'd been feeling a little stressed out and overwhelmed by all the unpacking and general chaos in my life. Fortunately, I finally conquered the last of the boxes last night, and hubby assembled the remaining piece of his Ikea shopping spree.

My bike was assembled on Friday night. It was a process, though. They'd removed the front wheel, the front derailleur, the stem with handlebars, seatpost, and pedals. But I was determined to do it myself, so I took it upon myself to carefully pull it out of the Ladera Cyclery-packed box and extricate my beloved "Buff." What a bitch that was! Suffice it to say that figuring out how to reassemble this thing was not as easy as I thought it would be. I spent a lot of time on the floor all greased up, crying, wondering how I'd get it all together with my little multi-purpose bike tool. Alas, an hour later, I had an intact bike.....until I realized that my seat was tilted to the right and the handlebars were pointed in a different direction than the wheel. Oops! So, more adjusting, and it was perfect.

I even took it for a 16-mile spin yesterday. After a short technical difficulty, I took off on the C470 trail by my crib and enjoyed my first Colorado ride in several years. My take? Well, bike paths are no Santiago Canyon. I actually got going faster on the downhills than I ever did in California, but I was scared to death.....all sorts of gravel and sand on the trails, and the trails themselves twist and turn unpredictably. I was riding the brakes like there was no tomorrow.

I have a race next Sunday, and to be honest, averaging 16mph yesterday just isn't going to get me anywhere near the podium. Hopefully I gain a few mph on the road and redeem myself, but who knows. I'm happy to report that my legs feel 100% -- it's the cardiovascular that stinks really bad here in Colorado. I'm signing up for a fall run program next week, so I am hopeful that'll help with the cardio.

SO, that is my scoop. Am settled. Am on my way to being happy, but as we all know, that's a tough order. I'm still out-of-shape, but I'm trying to be active without my Divas. Work is work.....some of it is mundane, but I work for a great person and overall it's a pretty easy deal. And it moved me back home, which has made everyone happy. (As I said, I'm getting there)

And for those who know us personally, hubby has been hired by another airline and we think his class will start in October. My Dad is teaching the class, so we are hopeful this will be a little bit easier the 2nd time around. We could use your good thoughts, though.

Promise to write more from here on out. Have plenty to write about now-- life at altitude!

Sick and Tired

2008-09-04T13:06:00.001-07:00

I give up! I surrender! Germs of the world, I GET IT. I am a most worthy host. You love my body. I am susceptible to your ways. You win.

Now could you please leave me alone so I can get back to my regularly scheduled life? I am so sick of being sick, I cannot even begin to expound upon it. It all started Monday morning, before our "Welcome Home" barbecue with family and friends. The cold from H-E double ski poles. Really nasty. I was grumpy all day, and by nightfall, had turned into a sniveling wreck. I started my first day of work on no sleep and so stuffed up I couldn't even talk without wanting to cry. Even now, on day 4, I am exhausted and snotty.

This now marks my 3rd week of total inactivity. TOTAL inactivity. I am beyond depressed, but not sure what to do. I can barely breathe, how can I run? I am positively convinced that every last shred of fitness that I worked so hard to obtain for the past year is now down the drain, and this leaves me depressed and frustrated. I'm trying to meet a friend at the rec center tonight to swim some laps, but I'm not even showing up with a plan and have no idea how I am going to feel in the pool. I just hope it's warm and not crowded! Well, first I hope I even make it. I am committed, but we'll see if she can get out of work in time and feels up for it. If not, I'm driving straight home.....what's another day of nothingness to add on to the past 3 weeks?

My only bright spot is that I've started a new book, and I love it. I cannot wait to get home so I can read tonight. You'll laugh, but the "Twilight" mania has taken me over. I heard it was better than Harry Potter. I don't know if I'd go that far, but it really is captivating and I adore it so far. Heck, I was up until midnight last night devouring it, and I am sure tonight will be much the same.

Oh! I have picked a triathlon strategy. Can't believe I forgot that. I'm going to join CWW and train with the "competitive" group from January - September. I want to work on trying to qualify for Sprint Nationals within the next few years. Not sure if I have it in me or not, but we'll see! I also want to know if I have a HIM in me.....the "competitive" group (there are beginners, intermediates working on moving up to Olympic, and then the competitive group) trains for longer distances. I figure this is the best way to get my sister and mom involved in the sport, as it's all women and not threatening. At the same time, I plan to join the Parker Tri Club so that I can have more local access to group practices and a co-ed group to train with. Again, I have a single 26-year old sister. Gotta find her a man! This fall, I am hoping to join CWW's running group. I might claim to be training for a half marathon, just so I can stay active this winter and improve my running.

Work is going okay. I have quite the learning curve ahead of me and 2 direct reports that I need to start thinking about. My goal is to formulate the "big picture" in my head of what I need to accomplish, pick my minions' brains on what they do and where they want to go with their careers, and then figure out how we are all going to work together whilst I try to develop them as best as I can. They are of the Accounting mindset and I am uber big picture, so this should be interesting! But I like that I have an office, and I feel like my boss and I get along really well. Now, give me a month....I may be singing a different tune!

Until then, my snotty, out of shape, sick and sorry butt is signing out

We Have Arrived....Oh, Boy, Have We Ever

2008-08-31T19:18:00.000-07:00

Greetings from Denver!

It is surreal, for sure. Every morning I wake up and there is a chill to the air. When I see the deer in the backyard that my Dad considers a nuisance. When I'm driving and know which way West is because the mountains are always there, larger than life. (OK, I had that in Orange County, too, but it's a little different....mountains were East and that really messed with me) Anyway, we arrived late on Wednesday night. My tires are a little bald and the cat was a little overly-rested, but we survived the journey.

Thursday morning was all about finding a home. My dear, brilliant husband decided that my time off would be best spent after our time in California was through.....that we would be able to find an apartment on our first day in Colorado, re-routing our belongings from storage to the new address.

What my brilliant husband did not take into account was that somehow, Denver's rental economy is not only robust, but it's a freaking NIGHTMARE for renters. Nightmare. On our first day, nobody had immediate vacancies. They were 100% pre-leased, with first units available after the end of September. And even if the units were ready to be leased, we weren't able to see them because they weren't "ready." Our fallback option was the community we had lived in four years ago before leaving Colorado. Much to my dismay, it was a bit of a nightmare. Broken garages everywhere, trash all over, landscaping overrun.....and not to mention cigarette butts everywhere. I left there and cried. It was not looking good.

Friday was much the same, although we were able to identify 3 possible apartments in the month of September that we would consider living in. On a whim, I contacted a Craigslist ad and arranged to tour a townhome on Saturday morning. I had a feeling this was the one, but it was pretty pricey and not going to provide the huge savings we thought we'd have over Orange County rent.

Thankfully, it had good bones. Saturday morning's tour was mostly okay......the current tenant is a single mother of 2 teenage boys, with 2 cats. She is a mess, and the carpet was pretty well thrashed. More dirty than destroyed, but pretty gross. Everything needed to be cleaned and lights needed to be replaced, but the "bones" of the townhome were good. 3 stories. Tandem garage on bottom floor with bonus room that is perfect for my trainer and triathlon crud. Full bath adjoining bonus room, for sweaty triathlon bodies to shower. 2nd floor is the living room with foyer, dining room, kitchen, and 1/2 bath. 3rd floor is the 2nd bedroom, linen closet, washer/dryer, master bedroom, and 2 full baths. Yes, you have read this correctly --- 3 1/2 baths. It is my dream come true, after having lived with DH in a 1-bathroom apartment for so many years. We figure the extra money is worth the extra space....we are more than doubling the square footage that we had in California, and now both of our cars can stay in the garage. Here are some pics for family and friends:

I am also pleased to say that I did a bangup job in negotiations. The landlords, who are a very cute younger couple, initially wanted an 18 month lease. I talked them down to 6 months, with a month-to-month tenancy thereafter with only a 30-day notice of intent to vacate. I figure this should give us enough time to settle, figure out where we want to live, and househunt before we commit to buying a home. The lease is far more friendly than a lease with an apartment management company, and I really, honestly feel like we are going to be happy here. I am literally 1 minute from *2* bike trails.....one that is 12 miles one way, and another that goes all the way to the mountains and makes for an additional 50 miles from Denver to the West side. I mean, this is SWEET! (Except it's going to snow soon, I am sure, so I won't be able to partake until late spring)

On another note, I am positively disgusted with myself for not having done anything physical at all since I've arrived. Climbing stairs has left me winded, so I am really scared to see what has happened to my run fitness. It's almost been 2 weeks since I did anything, so tomorrow morning I am forcing myself to get dressed and out early. I'm going to try my best to run. ....and hope I don't get so frustrated that I cry.

Speaking of crying, even with family I feel awfully lonely out here. I guess it's because I've had the Divas for the past year. The same faces every weekend and after work. I'm group-motivated, so it feels like a part of me is missing. Perhaps that will ease up with time, but I'm struggling for sure.

My cat is finally settled. He has proven to be omega, the cat in the herd who is so chill that he's okay with backing away from any and every fight. His mother is proud of him and thinks him to be very smart. His father, on the other hand, thinks he's a wuss, especially considering he outweighs the other four cats by over half their weight! (His head is twice the size of theirs-- I am convinced he could sit on them and suffocate them) Nobody loves him quite yet, but the hissing is more or less over and done with. It makes me happy to see him like this, but would you believe he prefers the dog over the cats?

So, that is my news. We are moved in. I have 16 more days living with the parents until I can move into my new place. It's KILLING me, and the thought of being here for two more weeks is only slightly disturbing. I miss my bike.

How's that for an update? I promise, more goodies coming soon. Next entry: training at altitude and Weight Watchers Core.....oh, the things we do to get faster.....

From the Road

2008-08-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

Oh, I couldn't help it. Greetings from Washington City, Utah! We are in the lovely Holiday Inn Express, hunkered down for the evening with our superstar kitty watching "Chuck and Larry." What an emotional few days!

Movers came yesterday. When they came to the door, I inwardly felt a little disappointed....they were a combination of the Beverly Hillbillies meet the Golden Girls. A crew of 4 -- the driver and his wife, seventy somethings who wreaked of tobacco and spoke with a heavy Texas twang, and 2 fifty-somethings with toothless grins! I was thinking, "how in the heck are these people going to pack up our stuff, let alone MOVE my couch in under 24 hours?!" Really, it was shocking, but they were by far our best movers. You see, I'm on my 3rd cross country move now, so I feel like I'm becoming an expert on relocation. They were very invested in the job, and I fell in love with the driver's wife. She has had 2 surgeries for some type of abdominal cancer.....and her pain has returned, but she and her hubby have been on the road away from home for over 4 months now. It was sad-- she is a remarkabl person and I really wish she'd take the time to take care of herself instead of taking care of other peoples' belongings. Her husband said he is going to take the scenic route to Colorado so she can see Utah's red canyons for the first time. I told her it was like Mars and she will love it!

They arrived at 10am, and by 4pm, they were packed up and out. Bailey, my kitty, was locked up in the bathroom all day long and was very happy to be out and about. No furniture meant more room for him to run and slide all over the wood floors, so he was crazy!!! Of course, we hadn't washed the floors yet, so I had a buff and orange cat with BLACK paws.

We cleaned all through the night and early this morning, then pulled out around 11am for our drive. Today was the short day-- we knew we'd be tired from all the cleaning, so we backloaded our trip. I was exhausted today, as my air mattress deflated one hour after I fell asleep and I was pretty much on the floor the entire night. I couldn't wait for daylight so I could get up....all I wanted to do was hit my husband because he was all cuddled up in his sleeping bag with a fully inflated mattress. Argh. So unfair.

No exciting stories from our drive today. We are listening to Catherine Coulter's "Tailspin," and I am addicted. Hubby, on the other hand, is completely useless when it comes to fictional stories with more than 1 character and multiple story lines. (I spent an hour at dinner tonight trying to bring him up to speed!)

The big excitement is that Bailey is doing SO well with the drive and the hotel. Holiday Inn Express is fantastic for pets, and they were really accomodating. As we speak, Bailey is sitting in the window looking out at the parking lot, totally comfortable. The cat is like a dog, I swear. He sat in my lap for a few minutes of our drive (I know, bad me, but he was in my control) and behaved very well....only crying a few times. What a huge relief....he is definitely a big cause of my stress because I never know what will happen. But he always comes through.

Anyway, sorry to be so verbose, but it's cathartic! Moving is an adventure, and this is no exception.

Please pray that Hubby's "fried cheesecake" dessert doesn't come back to punish him this evening. On second thought, save them for yourself. He slept last night....he deserves some gastrointestinal distress for once. Welcome to MY world, lovey.

My First DNS

2008-08-24T13:38:00.000-07:00

I had every intention of starting the race this morning. I got up at 4:30am with everyone else. I racked my bike in transition. I even got bodymarked.

But I had not had a substantial amount of solid food for 4 days, and I had spent the previous day and all evening doing something (not throwing up) that resulted in a significant loss of water. Random scents made me want to toss my cookies. I had cotton mouth. Walking the beach made me winded. I talked to my Coach. My husband. My mom. I cried. Man, I cried a lot.

Ultimately, I handed my chip over to Kelly, owner and founder of the Divas, and told her I was going to sit this one out. I have the movers coming tomorrow and have to drive to Colorado on Tuesday.....the last thing I need is to make myself worse. Or better yet, have major gastrointestinal issues in the swim or on the run. (Walking back to the car was difficult enough--- a bottle of Pepto and 3 Immodium were seriously not enough to get me through this race)

I'm really upset with myself. Really, really upset, but I know deep down I probably did the right thing. It just stinks, especially when I was all ready to go. To top it all off, my race time from last year would have placed me #5 in my age group, so I had a legitimate shot at the podium today.....IF I was on, and clearly, having not moved since Sunday, I am not.

Crap. SO, with that, I am done with racing in California. My bike is being packed by the Ladera guys as we speak, and I am less than 24 hours away from my life completely changing. I've parted ways with my Coach (just physically), who has changed me more than she will ever know, and it totally killed me. Not to mention my teammates. I swear, I am a blubbering mess.

But it will all work out. I'll get better. The move will move along. And we'll all have a wonderful reunion next May in Lake Las Vegas.

This computer is getting packed up tonight, so I'll probably be out for a few days. Have a good week!

To race or not to race?

2008-08-23T06:42:00.000-07:00

So, tomorrow morning is the Santa Barbara Super Sprint. It marks the anniversary of my first race as a Diva and serious triathlete. (more or less!) I did surprisingly well last year, so as you can imagine, the pressure is on to crush it this year as well.

Unfortunately, I have been at home for 3 whole days now with the crud. Fever and stomach aches. Nausea. Body Aches. I made it in for my last day of work, but all I managed to do was pack and then go home and sleep the rest of the day. I made it to my Diva going-away party, but I was practically catatonic on the car ride home and completely, tragically unable to eat my white-on-white celebratory cake. Truly, as you can see, this has been a tragic last week in paradise.

Hubby and I are leaving for Santa Barbara in an hour or so. I am hungry, yet I STILL cannot eat solid food yet. Chicken noodle didn't sit well last night. Ginger Ale is my lifesaver. The fever is managed with Tylenol. I just "sweat" a lot.

But in all honesty, if I get out of breath walking up the stairs, how am I going to swim, bike, and run, AND kick last year's time in the booty?

I'm very conflicted, but if had to make the call this morning, I'd have to pass. I'm hoping tomorrow it's a different story. This race just means so much-- I will be so angry if it doesn't work out.

Sorry for the vent.

Bleh

2008-08-21T13:44:00.000-07:00

Somehow I have caught the crud. In my last week in paradise, I've had to take 2 sick days from work and sit on my rear watching Jerry Springer and reruns of John & Kate Plus 8 whilst nursing a fever and upset stomach. Oh, the cruelty!

To top it off, I have a race on Sunday. My last race in California. The only race I did last year that I will re-do this year, to measure my improvements..... But how can I improve when I've lost days of training and STILL have a fever?? Woe is me!

Now, before you feel all bad for me, did I mention it's a super sprint? In all seriousness, I'm hoping, fever and all, to at least match my 54 minute time from last year....

Anyway, thought I'd post that I am alive. I am just unwell..... But a week from today, we will be in Colorado. Homeless, because my fantastic husband refused to pick out an apartment BEFORE moving. Yes, it's sunshine and happiness in my home as I sit here in agony while he spends my money at Ikea.....

Ugh.

The Wheels Fell Off My Bus

2008-08-11T15:42:00.000-07:00

Camp Pendleton Sprint Tri Race Report

First, the good things. They were few and far between, but I'm working on becoming an optimist so I have to address them first:
#1-- A few of my teammates were all there. I was not alone, and the company on the beach was fantastic.

#2-- Michellie Jones showed up and racked one bike away from us....next to our assistant coach, who even got to chat with her. I was a little jealous.

#3-- I didn't die.

Ok, that was about it for the positive list. So with that out of the way, the race kind of went something like this:

Pre-Race-- This was race #3 in a month for me. I've been altering the plan and only got one solid week of training in in between modified taper periods for each race. I thought I was all set to kick some booty, but the human body is a mysterious entity. Mine is just a pain in the butt.

Woke up at 4:30, grabbed my coffee and bagel, and headed out the door for an uneventful drive. Glad I hit the rest stop for the bathroom before I got on base, because it really did take a 1/2 hour to get to ACU-5, Home of the Swift Intruders. I parked on the runway, then went straight to the registration line where I got my chip, my cap, and my t-shirt. (I'm getting smart these days and getting them in sizes for my husband....Camp Pendleton t-shirts are in unwearable colors!) Transition was down a 1/4 mile ramp, completely inaccessible to spectators. So once I hurried down to transition and set up next to two other Divas, I called my husband to tell him about the situation and what to expect when he and the in-laws arrived.

My teammate wrote "Divas" in chalk next to our bikes--- I had totally made fun of her for it at the time, but after the race, I was really happy it was there! Saw Michellie and her blue and pink Felt. She rocks. Convinced my friend to take Sportlegs with me, then headed out to listen to the pre-race talk and then go to the beach.

The Swim -- I had done Santa Barbara and Pacific Coast last year, so I didn't think much of ocean swims, to tell you the truth. I thought I could handle everything. But something bizarre started happening with the waves before the men started their race.....they were hitting the shore at an angle, and it looked like they were continuing to break even as you approached the first buoy. Did I mention they started to get more frequent and slightly larger as well? At one point I looked at the girls, on the verge of tears, and said, "that's it. I'm moving, and I'm not going to do this race." They knew I was full of it, but really, didn't feel like I was that crazy at the time. I finally suited up and headed into the water because I had to pee. I dove under my first wave and decided that I could do this, so I headed up to shore and that's what I told everyone. No problem. This beeyotch is mine.

Oh, so wrong!

Apparently, I cannot read waves. I had no idea there was a rip current. For 47 minutes, I did not pay close enough attention to figure out where to swim to....I just chatted away talking about how scary it looked. How STUPID could I get??!!!

I decided to take the straightest line to the first buoy, and when they counted down to zero, I sprinted into the water determined to conquer this beast. I dove under the first wave that hit us and didn't even bother doing a freestyle stroke because the next wave was upon us. Dove under that one. Then I swam a few strokes and decided I could swim to the top of the next one....and then it threw me down into the trough and I had to continue swimming. I looked up, and there was a group of girls already to the first buoy....and then the rest of us stuck in this bizzarre and tumultuous limbo. I could not swim more than a few strokes before the next wave would come, and then I'd be paralyzed before I could decide what I was going to do with it. Swim? Dive under? Pray? I swallowed insane amounts of water.

When I realized the first buoy was not getting closer, I did start to panic a little bit. The rescue boat was in the water somewhere-- surely nobody would notice if I waived that cute little driver over to me and faked a cramp to get out of the water like the 7 other swimmers that were rescued that day?? Seriously, I'm moving....nobody will remember me..... I sucked it up and finished this swim, but it wasn't easy. I was out of breath for most of it because the sheer panic was difficult to handle, and I think I must have been swimming hard to fight whatever was sucking me back to shore as I tried to reach the first buoy.

(I know, the waves don't look like much, but trust me, it was torture from here on out!)

Once I was perpendicular to shore, I felt I had to swim harder....I passed quite a few girls here, then braced myself for the trip back to shore. I later learned that there was a rip current to the left of the yellow buoy, so the girls who started out swimming into the current had less waves to swim through and were actually sling-shotted around that first freaking buoy! So of course I was passing people at this point-- they were slower than you-know-what but WAY smarter than me.

On the return to shore, I think I just willed those waves to not hit me.....I was swimming in, looking over my shoulder and thinking, "please, I have been beaten up enough today. Please leave me alone!" It was sad and pathetic. I stood up as soon as I touched ground. I wanted out of that horrible ocean. I was cooked! To top it all off, I looked down at my watch and it said 13 minutes and change. I was devastated. I've never, ever swam that slow in my entire life, and it was so disheartening to think that now I had to make up all that time SOMEHOW. But I felt horrible....so sick. As I ran into transition, I really just wanted to cry. Why do I have to continue on? I should quit now because I feel so crappy.

T1: Oh, but I sucked it up and continued on. I didn't fuss too much in transition, but I was sort of in slow-mo because I was still shaking from the adrenaline of the swim. Shock is more like it, I think. I got out of my wetsuit, then used the transition mantra I read about online, "sock sock shoe shoe helmet glasses GO." Grabbed my bike and off I went. I did notice that the man in front of me was wearing a construction helmet with no chin strap, pushing a mountain bike. The marines were totally flummoxed, but they allowed him to continue. Maybe not USAT approved, but he certainly got points for creativity. (See, I did not make this up--- here he is in his construction helmet-- I was so out of it I thought I'd made that up until I saw this photo!)

Bike: Started out by getting passed by Michellie Jones straight out of transition. She is allowed to pass me with no ill will.....but did she have to do it so quickly? I got on my bike and followed her up the ramp, but she was up and over the overpass before I could even kick it into gear. A-ma-zing. Totally. Anyway, this didn't even inspire me. My legs were tired and I kept spitting saltwater off my bike. I knew I had to get my speed up, but I found it very difficult. I was even more pissed because at the Pendleton Olympic, I LOVED the bike and really wanted to scream to everyone who would listen how much fun I was having. But this day, there was no fun. I was hot, sweaty, and salty.....and SLOW. Man, what was going on?! I hit the turnaround and was too slow, so I really put myself in a world of hurt on the way back.

My one happy moment was when a man on a Cervelo tri bike came zooming past me.....I hung in his draft for 10 seconds or so, since I had 15 seconds to back off, and I FELT it for the first time ever. See, I never bought the whole peloton drafting thing until this time. Now I'm a believer....it was pretty sweet and I could feel how he was pulling me. Anyway, I backed down and watched him draft off a woman in front of me. Dudes are dirty drafters, for sure.

I negative split the way back, salvaging my bike and averaging 19.1 mph despite the heavy headwind on the return. Should have been in the 20's, but I'm maxed out at this speed on this course and I don't know why. Clocked the course at roughly 19 miles as well, as opposed to the advertised 18.

T2: Faster than T1. Decided to skip water and sunscreen. Just racked my bike, changed my shoes, and then grabbed my number and hat. Too bad we didn't have transition times in this race. They were the only thing I was pleased with.

The run: We had to run UP that dang hill to get out of the transition area and onto the run course. The mother in law yelling "faster, faster!" really did nothing for the general morale. The run itself wasn't too bad, though. Plenty of water stations, and some shade to be found in between buildings. I was still feeling like I had an upset stomach, but fortunately didn't have any cramping and never threw up. I never had the need to walk, but mentally I was over it. I started the run at 1:18 total. This was 10 minutes off the time I was hoping for, and I was pretty much fed up with the day. I watched helplessly as faster runners in my age group passed me in the last mile. Happens every time. I tried to run one of them down in the finish chute, but she had more in the tank and I ended up crossing 7 seconds behind her. In retrospect, I am very, very angry with myself. If I'd just kept moving forward instead of walking the aid stations, 4 of the girls in front of me would never have caught me. I was 1 minute away from breaking the top 10. In a San Diego race, that's never a bad thing. But no, I walked and got what was coming to me.

(Hey, at least I chicked a few dudes!)

So, compared to the afterglow of Pendleton Olympic and the successes of Danskin and Solana, I'm left feeling cranky and defeated. I've never felt so scared or useless in a swim before, and it really does mess with your brain when you are only 1/3 of the way through your race. It's a good reminder that triathlon is almost as much a mental sport as it is a physical one.

To top it all off, I am sunburned, exhausted, and sore all over. Even my sinuses are killing me thanks to all the water in them! It was a nightmare of a race, and I'm just amazed that I even finished it. Now, I have 2 more weeks to redeem myself and make Santa Barbara a success. I've got a lot of work to do.

Lessons Learned:
1. I am mere mortal, and in San Diego, I am slow.
2. 3 races in 4 weeks is NOT going to give you 3 peak performances. Sometimes your body does not fire.

3. The ocean is evil and should never be underestimated.

4. My brain is a bigger obstacle than my lack of running skills.

5. Don't bring in-laws to races where you might get sick on seawater and lose all will to compete. They will think you are just fat and out of shape.

What Rock Have I Been Hiding Under?

2008-08-06T15:08:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I've been a very bad blogger. If it's not about a race, I don't even feel the slightest inclination to blog about it. What is up with this?

I've been terribly self-absorbed as of late. While I'm still "training," clearly my mind is on my impending move to Denver. D-Day is August 25th, and I am so caught up in emotions that I don't even know what to think about it! On one hand, my job in California is intolerable and totally winding down. I'm checked out, and I desperately want to get out of this caustic environment and start my new job. But then there's the triathlon side of things......where I've made so many friends over the past year, and I cannot imagine rebuilding this network in another state with another group of people. Perhaps it will happen, but it scares me to think I have to start all over again. Then there's the altitude. Seriously, people, I am probably going to have to get used to being a back of the packer again, because I don't know how I'm going to breathe! (Yes, I did grow up in Colorado....this gives me no comfort)

Why am I so obsessed with triathlon above all else? Is it because it is my escape from work? What happens when work takes priority and triathlon takes the back seat? Will I lose this base I've become so proud of? Will I let my new obsession slip away?

I'm scared. Really, truly, I am scared of losing it all. So while I'm excited for my new job, and to be home with my sisters and family and cousin, I'm freaking petrified that I will lose this new part of me.

Yes, I've already looked into clubs. Parker Tri Club. CWW, the all-women's group. C2E, the program run by Olympian triathlete Susan Williams. What do I chose? What do I want? Parker Tri would be great because it's co-ed and I could get hubby involved, but what if everyone is way older?? CWW is another all female team. Do they have the street cred? Do I even want to be in this environment again? I'm so catty as is -- does it bring out the best in me? And then C2E.....would be VERY expensive, but I'd be surrounded by people better than me and I could find out if I ever have any chance of improving in this sport. It's exciting.....but maybe more than I can handle?

So, I've done the research. Now I just have to make it all happen.

In other news, now that I've thoroughly depressed myself, the in-laws are back!!!! 4 days of fun in the sun. Hubby picked them up an hour and a half ago, as I sat here at work twiddling my thumbs. He has a full itinerary planned for them, as they will sit around bored to death if we don't do the legwork. I'm sending them on very long day trips in the hopes that I can continue to get a day or two of training in during their visits....so sneaky, huh?! Then on Saturday, I signed up for the Camp Pendleton Sprint Triathlon. Had SO much fun at the Olympic that I had to sign up for more. It's a joke that my coach and I are doing a rematch. Ha! Who are we kidding? She'll kill me for sure, and I want her to. No, there are only 2 people I want to crush on Sunday. One girl who shall not be named, and McTherapist. Watch out, Scottie.....I'm coming for you!
In-laws will come to the race......they are a military family, so I am sure they will enjoy Camp Pendleton. And I guess the finish line is through some sort of carrier? Who knows, but I am really amped up about it. I just hope they don't say something about how I'm doing a Mini Triathlon or how I looked like I was going to die on the run. Who cares?

Did I tell you all about the Mini Triathlon comment? It was the evening after the Olympic I finished a few weeks back, at a fundraiser with my boss' wife. I told her what I'd done earlier in the day and she said, "oh, you did a mini triathlon. It sounds like fun!" I just about drop kicked her. Um, since when did a mile swim, 24 mile bike, and 6.2 mile run become a MINI triathlon?!!! Hubby had to hold me back from strangling her. I was emotional. Quite frankly, every distance is equally difficult in its own right....it's just the duration of the suffering that differs.

Mini Triathlon. I'll show you mini!
Or not.

I'm also signed up to do the Santa Barbara Super Sprint on Sunday the 24th. The day before I move. Talk about cramming them in under the wire!! It was my first race with the Divas last summer, so it's my only way of seeing if I have improved over the year. Since it's a super sprint, the improvements won't be all that impressive, but I'm still wanting to drop a few minutes off my time. We shall see! Hubby and I are going to head up there and I think it'll be a really good time. I love that race, and I love Santa Barbara.

And that's it. That's my scoop. Emotional about the move. Slightly annoyed by the in-laws visiting. Amped about upcoming races. Emotional about the move. Did I mention I'm emotional?

My poor husband. He probably wants to lace my water with a sedative or Prozac!